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SO in competition with SS’s bio mum

AmyJones88's picture

I need some opinions on this. I feel like my boyfriend is constantly in competition or trying to 'out-do' his ex (step-son's bio mum) and it's getting a bit tedious for me. It feels like everything he does is to try and one-up her. Christmas for example, 8 year old SS FaceTimed us and showed us all around his bedroom at his mums, all of his Christmas presents etc, and as soon as the call ended my boyfriend said 'well I did shit compared to her this year didnt I!' And I said 'not at all? Look at everything he's got here- it's not a competition!' But I could tell that he stewed on it all night after that. We currently live in a pretty crappy rented house while we try to save for a mortgage, and that's something that gets compared, because bio mum has a new house, with a better garden in a better area etc. Bio mum has just got a puppy and my boyfriend was really annoyed about it because he liked the fact that ss's dog was here and it was a 'thing' in his life. SS comes round and constantly talks about his mum and her boyfriend and what they get up to and I can see my boyfriend feeling more and more insecure about his time with his son and like he's not good enough. It is really getting exhausting! I feel like there's so much pressure for things to be out of this world when he comes over that anything I do as a step parent isn't good enough! It's such a horrible feeling knowing that anything SS says about his mum turns into a new competition. Is this normal?! They've been separated for two years now, is this a feeling that separated parents usually get, or is my boyfriend really just being ridiculous about this? 

SeeYouNever's picture

They haven't been separated long, this is normal growing pains of setting up two separate lives. My husband was like this before we met (so he tells me) but he gave up when BM beat him to the punch for everything. He decided after a while it was cheaper to let her win.


tog redux's picture

This is a dangerous mindset, it sees the kid as a prize to be won, and parenting as a competition. From there, it's a "race to the bottom" as thinkthrice would say - each parent trying to buy the kid's love through material items, pets and permissive parenting.  This leads to bratty, entitled kids with too much power, who disrupt the whole family and fail to become functional adults.

He should really examine this unhealthy thinking.