Sooo, did u get any unsolicited words of wisdom before u got married to a man/woman with kids?
Now that I've had a small bite of the "wonderful" world of steparenting, my own stepmom is starting to open up a bit about some of the things she used to struggle with when my sis and I were kids.
Well, we were flipping through her wedding album today. I noticed she had a really sad look on her face in several pics of her walking down the aisle. I made a joke and she confided in me about why she looked so upset!! OMG. Apparently, a second before she and her dad took their first step to "Here comes the bride", her dad didn't tell her how beautiful she looked, or how happy he was, etc. He told her, "You know, it isn't too late if you want to change your mind." OMG!!
She said she NEVER told anyone what he said, except for her mom. And it pretty much ruined her special day. She said that her father never had anything against dad, but apparently he knew that being a stepmom was going to have lots of drama and he wanted a better life for his then 26 yo daughter.
She's been our stepmom for 32 years now. She said she has had a very happy marital life, other than a few tricks I did when I was a teen. She said she gives credit to MY dad because he backed her up wholly, though, she thinks he was too hard on us kids most of the time and she has regrets for not sticking up for sis and I more often. Her dad and my dad grew very close over the years, and I secretly think I was one of his favorite "grandkids" growing up. I'm glad she didn't take his advice and run the other way!!!
I wish someone had told me
I wish someone had told me NOT to do it. I should have just lived with him instead to see how he treats his kids so much better than my kids. But we didnt want the fact we lived together to be ammunition for any custody battle...
Being a stepmom is the easy
Being a stepmom is the easy part in my world it is the goofy ex wife that is the problem.
I'm in no rush to marry my
I'm in no rush to marry my SO. I got burned on marriage from my ex and even though my SO is great we have similar parenting styles and tend to agree on kid/family things, haven't had a fight ever the entire time we've been together If I ever marry again I'll have a prenup just so I leave with what I came with and my sanity hopefully to boot. Never thought marriage should have an escape clause now I fully believe in an exit strategy. As for skids this site has been a great help so I was able to start off with his kids and my kids in a way that was comfortable and not once have I worked to make sure his kids like me I'm me and they'll either like me as I am to my own kids and the neighbor kids or kids I'd babysit or they won't but I'm going to parent my kids and SO can parent his and we meet in the middle when we have to and no one seems to feel pressure to be mom or dad to kids that aren't theirs (though I think his and my kids really view both of us as parent figures and treat us as such so we're lucky and it's thanks to a lot of others experiences from here)
Skids grandfather looked
Skids grandfather looked right at me and said "you are willing to take those two on?" I was confused, I said I'm sorry, what? They are just two little kids. He replies, "Oh no, not those two, they are hell to deal with, little menaces". I was thinking okay, it can't possibly be that bad, from what I had seen of them at the time they weren't THAT bad and besides grandpa is a drunk sooooooooo..... Wish I would have listened to him now because he was right and their behavior has only gotten worse, much, much worse. Funny thing is though is that NOW if SO, myself or anyone says anything bad about their behavior or attitudes that very same grandpa jumps to their defense and uses the "they are just jealous" excuse. Then he coddles them and babies them and tells them it's okay and that they are little angels. Basically telling them, espesh the boy, it's okay buddy, go ahead and abuse the others, I got your back. UGH!
I think when I was at the
I think when I was at the beginning of my relationship I wouldn't have taken advice even if it was offered to me...but now I have been married for 6 years I sadly say I regret getting myself into this situation. I really love DH but sometimes I am just not sure its all worth it. I just dont have the right personality type to be a SM and I wish someone would have told me that. I don't think you can ever be prepared for what emotions you will feel as a SM. You think certain things will make the situation better but so far for me it only gets worse and the dislike gets deeper. Though when DH and I have a fight over SS and Bm my mum is always quick to chime in with...."I thought you were smarter than to get involved into a situation like this, you have to get out for the sake of your health"...yeah great!!!
I wish I did more research
I wish I did more research and waited longer too..but no honeymoon period beat me. Oh yes I get that all the time, atleast once a week from DH...you knew what you were getting into, SS was here first. Well nooooo there is no way I knew it would be like this. I hope for your sake your Bm has moved on and is happy, this is what I had envisaged...but no she is still miserable and sucking off us and DH family. Good luck gs-sm I hope you find the right tools to deal with this, when you do let me know..we can do it
My dad claims he told me how
My dad claims he told me how it would be before we got married. I don't recall that??? but he is a big proponent of, you knew what you were getting into . . . if he wasn't an elderly man I think I would bust him!!
but as it is, I say, ok, you married my mom knowing her granma had alzeimers and now she has it, so you also knew what you were getting into - was it worth it, oh it was? - so how asinine is 'you knew' as reasoning??!!! that shuts him up
I WISH someone would have
I WISH someone would have given me that advice! lol It would have saved my life! Instead, they waited and gave me advice on how to treat loser and crazy which was all about "you sacrifice for loser and crazy"...sigh
I had co workers and my
I had co workers and my husband's own parents "warn" me before I took the plunge. I knew marrying someone with kids and an X to deal with was not going to be easy but decided to take my chances anyways. Both my boss and receptionist are on second marriages with step kids and they have had plenty of horror stories to tell over the years and I just was oblivious to all of it. We only have my husbands kids every other weekend and holidays etc but it's like they're always with us. My husband travels a LOT so I think that's the only thing helping me keep my sanity. When he's not around there's no x to deal with and no step kids to hear about or deal with. This is sad seeing how I'm barely married 6 months now.