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SS wedding already a nightmare and it's still 2 months away

Smomof3's picture

Maybe I'm over reacting or maybe I'm the only person in this whole group of control freak, hillbillies who knows anythinga bout etiquette, but I'm at my wits end.

My SS22 is getting married to a girl we've known her whole life. Her Father, Mother, Ex-Step Mother, and New Step Mother all grew up with my DH and my first husband who passed away. I've know this girl since she was in diapers and she's wonderful, however, her bridesmaids suck. Apparently, 2 of them don't have jobs and the 3rd is broke so I said that my Mother-in-law and I would do the shower and the bridesmaids could run it, we'd just pay for things and make the food. She was great with this...however, my SS's BM wasn't. She said I was trying to control everything. When I explained that the bridesmaids couldn't afford a shower and that it had to be a close friend of the family not her mother or sister who gave the shower per etiquette rules, my MIL and I qualified as that. Keep in mind we weren't going to act like we gave the shower, just pay for the stuff and make the food. That was in May and since then they've: changed the venue, time, menu 3 times, etc. Now the shower is being done by all the Mom's so nobody feels left out.

I wasn't raised by Emily Post but I do know how things should be done. This is just another example of how my husbands exwife still tries to control everything.

I guess it boils down to this...I'm pissed off that for a few reasons: 1) My SS nor his mother need to do anything involving the shower. Also I offered to do it with her and that wasn't even enough...she had to change the whole damn thing. 2) They changed the venue without consulting us, changed the menu to something expensive and invited a bunch of people to bring things....(this mom brings sandwiches, this one drinks, this one the cake, etc.) 3) All changes have been made less than a week before the shower.

All of it is just rude.

Orange County Ca's picture

Life will be much nicer if you don't have anything to do with the wedding except appear on the appointed day.

Smomof3's picture

That's the attitude I'm trying to have however, BM usually makes everything hard.

At my SS's highschool graduation party we contributed funds which were enough to pay for everything and we brought food the day of as requested by her husband...she put all the food I brought on the other side of the room and treated us horribly. She wants people to think my husband is a deadbeat dad and he's not.

I really thought that after she threw such a fit about the shower that maybe she would do it with me and we'd learn to get along...I guess not.

StickAFork's picture

Ignore the pissy BM.

Per etiquette rules, the groom's stepmother and grandmother are considered close family and shouldn't throw the shower.
However, I don't think that even qualifies here, as you two are just the money behind the scenes, right? The bridesmaids are planning it.
Don't worry about it. This is what happens when young, broke people get married. Smile It's all good.

Smomof3's picture

You're right...I felt so bad for the girl. I just have to ignore the BM and my SS who is manipulated by his mother. I love the bride like she was my own and have known her longer than my SS.