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Sleeping on the couch...

Starryeyed's picture

Would this bother you??? Myself and oh have been at it all day over lazy ss so notntoo sure if this has been blown out of proportion or not....

we are very short term (about 6 weeks) staying in a 2 bed apt. Ss (15 nearly 16) comes every sat and sleeps on a blow up mattress in ds room. He sleeps in underwear as I’ve embarrassingly crossed paths on his way to the toilet or something before over the years but he’s usually in his own room so whatever.

 

well dh and ss watch a movie and obviously got too lazy to set up his bed. So he’s sleeping on our sofa. I’m so unhappy for many reasons. Main being dh is off playing golf at 6 in the morn so when I get up with my two babies it’s me having to go into the kitchen/sitting room where ss will have to get up in his underwear. My one year old (who is in with me ) is unwell and hasn’t slept through in weeks so I’m isually up in my kitchen throughout the night too so it’s just inconvenient. He also doesn’t shower for days at a time so I’m unhappy with him there - think sloth. Of course this means I have it in for ss.

 

anyway I got pissed and said how lazy it was and oh has stormed off with a duvet like a child. Presume he is now either sleeping on the couch or blow up bed. Whatever. I don’t care.

 

i think ss is a waste of space. I’ve told dh I won’t put up with two more years of this crap. He has big exams starting on Wednesday. He barely passed all of his exams and is only studying on weekends with us when dh has to shout at him to. Bm doesn’t care. we collected him at 3pm today and he hadn’t opened a book. When I asked how he felt his response was “what’s the point in worrying.” I thought that’s fine if you’ve tried - you haven’t you lazy little shit. Of course I said nothing because what’s the point. But anyway I have it in for ss now according to my dh.

 

sorry I don’t want lazy stinky sloth 15 sleeping on the couch in his tighty whities... what would you have done In this situation?( 

Starryeyed's picture

That should say he barely passed his preparation exams which were a few weeks ago 

Starryeyed's picture

That should say he barely passed his preparation exams which were a few weeks ago 

thinkthrice's picture

walk around in their whitie tighties. so gross especially because their abundance of pasty blubber would hang out in rolls.

they wouldn't get anything from me until they were properly dressed.   hell i wouldn't allow that from my bios!!!

oneoffour's picture

He should wake up and go and play golf with his father. If DH doesn't want to take him why should you be dealing with him. Let the exam thing go. Just let it go. At the end of summer tell DH that you are looking forward to SS graduating and off into the big wide world. Then you only have 2 kids to raise and launch and then you will have the rest of your lives together. Yippee!

Oh and while you are at it hand SS a bar of soap and deodorant and tell him that as you were once a teenage girl that men who smell good get the hottest girls. True! Smelly men get ... well... nothing. 

If Dad can get up and go off for a morning of golf he doesn't actually care about his son too much. I mean the boy needs serious man-time with his Dad and Dad doesn't care whether he smells or passes exams. Fundamentaly he is a slack parent and this needs to be addressed. It isn't SS you have the problem with, it is DH not being a good role model for his son and his son is like a rudderless ship. Men learn how to be men from their role models. This is often why boys who grow up without fathers gravitate to gangs.There is no one to teach them how to be good men. Take THAT DH!

Starryeyed's picture

I find it so hard to even look at him anymore. His exams start on Wednesday. Oh has been playing golf since 630 am. I’ve been up since 4 with the babies. It’s now 9 am and I’ve put the babies down for a nap and trying to get some rest myself. I know oh left strict instructions to ss to do some study.

 

he is now watching the Telly. Should I say something to oh? Before I would have told ss to study but not anymore. We have a family bbq later so he won’t have the chance to do anything then. Just hate he’s become so lazy and idle.../.

twoviewpoints's picture

You can't care more than the parent does. So Dh "left strict instructions" ? Pfft. Left the instructions as he picked up his golf clubs and raced out the door. Your Dh knows d*mn well his son isn't up busy studying.... Dad doesn't give a hoot. Dad is golfing and doing his own thing. Life is great in Dad's eyes, so what's your problem, Starry? 

You put way too much blame on SS being the way he is when one stops to consider the role model father figure he has. Dad was watching movies and too lazy to make-up the kid's bed. Dad is now playing golf and doesn't care if Jr is studying or not. When Dad finally materializes it's off to the BBQ... not a care or concern in the world. So again, Starry, what's your problem is DH's thought. 

