Stay at home step-mom's and the step child
I am at stay at home mom, I have a teenage daughter and toddler step-son. The bio-mom works and currently leaves our son with her family members. We are looking to fight for joint custody, but its so hard. Does the court system look at the home life of the step-parent when making these decisions? If our son is basically between split homes with his mom and her family why shouldn't be a split home between the bio mom and the bio dad? It seems like everything gets blocked because my husband is not at home (as he works) but we provide an extremely healthly home life for my daughter and want our son to have that too. Is the step-mom considered next in line after the bio mom if the bio mom is working? I need advice on how to approach this with the attorney and family court. Its like I don't exist in all of this and it just doesn't seem right.
I guess no one told me.... :/
I guess no one told me.... :/ Her attorney removed ROFR on the final agreement. I feel so lost on this. I have an open agreement with my ex, granted my daughter is 13 which makes a difference but they basically see eachother when they agree its good timing. Its never been a problem and the communication is great between all of us, but the other side is insane!!! The bio-mom and I get along great until I either side with my husband, or he request anything at all, even so much as a nightly phone call to his son. What are the chances of being granted joint custody based on the dad's situation changing to being re-married?
He and his attorney didn't
He and his attorney didn't realize the ROFR was removed until weeks later after the final agreement was signed.... ya I know.... there was a lot missed, overlooked, and ignored. You're right though, it is their son, its their battle. I don't get it, I mean the whole step-parent no rights thing. My husband is the main provider, care giver, and provides a stability and structure my daughter never got or will receive from her Dad; and her bio-dad thanks my husband for doing what he can't and won't do. We just want to raise the kids to the best of our abilities. It really is sad the courts don't see the benefits of a step. Thanks for the kick of reality, I actually needed to hear that.
We have him 2 days a week and
We have him 2 days a week and every other saturday for 4 hours as well as a few selected week long stays throughout the year. As far as the his child, my child, theirs, and ours... I've been in SS's life since before he was a year old. I know I didn't birth him, I am respectful of the fact that I am "merely" his step-mom but I love him as my own. My husband and I really don't say "your daughter", "your son". Its always been more our daughter, our son; howver yes we do know the differences and have total respect for the bio-parents.
I guess I never understood
I guess I never understood why anyone would want any “rights” to a skid. I know I sure don’t. Ifyou are a full time smom, then I can see it.
You sound like a really nice lady, but I think you may be getting yourself worked up for nothing. As a SM, I see where you are coming from, (sort of). As a BM, (I know I will prolly get flamed, but oh well)…as a BM, I would rather my family care for the kids, than my Ex’s wife. If ex was home, then yea, it would be ok, but if he will be at work, there would be no reason for the smom to watch the kid if my family is available and willing.
Good luck, but I think you need to let this one go. Since your daughter is 13, maybe go out and get a job to fill up your day. Just something to take your mind off of your skid not being with you.
Is there something wrong with
Is there something wrong with the family member mom is leaving the child with? Is the child in danger? Are you prepared for her to treat you the same way she would treat any babysitter? If she's free to call her current sitter all day to check in, will you be fine with that? If she calls the shots with the current sitter (where she can take him, what he eats, when/how long he naps...), will she be allowed to do the same with you? (not during scheduled visits with dad, just while you are sitting for her). If she's using a sitter, I'm sure she is free to pop up unannounced at any time. It may be a mistake to mix the roles of SM and babysitter.
Personally, just my opinion
Personally, just my opinion that joint physical custody isn't normally in the best interest of the child in that young of an age. They need more stability-one permanent home. In fact many if not most experts agree with me also.
I know you've known him a long time-but it seems to me your boundaries are a little bit blurred on where you stand with this "THEIR" child.
Oh-and I had my parents care for my children when I worked-I had full physical custody and joint legal. I doubt I would allow my exh's wife had he remarried to take on that role of full time caregiver while I worked just because she felt some ownership over the children. It's all about boundaries, in stepmom, stepdad lives.
I have to agree there. I'm a
I have to agree there. I'm a step mom of 3. My spouse works countless hours sometimes 65-70 hrs a week. He is gone bfor the kids wake up so I'm the only one getting his 3 and my 2 ready for school every morning. I'm home when the kids get off the bus and I do home, sign papers, study, break up fights and cook dinner all bfor Bio dad gets home from work. We r currently $6000 away from completing a house we have built with our own two hands. After he returns home he heats up a dinner plate and watches tv for an hr while each kids takes turn showering. Then its bedtime. As a step mom I'm doing more work then the bio mom and bio dad combined and I have nothing to show for it. The kids are disrespectful and bio mom makes it hella hard on me everyday. My spouse is financially stable and provides for our family. As an adult I understand everything he is doing but the kids dont and Bio mom hates everything he is doing bc he is doing it for the kids and I. In my opinion dont mix step momming and babysitter. U will have to deal with far more drama than u need to. Ur not going to be appreciated no matter what u do. When bio mom has the kids she will ask my in laws to keep the children for whatever reason bfor she will call and ask Bio dad or me to watch them. She has even left them home alone rather than call us to babysit bc she doesnt want us to have anything to use against her later in court. Good luck!