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SIL makes an annoying appearance

Disillusioned's picture

My mother passed away last week. Tough week for sure, and I'm sure sad days to follow. I did not expect SIL or OSD to have the class to even so much as send a text message of condolence.

Unlike when MIL and then FIL passed, regardless of how disgusting SIL and OSD had always been to me, I made sure to call and convey heartfelt condolences to them live

But last week, when my Mom died we heard nothing from them

A day or two after SIL did send a short text. But to DH. ???? Conveying her condolences to me & DH

This just irratated me to no end. She has my cell number. It was my Mother that passed, not DH's. I don't need to hear a second-hand message of condolence from someone who has my number and could have sent it directly to me

DH seemed impressed that she sent it

I had no response at all

She didn't send it to me

Would have been so much happier not to have heard anything at all from her

And OSD as expected, said and did nothing at all

These people's actions simply disgust me

JRI's picture

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's passing.  Sad times.  A tough way to start the new year.  

CajunMom's picture

for the loss of your mom. I've walked that path myself. Sending you a big hug. 

You are not alone on the Step issues. In a 4 year span, I lost my sister and 10 year old nephew, my brother 6 weeks later, then another brother and my mom 3 years later. And my dog during that time. Not one response from any of DHs pathetic adult kids who were all aware of the losses.

The one "thank you" I got from DH's DIL for a baby his phone. Nothing to me. 

Remembering this reminds me why I'm totally disengaged from DHs kids. 

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. 


Disillusioned's picture

Thank you CajunMom, and wow that is brutal. The silence I agree is disgusting. But seriously, somehow the text -  just to DH - is even worse. So sorry for your losses too :( 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm so sorry you lost your mom, Disillusioned. {{{hugs}}} Been there, done that, hate the T shirt.

My mother lived with DH and I for the last months of her life, and her death became a measuring stick for how I regarded DH's people. 

To H@ll with the lot of them. Your SIL sent a text (!) to her brother instead of you as a way to follow form in the least possible way. She knew he'd give her credit for the action while you would recognize it for the pathetic carp it is.

Take this as permission to be done with that witch forever.

Disillusioned's picture

Thank you Exjulie, and so sorry you have gone through this too. You couldn't be more accuracte in how I feel about what my SIL did. I agree she simply did it to look good to DH, and at the same time as always, stick it to me. No reason at all she couldn't have at a mimimum sent the text directly to me. 

Beleive you me I was done with her before this, and this just confirms it for me

shellpell's picture

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. I heard nada from my in-laws when my mother passed almost 3 years ago. And Dh even called them to let them know. All they did was talk to himabout other ppl they knew they had passed. But no text, call, email, pigeon, nothing to me. And my mother had passed from a long drawn out illness.

Disillusioned's picture

So sorry shell that you have also gone through this. Youre inlaws are clearly as nastly as my SIL and OSD

Winterglow's picture

I am so sorry for youir loss, Disillusioned. Be kind to yourself and take the time to grieve. Remember all the happy times. I lost my own mother in April and couldn't even attend her funeral due to Covid restrictions in the country where she lived.

I have ILs like yours. None of them even so much as called me but they did the same when my father died several years ago too. All they could muster was no eye contact and mumbling "sorry for ..." while fumbling with their napkins at a family meal 6 months later. Right now, BIL is telling all and sundry what awful people we are because we didn't send a card on his mother's passing a month ago. We were upset we couldn't attend her funeral due to the pandemic restrictions and it never occurred to us to send a card. However, I feel no guilt about it at all. His mother was a lovely lady and knew how much I appreciated her (I think her son must have been a changeling).

Disillusioned's picture

Thank you so much Winterglow, and the same to you. So sorry for your mother's loss as well. Wow, so unbelievable how some people can be. I've never been like that and can't imagine having so little class and maturity. Just wow

AgedOut's picture

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts to lose someone so dear to you. 


As for your SIL, let hubby savor the thrill of her texting him because honestly, she didn't say anything to you so he can stop expecting you to see the good in her acts. A halfhearted sympathy text to the wrong person is a deliberate smack to you and she can go ... herself. 

Disillusioned's picture

Thank you AgedOut, I appreciate that. And yes, that is Exactly how I feel. Just another opportunity for my SIL to deliberately stick it to me. And that she would use the death of my mother to do it, is as low and classless as it gets. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Losing a loved one is very hard indeed. Savor the good times and memories you had with your mama.

Your DH's family sound downright brutal. Heartless, and even during a loss they just need to stick it to you in some way. This shows you who they are, and becomes more pronounced  during a very difficult time. F them . Disgusting really.

Disillusioned's picture

Thank you Stepdrama, this is exactly how I feel and I agree during difficult times to see that behaviour from people really shows you who they truly are. 

All the more reason I'm so happy to have disengaged from them. I have nothing to say to SIL or OSD, and the longer I don't hear from them the happier I am. 

I'm happy with my life. They on the other hand are miserable, jealous, insecure infantiles needing to lash out at every pathetic opportunity. How disgusting and very said they would stoop so very low

Merry's picture

I am so sorry for your loss. I've been there too.

My SIL sent heartfelt condolences to me, and flowers. She is a dear. SD said the flowers were supposed to be from her too, but SIL "forgot" to put her name on the card. I kinda think that was worse than SS saying/doing nothing. 

After my Mom passed, I lost two eldery dogs within a few months of each other, and I was pretty much a blubbering idiot for a while. Still nothing.

It's just so coldhearted.

Disillusioned's picture

I'm so sorry for you losses Merry, and yes it's cold-hearted of people not to make even the tinest effort to reach out. In my case, I've always had the class to call my SIL and OSD directly, when MIL passed and when FIL did as well

I sucked it up and made the calls, showed emphathy and was kind

Neither one of them could show the same class or maturity when my Mother died

And YSD, well she is truly the worst. She plays these little sneaky snarky games and probably has the least class as far as I'm concerned. 

I just so want nothing to do with any of them any longer