I would not tolerate my own teenage son (mine all all grown up men now) lying around snoring on the sofa all day. And in their undies? Never. And dirty and stinky? Not a chance. But then running around the house in undies ceased at about age 3 around my house. Being clean was something taught and made of importance at early ages. 

Your SS is almost 16. Your Dh is out playing golf. The only one having any issue with what's happening in your home this morning is you. 

This is your life, Starry. I can't tell you how to live it and I have no clue as to what 'good' you get out of this marriage. Only you know that. I can tell you that at almost 16yrs old, this SS isn't going to suddenly shape up nor is his father going to take any of it seriously. Pfft. There's golf clubs calling him. Priorities and all that. Last week it was stag weekend. 

I'm sorry, Starry. There is no magic wand going to fix this for you.

Now another note, how is the little doing that scolded herself with the hot tea doing?  I hope she is healing and not having too much pain. 

Harry's picture

DH should be home taking care of his DS, or should take DS golfing with him.  Not leaveing him with you.  DH does not get to go golfing on weekends his son is over. 

NotEasy525's picture

Oh I wouldn't be too happy if I were you either. He is 15 so 1st of all, as a stepmother you don't want to see that. 2nd...who would want a smelly person on their couch? My thing is that you mentioned you have 2 babies and my guess is those babies of yours probably sit/lay on that couch. Ew. So now as a biomom, we don't want our children to be on or near anything unsanitary and the fact that he doesn't shower is VERY unsanitary so no I don't think for a second you blew it out of proportion. 

ETexasMom's picture

Is his undeware white tightys or boxer shorts? I know I have one son who wouldn't dream of walking around in either and another who doesn't feel boxers are underware and has no problem walking around the house in them. 

still learning's picture

Does DH ever help out or parent any of his children or is taking care of the kids your job while he goes out to play?  I remember my exH thinking he was off the hook for parenting because he "worked all day" so he should be able to watch the game or play video games when he got home, or go off to the sports bar.  Then exH got remarried and dumped his/our kids on his new wife because he had to work. Funny that their marriage didn't last.  

Sorry but your DH sounds just a irresponsible and lazy as his son. Like father like son.  

secret's picture

Nobody walks around my house in underwear. If you MUST be outside your room/bathroom in nothing but your underwear, grab a towel or a robe.

It's common space, not a locker room.

As for the shower - I'd tell him that he smells like a nerdy perverted basement dweller, that you can smell the schmegma on him.

And when he asks what schmegma is... tell him to look it up.

It got MY son to start showering daily. lol

I can understand the too lazy to set up the bed part... it's no big deal for men. It's a man thing, not meant to be disrespectful. I udnerstand your point of view as well, though. Since it bugs you, and not him, any chance you can either ask him to set up the bed beforehand, or set it up for them?

What I would do if I were you, is that when DH gets home from his fun fun day out, I'd pass the babies off to him and say that they had a terrible night, you were up with them, ss hasn't be a help AT ALL, and that since they both had a great day of leisure, it's YOUR turn - give him the babies, and LEAVE for a few hours.

marblefawn's picture

Time to lay down the law with your husband. You've got a sick kid, he's got a lazy half-naked kid. You're taking care of the sick one; he needs to deal with the lazy one.

You have every right to tell your husband to tell his 16-year-old to wear more clothes to bed. Most women would not be comfortable with the tighty whities. If SS is sleeping in a common area, he needs to get up when everyone else does and put his bedding away. Period.

No more golf until SS is straightened out and your baby is sleeping better. Do not be a door mat!!!! You're allowed to demand help when you need it if he's not compassionate enough to offer it. And you certainly have every right to demand he parent his kid!

StepUltimate's picture

Went thru this recently. SS18 so lazy & disrespectful that I disengaged from cleaning his bathroom & changing his towels a year ago. He just last week caught on.

I had to nip the Sleeping on the Couch act the 1st week SS ever stayed at my house, before DH got custody, when SS was 12. Fortunately, I still had the element of surprise & SS was still running his "innocent little boy" routine, so that never became an issue. In hindsight, good to know that I did SOME things right!