Skids Daily Contact with BM??
Just wondering if others have advice on daily contact between skids and BM.
My DH's court order states that they each get to have a night time call with the kids when they are with the other parent.
When my DH call them it is usually around 8:00pm and if BM doesn't answer he just waits for a return call since she can see that there was a missed call. Within a few minutes the kids will call him back to say good night.
When BM calls, if DH is busy and can't answer, the first call is missed call and then a text message, 15 minutes later is another call with a voice mail and a text message, 15 minutes later is another missed call and a text message. This will go on until she reaches the kids. Some nights it starts as early as 6:00. One evening we took the kids to a 7:00 movie and had 4 missed calls, two voicemails, four text messages and two emails.
Is this excessive? I think so. Just recently we blocked her from texting, but now it is just more emails and calls. She demands to be able to contact my DH whenever she wants for the kids sake. Help! DH sets boundaries, but this BM is as crazy as they come and we need help as she goes over every boundary he sets.
I too also used to have "good
I too also used to have "good night" calls set up with my ex. BUT we agreed after about a year of what you describe...to have the call come FROM the kids at 9pm or about that time...
It worked well, and I would know to watch my phone, excuse myself from a movie theater around 9pm or I would text my ex and say "going to a movie, kids don't need to call. or going to a movie can I call at 8:30 before it starts?"
Do you think your DH could work with BM to set up a set time for the call??? and have the kids call her so your not dealing with her constant calls and texts, sounds like she is just playing games at this point...
We tried telling her that the
We tried telling her that the kids would call her but her entitlement raged and she stated that she can call the kids whenever she wants. She will not listen to anything we ask of her. Especially if it means peace for our household. Maybe we can try again.
been there, done that...my BM
It got out of control, we had to take legal action and get a court order to make it stop...
Anyhow she sounds excessive! I wish you luck, it can be very invasive on you an DH's life and I'm sure she knows that too...
What kind of court order? A
What kind of court order? A restraining order or just clarification in your divorce decree?
clarification in the court
clarification in the court order, she was excessive, averaged 5 communications to DH a day, stupid stuff, not kid related...she is married, she should ask her husband but she wasn't...
She was lonely (husband works 2 jobs and is gone A LOT!) and she was looking for emotional attachment and support, she turned to DH, and he was annoyed with the constant irritation. He ignored her, but it didn't stop her.
So he sent a court order to clarify the communication, I'm sure her husband saw it and that also might have encouraged her to stop.
But seriously...
If your in the ER, just found out you need emergency surgery who do you call???
1) your husband 2) your ex husband of 7 years???
If your drunk and at the bar do you? 1) text your ex and tell him you thought about him today 2) anything BUT text your ex...
If you have a flat tire, who do you tell? 1) your husband 2) your ex husband of 7 years???
You just found out your Dad has terminal cancer, who do you call? 1) your husband 2) your ex husband of 7 years???
Yea, my life...lol
It doesn't sound like your BM
It doesn't sound like your BM is a reasonable person so discussing this rationally with her is probably out. Therefore, it falls on your DH to enforce boundaries about this. If the order does not specify the time, then DH needs to simply tell BM that if you are unavailable at the time she calls, the kids will call her back when it fits in your schedule. Ignore all her calls if you are busy. Change your numbers if necessary and only give her one.
I doubt she would ever take you to court over this, so it's just a matter of your DH enforcing some boundaries about it.
Both skids have a cell phone
Both skids have a cell phone too. She will call theirs first and if no answer she harasses DH until they answer. The skids see it too, and roll their eyes when they see how many times their mom is trying to call them. The are 10 and 12 so they get it. This past weekend on Friday when BM called we were busy. SD10 tried to call back twice but BM did not answer. By the time BM called back the skids were sleeping so she did not get to talk to them. On Saturday, SD10 was at a sleep over and SS12 fell asleep really early becuse he was snowboarding all day. So again, she did not get to talk to them. Not our fault either time. BM posted on Facebook, "Does anyone know where SD10 is? I haven't talked to her in 2 days and I was told it is not my business where she is." When DH answered her call he simply told her SS is sleeping after a long day and SD is sleeping at a friends house. She demanded to know where and he replied, it is my time and she is at a sleep over and hung up. Mind you people were making all kinds of negative comments on that post and BM is friends with SS on Facebook. How horrifying that her son could see how evil she is and making his Dad look like a mean person when in reality it was all on her. She must have realized it was bad becuase she took it down. Just not sure how to deal with her anymore??!?
10 & 12 and still on nightly
10 & 12 and still on nightly phone calls? This seems excessive. Is anyone else doing this with Skids and BM?
I am a BM as well as a SM.
