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Is SO wrong to tell SS this

StepMary2's picture

New Here with a Problem looking for advice.  First let me back up about three years. SO had Joint custody of SS14 and SS11. SS14 for about year Previous had been Increasingly difficult to deal with. Rude, stealing, lying which lead to a full blown lie on his part that almost got SO thrown in jail(long story). That was the final straw and SO Threw SS14 out and told him he could ONLY come back if he agreed to certain rules and SS14 refused. This was over three years ago and SS is now 18 and Neither SS or SO Has attempted to make any contact with either one. The other SS who is now 14 Witnessed everything and at the time backed his brother.

So here is my Concerns. SS is Reaching the age his brother was when SO threw him out of the house. SS14 has gotten Increasingly bratty/ Disrespectful towards  me and Increasingly clingy/needy towards SO more so than he ever has even when he was younger. Now I don’t know if is just the “age” as I just read a post about a 12 yr old bratty kid on here OR could it be SS14 knows he’s getting to the same age as his brother was when he got the boot and this is how it’s manifesting.

The big issue Im having is what SO said to SS14 the other day. SS is lazy when it comes to his school work just like his older brother. Well SS14 got a really bad report card and SO told him “ You don’t want to end up like your brother do you? A Loser” . To me that is a Awful thing to say.

 

 

Siemprematahari's picture

I don't agree with your SO voicing those comments to his younger son. He shouldn't be comparing and at that calling his brother a loser. This is just adding to the already dysfunctional situation. Demeaning your own child (regardless of your feelings) especially to a sibling sets the tone for his son to possibly not have respect for him.

SM12's picture

i hate my worthless, lazy, non working loser ex DH but I would never in a million years call him a loser in front of my BS or tell my BS not to be a loser like XH.  Not good

Rags's picture

Right message, wrong wording.

"Son, your brother refused to perform to our household standards for behavior and school performance and he left at 14.  If he had performed he would still be here.  I would be severely disappointed if you followed in his footsteps.  So, get your shit together, do your school work, act your age and be respectful of me and my wife and we (you an I) will not have the same problems that your brother's  crappy performance resulted in. "

IMHO of course.