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So blind and now it's crystal clear

K333's picture

I have posted before in regards to my dh and our issues. It's finally over. After 5 yrs of fertility treatments and no ours baby. We gave up.
Last week I found out I was 6 wks pregnant. I came home and told my husband. Due to my multiple miscarriages I asked my dh not to tell anyone because they hadn't found a heartbeat yet but there was a sac with yolk inside and my hcg was good. So it might or might not take. I have mourned the loss of so many and I just cannot take any more pity from other people.
My husband works 5 12 hrs shifts a week. Every time I was pregnant and miscarried whether natural or needed a d&c my mother was the one who took me. Dh said he couldn't take the time off. One weekend because they had to put me under I had a lot of heavy bleeding and they kept me over night. My mother sat by my side while he took sd9 to the movies and for burgers. He said I promised her.
So I told him I was going to tell my mom that I was pregnant. He responded with well I'm telling my dad. I asked him not to until there was actually a viable pregnancy. His father is notorious for drinking and forgetting that things are supposed to be a secret. Dh turned into a 5 year old child. Well if your telling someone, I will tell whoever I want. I tried to explain about how devastated I would be. He cut me off with "by the way, with the timing, is it actually mine?"
I lost my mind, packed a bag and left. Unfortunately when I lifted the bag is felt horrible cramping in my belly and I started spotting. I texted him I was going to the er. He has not called nor texted in 7 days. He could care less if I lived or died. I just realized this.
The doctor said some dark spotting is OK, and everything is still intact. In 1week I go back to see if a baby developed. In the meanwhile I already contacted a lawyer.
I wish this wasn't real.

ldvilen's picture

So sorry to hear that K333. Big HUGS to you. And I'll keep my fingers crossed that both you and your baby will be okay!

This says it all, ""by the way, with the timing, is it actually mine?" That has to be one of most insensitive things I've ever heard a DH say, considering all his SO has been going through.

Again, hugs and blessings being sent your way to you and your baby. Take care of yourself too!

K333's picture

Thank you,just amazed at my own blindness. The only thing worse than making a mistake is letting it continue.

K333's picture

Thank you. I have never carried a baby past 10 weeks. I appreciate you kind thoughts and prayers.

cosmoem88's picture


K333's picture

Just worried about actually having a baby right now. He will now be attached to me forever if i do end up having this little gift.

K333's picture

The baby? What won't stick? Do you mean going to get a divorce? I really hope I am being over sensitive and that comment was not as double sided as I feel I it was.
Can you please clarify?

K333's picture

Really? That's OK. She can think what she wants. I didn't expect a pity party, but that's her opinion. I have done the counseling. I have tried everything and now I am done.

K333's picture

You are correct. Each thing individually is not enough. But all together and that is enough for me.
When i think of getting old and infirm i will have no support system. There is no reason to continue a one sided relationship. I am quite ready and almost have a feeling of relief that it is over.

K333's picture

You say you are not clever? I have found much of your advice very insightful and profound to the posters.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

A little bleeding is okay, even if the spotting is a bit heavier. Just make sure you get all the genetic testing done (they do it through your blood) because a lot of the Trisomy genetic issues present as spotting during pregnancy. I don't actually know why but I know it's something that occurs.

That said, it could be absolutely nothing. I had a miscarriage at around 5 weeks between DD1 and DD2, so when at 7 weeks pregnant with DD2, I spotted heavily (like dark, clotted period blood) I was really, really freaked out. The doctor sonogrammed me and checked my cervix and everything looked good. There was some worry that the fetus was trying to embed itself too deeply into the scar tissue of my prior c-section but it turned out fine and DD2 is even more husky and stronger than DD1.

I wish you all the luck but I hope you end up making whatever decision gives you the most peace, whether you stay or go. I would go, but we are not the same people.

CANYOUHELP's picture

I am sorry for you and life is not always fair, nor is it your fault. Your mother will be by your side, you are fortunate. My mother was there when nobody else cared, including the father. You have a support system, but this man is a jerk.

I hope whatever happens you get away from this insensitive man, who goes out with a daughter when you are in the hospital, he is awful. And, is this his? I would tell him he wold find out after the child was born and he was petitioned to pay child support.

You know when you are done and he has shown you who he is...You know you deserve better and so does your baby!

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Acratopotes's picture

K333 - good thing you left, he's an asshole Hon..... he's never been there for you and he never will be.

I hope your mum helps you out till you are back on your feet, never take him back again. When that baby is born, it's from a sperm donation, you register that little bundle of joy on your maiden name... stuff the father he's a looser...

that little baby will change you life and bring you joy... congrats...

SMforever's picture

The most important thing right now is to take care of yourself because it's such a vital time in the baby's development. Take all the good vibes from this site and be as strong and cheerful as you can. Hugs and best wishes.

Rags's picture

Congratulations on your pregnancy and my condolences on your DH proving himself to be an ass.

Take care of you, relax, and you and this baby live well and be happy.

sammigirl's picture

Take care of yourself. You do not need this stress in your life. Spend time with positive people and put yourself in a relaxing and positive situation every day. Pamper yourself and talk to your baby every day and read to your baby every day.

There is a reason for everything and this is a new start for you.


Icansorelate's picture

Go see a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings yourself. It is generally better to be the one that files. Then, follow the advice here and take care of you and your baby.

bitsnpieces15's picture

Wow, :jawdrop: just focus on you and your child. Sounds like he is immature and isn't ready to be a father to your child. Keep your head up and you and your mom will have a beautiful child to raise!

CLove's picture

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! And I am sending you prayers and light and love for you and the little one-in-development.