I am a BM as well as a SM. When my kids are with their dad, I don't call every night. When my kids leave I tell them I love them and to call me if they can or want to. Otherwise if it is for a longer period of time I will call every other day or something. I usually text them first to make sure they are not busy and talk to them when it is a good time. I have never been this insistent. Even if it is in the CO, kids grow up and get social lives. I just wish she would let go of her anger and see that it is about the kids and not just her. DH is not trying to keep them from her.
BM does not do it with skids,
BM does not do it with skids, she doesn't want to talk to the skids...she only wants to talk to DH. LMAO
I used to do it with my kids, I too am a BM and a SM.
BUT I bought a phone that they could use for it when they were little, so me and ex didn't have to communicate. It was 1 call, at night to say goodnight, kept it to a minimum, and we stopped doing it when the kids were old enough to have their own phones and could text me to let me know stuff. ie:"mom, can I spend the night at my friends friday?" instead of calling me.
So calls stopped
lol, we were done in the
lol, we were done in the movie at 8:30 and they called her as soon as we were done. We both follow the CO. My question is why does she have to call so many times? DH can see that she called and as soon as we are not busy the kids will call.
Thanks for your negative
Thanks for your negative comments. If you are going to be negative at least post constructive criticism. Don't just be mean.
BM1 is always up the kids
BM1 is always up the kids asses but they have their own phones so its none of my cares. BM2 is annoying as hell, pushy and rude. DH has email only with her but she calls alllllll the time for her once a day call and its annoying as hell! We have had the police tell her to stop but she does not care. She calls until they call her back, it works for her crazy ass.
Just keep not answering and
Just keep not answering and keep documenting. Eventually, when you feel like it, slap her with harrassment and make it change by court order to she can call ONCE and leave a message and that's it.
SD11 and SD8 come to our
SD11 and SD8 come to our house, suppose to be eowe but ends up being like around their birthdays, christmas, etc. BM still calls nightly, even if the night call for friday is at 8 and they just left her at 5.
These BM's get nuts, almost like if they dont talk to them every day, the kids forget they exsist. I call my kids but if they dont call back, they dont. If I need them to know something I text EXh and he tells them or they call. No I dont mean I need to tell them goodnight. I'm referring to having xyz when I pick you up tomorrow.
SD11 has a cell, but BM has said DH can't call her on it, so if he calls he must GO THRU BM. So DH calls irregularly now, fine. SD11 brought her phone to our house this weekend, she has been told not to do so. She thought she'd sneak it past, Sorry girlie.
At 8:20 she asks "daddyyyy can I have my phone back to call mommmmyy for nite nite" yep she's 11. So DH says you can use my phone to call your mom and talk to her. BM didn't answer. At 8:30 DH turned his ringer off his phone. I generally never turn mine off and DH does irregularly, esp if BM has been calling and texing alot.
BM had the nerve to text my phone at 8:49 "have DH call me please", seriously broad. I didn't answer her, showed it to DH. I told him on the way out to give the kids the phone to call her, tell her not to call my phone unless its a true emergency. He didn't Wimp. I'm blocking her. Period.
Seriously these phones calls are out of control. If it's just 2 nights I dont see the reason why they HAVE to talk to them. If it's longer than sure once or whatever. I can't see having it in the CO that's insane.
I thought it was bad when SD
I thought it was bad when SD was like 8-9yrs old. She is now 15, and BM texts almost every hour or so.
Last week, DH picked up SD15 at 6, by 7:30. BM was already harassing her.
A few weeks ago, BM emailed DH to see where she was since it was 9am and SD hadn't texted her yet. (ummm- she's a teen and she is sleeping)
We ignore anything (email/text) that DH gets, but DH has also given up arguing with SD or BM about it- he just refuses to have yet another fight about phones etc..
Crazy bitch has never had my number
Both sides
I see both sides of this. My DH calls them on nights they're with her, and vice versa. I like it that they stay connected.
It wasn't like that for me when my parents divorced, and I think it would've been nice.
What I don't like: BM coming here a couple times a week on our week, to deliver stuff to the Skids. Either things they forgot at her house, or treats they don't need. And BM shuttling them out here a couple times a week, during her week, to drop stuff off/pick stuff up. I also don't like BM trying to referee conversations she's not a part of. Basically, I don't like BM.
Tit for tat... works.
If BM does not respect DH's evening call with his kids, she gets no respect for her evening call with the Skids.
Period.
I am definately team no daily contact on the opposition parents visitation time. The daily crap is invasive of the other parents time and distracting to the kids when they are supposed to be engaging with the parent whose time it is.
When SS was in SpermLand for visitation we called no more frequently than once a week. The CO'd visitation schedule was long distance (5Wks Summer, 1Wk Winter, 1 Wk Spring).