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SS just simply has a bad personality

SweetPotato's picture

I cant put it much more simple than that. After months of integration into different activities, family events, therapy, tactics and role defining..etcetcblahblahblah.... this kid just sucks. Lol 

Sorry! I am over 2 years into living with DH and SS8 and with all the shit we have been through I just thought there would be more room for fun and bonding and sweet moments sprinkled in between the chaos that is step life. But good lord...SS has a retort for everything that comes out of everyone's mouth, always. Everything is an argument or a power play or some manipulation tactic. Even when he is pleasant, it's just self serving and a used as a bargaining plea later. 

SS is very intelligent for his age. He excels in school, is always "helpful and sweet" at summer camp year after year. He has the emotional intelligence of a knat but that's normal... He is a total dick to his cousin or anyone else that comes over to play though... like he can hold it together for OTHER adults but not us, and can get along with his classmates/camp mates but not family. I dont get it. 

DH has made major improvements on his consistency and boundary setting. I think a lot of the guilt is melting away as we venture into his 4th year of school and it is ever prevalent that he is the more responsible and effective parent compared to BM. But it doesnt matter. His kid is still the brattiest, ungrateful little thing I've ever seen in someone his age. NOTHING makes him happy and content unless someone is serving him and sorry, no, that doesnt happen in this house. I dont know what goes on at his mom's but it cant possibly be productive. 

The worst part is he says he "can be more himself" at our house..... so I'm not sure what that means or if that's a good thing anymore lol. Ugh. He just sucks the joy out of every activity we do. 

I keep telling myself he will grow out of it but, it's a shame to have met such a sweet and fun little boy full of life turn into such a negative Nancy. The MORE consistent and stable things become, the more he lashes out it seems. DH is at his wits end but wont say it out loud. It's too hurtful. How do you cope with someone who is just bound and determined to make everything a terrible time with his bad attitude and outlook on the world?! He has even gone as far to say "I hate fun" when we plan a weekend day out. We've limited screen time to an hour a day but honestly I'd just rather stick him somewhere to occupy himself so no one has to put up with the bossing and sass that spews from his mouth constantly. PMS may be a driving force in this post but I had to get it off my chest. Lord knows I dont feel comfortable being this harsh to DH lol 

GoingWicked's picture

My kids including step were all like this, at about 8 or 9 they start back talking and having their own opinions.  SD was allowed by DH to say and do what she wanted, and that was when I heavily disengaged.  My ODS is almost 12 and is now starting to come out of the phase (SD is still stuck in it, YDS just started).  I think having a sense of humor at times, and giving discipline when appropriate helps.  I heavily suggest team sports, Boy Scouts, or martial arts, I think they’re great for character training.  

SweetPotato's picture

Oh thank god at least it's somewhat normal. I'm sure I was a piece of crap around that age too. Old enough to have preferences/independence of some kind but still too little to know shit about how to do anything. 

STaround's picture

The SS cannot be that bad.  Back off, I hear you are on a paycheck to paycheck budger, but see if you can find some after school activities that are low cost or free. 

Be less involved.  If the kid would rather play on his electronics, let him. 

Cover1W's picture

OSD, now almost 16, started the "I hate people" "I hate the sun" "I am not nice" "I don't want more friends" etc. when she it puberty and coincidentally was allowed unrestricted internet at our house by DH.  Never has grown out of it.  Now she does what she wants at BMs, never talks with DH because "she hates men" or for some other unknown reason (like rules at our house), has a crap attitude of entitlement.  People just don't like her, including some close relatives.  I disengaged hard the last year she was still deigning to come to our home.

SweetPotato's picture

So crazy.... On one hand I feel terrible for these kids who have not even begun to feel the tip of life's dick, turn so cold and cynical. I didnt have a super easy childhood, but I still managed to keep a pretty decent outlook on the world in general. Like I wanna ask these kids, honestly - what hardships have you faced besides watching your parents split up??? What can be SO bad at 8-16 years old?! You're fed, you're loved by someone, you're sheltered and clothes and reasonably entertained and that's more than A LOT of kids can say. So stfu