Speaker Phone and SD/DH conversation
Whenever SD, age 20, calls DH puts the call on speaker.. He will leave the room but I can still hear the conversation.. She whines and complains constantly. It is never her fault that life sucks for her. She has been taught that the world revolves around her and she doesn't have to take responsibility for anything. DH and BM taught her that at a very young age. I spend a lot of my time rolling my eyes during these conversations.
DH had plans to hang out with her one day and she called to cancel. DH visits her outside of the house. I shut down the visits when she was younger because of her behavior (lying in general and lying about being raped,) I couldn't trust that she wouldn't lie about my kids or myself so DH started seeing her outside of our home every weekend.
SD calls around 7 pm the day they were planning to hang out and tells DH that she can meet him now. DH declined and offered to see her the next day. She didn't want to do that. She wanted to meet him NOOOOOWWW. DH declined again. SD told him that his plans with me were irrelevant and your daughter before hoes. DH said that is my WIFE and SD stated she was joking and apologized. Yeah, right. DH and I didn't have any plans. DH just didn't want to go out.
At first, I was beyond livid but then I calmed down. Dh will never say anything else to her about it because she would threaten to never see him again. DH has given her complete control and he needs to take responsibility for that. I realized that she grew up to be the person that everyone (except DH, BM and DH's mom) said she would be. She will never be allowed in my home.
I told DH when SD was 7 years old that he needed to step up or he will wish one day that he did. He didn't want to rock the boat or make her angry so he is reaping the benefits now.
Just wanted to add
While DH is out visiting with her listening to her complain and whine, I am sitting at my house enjoying the peace and quiet DH and BM are the ones that get to enjoy her company going forward.
" SD told him that his plans
" SD told him that his plans with me were irrelevant and your daughter before hoes. "
The rudeness, ignorance and downright arrogance of that sentence is absolutely flabbergasting! How DARE she spout such odious claptrap!
I am still reeling from having read that.
I thought it was a typo at
I thought it was a typo at first! Wow, just wow.
In a voice loud enough to be
In a voice loud enough to be sure she hears, "One does not exclude the other, DH..."
OMG
I've just read over some of your past posts and would like to correct that suggestion:
"She's confused again, DH, she clearly meant 'wives before hoes', I hope at least this time she's taking the meds... "
Beyond eyeroll
Thats a blood boiler!
What a jerk. She and SD23 Feral Forger should be friends, they have the same low-class way of expressing their hatred of us.
I'm Stunned For You
If any of DHs kids EVER referred to me as a Hoe, all hell would break loose here. Jeez...the crap we deal with just for marrying a man with kids. SMH
I'm sorry you are dealing with such toxic behavior.
Totally unacceptable. Your H
Totally unacceptable. Your H should have really called her out hard on that!
He absolutely should not tolerate such rudeness and disrespect, just so he can keep picking up the crumbs of attention she throws him.
This is disgusting!!!
The fact your husband said
The fact your husband said jack shit about that comment ... wow. Try something just for fun, wait a few weeks and call his daughter a ho. See his reaction? Repulsive. I'm so sick of feminine men who do the bare minimum to get by.
My step daughter is also a lying sociopath and I never thought I'd be afraid of a 5yr old. I like what you proposed tho, the outside house visits. I keep telling him her mom is making sure they hate us and it doesn't matter what you do, so make sure you're consistent with discipline and good values. She's already starting shit lying for attention. I forsee the lying in the future but he won't get it until she's made HIM the focus of her attacks.
I agree
DH is learning. He did respond back to her with the "that's my wife" comment. I see that as a "little" improvement. There would have been a time he would have ignored her and never said anything. I could call her out to be one but DH already knows that with SD the shoe fits. She is already hopping around from bed to bed as often as I change my socks. I am just praying that she never gets pregnant.
I never would have guessed the chaos SD's lies caused in my house even when she wasn't here.
This really is sad and doesn
This really is sad and doesn't give me much hope for the future. My 5yr old SD said daddy beats me with the belt until I was bleeding all over and the latest lie was I supposedly told her the BM gave birth to her in jail. I totally know as soon as she goes to school she'll realize she can lie about sexual abuse to elicit CPS visits. I'm just terrified. Nanny cams for everyone! Seriously tho this week is the last week before my husband gets cameras bc I told him I won't watch them anymore.
SD was calling Police
on BM when she was 7 years old. She told them that BM was abusing her. There weren't any signs of abuse and BM was scared and stopped the small amount of discipline.. SD thought she would be staying with DH and me while the allegations were being investigated. She was wrong, She stayed with BM's mom. A month or so later, SD called the police on BM's mom. BM's mom refused to be around her after that. Somewhere in between those investigations, one of BM's friends was investigated. I told DH that he would have to see SD outside of the home. I couldn't take the chance of losing my children because SD didn't get her way. BM wanted me to send my son to his Dad's house whenever SD came over. Nope, my son had regular visitation with his father. DH and BM never had a set visitation so I never knew when SD was going to be here. My son lived with me. I wasn't ditching my son to accommodate crazy. I wasn't going to leave MY house (my house before I married DH) to accommodate her either. Sd got DH all to herself and BM was upset because she no longer had a full weekend to herself.
The dreaded speakerphone.
Or the alternate, which is "hiding" away or having whispered conversations like they would with a mistress.
It seems there is very little happy medium in these situations. I've been exposed to both and I don't like either.
On the one hand, when I hear the conversation it gives me greater insights into the b.s. that SD doles out to my SO.
On the other hand, when I don't hear first-hand what she is spewing, I can only guess as to the depth of the b.s. - maybe it's just a smear, maybe it's hip-deep!
I have been practicing disengagement for awhile now and even with practice, disengagement isn't perfect. I've found that I am better off if I cannot hear anything during these conversations so if I can overhear, I try to go somewhere inside or outside the house where I can't. In my personal experience, I've found that the unknown is better than the known.
I can more easily quiet my mind if I really don't know what was discussed rather than actual statements/topics SD has brought up with my SO. Plus, I also found it annoying when I could hear the conversation and realized that she never, ever asked him about me at all, not even a casual, "How is 2Tired?" She acts like I don't exist and in fact, in her world I really don't even though I've been around for almost two decades.
So my advice to you is to get out of the room and don't hear the crap that SD may or may not spew about you. Let your DH be the one who has to have the burden of her b.s. on his shoulders and conscience.
In these situations, I think ignorance is bliss. And is certainly better than hearing first-hand some whining punk call me a "ho."
If I were you, if he did not immediately cease all contact with
her, he would be gone. I do mean all contact.
I would also flood her toxic ass with countless definitions of the evolution of the concept of "hoe" highlighting all the boxes she ticks.
Grrrrrrr!