I have three bios and SS13. My children have always been involved in different after school activities and extra curriculars based on their interests and my encouragement. I've influenced their choices, but ultimately, if they don't like something and they've completed the class/ season, I don't make them keep taking them. My youngest, DS9 is probably the busiest, but he likes everything and is good at everything he tries. DD12 does karate and plays softball while DS10 does a lego robotics club and though he's "tried" sports, they're not really his thing. I have my bios about 60/40 and also receive some child support from my ex. I usually just pay for their extra curriculars and we will split summer camp costs. I've asked him to split the cost of special programs (for example an App Design Class that we enrolled DS10 into) because it was rather expensive.

Before my involvement, SS never did anything other than school. Last summer he did several summer camps, and during the school year he did football and karate - though both have been taken away from him since he is lazy and complains that we "make" him do those things. SS wants to go back to camp this summer, but he will be having his first summer of two weeks on/ two weeks off with BM. (She has been absent for the past 7 years and just got re-involved the last year with EOWe).

It's difficult to try and be fair and even with all the children, but the fact is that they each have different needs and interests. Sometimes one child will get more time and resources put towards them and sometimes it will be another.

We get NO Support at all for SS13 and he now attends the private school that my children attend. I don't enjoy paying $1k each month for him and I was more than happy to pull his "extras" since he didn't appreciate them any way. My ex and I share responsibility for the kids' school and we each have our own arrangements with the school.

I am not a big fan of extracurricular activities...not that I don't believe they serve a purpose, as my son is in ONE...but I do not believe like many others that a child's life should be filled with extracurricular activities...they too need a break.

With that said, I agree that your child has 2 parents that contribute financially vs. the SKID. If the skid's mother was dead, I might have a slightly different view...but other than that, I think that it is ok for him to be in less things or at least in cheaper activities. Maybe that is where you need to figure something out, such as 200USD for DD, 100USD for skid for extracurricular, but attempt to put them in the same "number" of activities...the kids usually will not notice that as much and you will be fair as well.

I've found that leagues and recreation / city programs are typically much less expensive than lessons of sorts. For example, you can sign a kid up for little league for $75-$100 and they get three months of play where they typically play / practice once or twice a week and on one weekend day. There will be a few incidentals that come up here and there during the season, but it's a good value and parents usually volunteer some of their time.

Compare that to dance class or music lessons. Dance class is typically about $50 per month for one 50 minute class a week. And there are costume costs, competition fees, etc. Music lessons can be about $20 for a 30 minute lesson.

Just some ideas on how to "keep it even" and not go broke.

Rec sports thru something like a Y are relatively inexpensive. Flag football or soccer in the fall, bball in the Winter and then soccer again in the spring is what I would do. But then again, I had 3 boys in every activity under the sun, find what works for you and your family.

We have my SD10 every weekend during the school year (BM wants to go out and party on the weekends so she doesn't mind). We enrolled SD in a fall/winter sport that cost roughly $200 total... BM didn't pay a cent... Nor did she even come to cheer on her DD. during the summer we have her taking 4 weeks of swim lessons and two weeks of vacation bible school. Again, we're footing the bill... But SD loves it and it sure beats her siting at her BMs watching TV all day... Besides we get to see her about 90% of the summer then (BM won't even call her during that time, unless SD calls her... kinda sad).

BTW we pay BM CS

I think it is a great idea that you want to put him in extracurricular activities. You seem more worried about the money than anything. Which honestly should be a last issue when it come to any of the kids step or bio. Your step son is 8 he knows what he likes and what he wants to do. I would get a list of the extra activities and sports and sit him down and ask him what he is interested in doing. That way he will be doing he likes and enjoys and not be miserable. My ss is not in any extras either with his bm. my husband does not agree with that but there is little we can do regarding any of it. So talk to ss and see what he wants to do. This will make it fair and even. Even if he is not in the same amount of activities as dd is. BM sound like she can barley take care of herself, so why put yourself, your children, and your husband through the stress of even asking her for anything. Something I have learned dont rely on anyone else, rely on what you know is there infront of you. You can provide and do the things you want for these children so dont put them or yourself through the drama asking or ordering bm for help with money on the part of your ss. Its not worth it.

I'd suggest one per season, and if you want more activity time for him, you or DH can go practice the sport he's enrolled in with him. That's probably what I'm going to do for SS while he's here. It means I have to dig my ball-glove out of wherever it's gone, but it also means more for him and DH or him and I to do together.

Which reminds me... I should probably play some catch with DH before SS gets here. DH's mom thought sports teams were where you did drugs when he was a kid, so no catch or batting practice in DH's past.

you are right, ss should have all the extras his parents can afford. if providing for your ss will financial curb your ability with your bios, i'd do something on the real cheap for ss, so as to not make him feel so left out and his parents better THANK you for that. if your dh wants ss to have more expesive extras, it's HIS obligation to make up for his ex's slack since he's unwilling to ask for her help, therefore, he can get a second job to pay for it. if you're concerned IN THE LEAST that you will become resentful, don't do it. sure, it'll probably cause waves now, but kids get more expensive as they age and if you all are willing to let bm off the hook now, you're setting a precedence and YOU will have to dig deeper in your pocket and even short-change your bios in the future. your dh chose the mother of his child, good or bad. your ss is going to suffer for that decision regardless, unless you make up the difference, and if you do, this is the perfect set up for resentment (#1 killer of relationships). may as well lay the ground work now. just trying to give you a heads up of what the future could hold for you from my experience. good luck.