SIL contacted DH
So DH received a text message from SIL
it's been a year and a half since there has been any contact
As soon as DH mentioned to me that SIL texted him my immediate feeling was oh no, here we go with the continuation of drama and games
I had quite enjoyed the freedom from her toxic negative energy and figured it was just a matter of time before her and/or OSD started it up again
She texted DH to let him know that a friend of their family (late MIL's best friend) is in the hospital
It's good SIL informed DH (although I suspect only because MIL's friend had requested that) but this lady is like a second mom to DH and has been incredibly wonderful to me as well, in the now 20+ years that I've known her, so glad DH was made aware and sad to hear that....and hope there is none of the usual crap from SIL and that's it for now from her
As it is just that one contact, one mention of her from DH, brought lots of bad memories of her, and literally just makes me shudder!
I can relate. It doesn't
I can relate. It doesn't happen often, but when my DH does hear from one of his relatives, my anxiety spikes.
How did your DH respond?
Exjulie, I thought it was
Exjulie, I thought it was going to get really ugly....as POA for this lady, will call her 'Mary" (long story behind that it was suppossed to be DH but due to a huge issue between OSD and Mary and DH never addressing it with OSD let alone asking her to apologize for her behaviour which he should have done in a second but wouldn't dare stand up to his DD of course) SIL who is the POA instead as a result was getting updates but after the initial update to DH, taking her time letting him know what was going on or giving really vague updates
According to SIL, Mary didn't want any phone calls so the only updates came from SIL calling the hospital and again, letting long laspes happen or offering vague info to DH, at one point reminding DH that SHE was the power of attorney and that was why and how she had the info first hand and not he
Mary has been like a second Mom to DH and SIL, and has treated me as well, like absolute gold in the 20+ years that DH & I have been together, DH was frustrated to say the least and I could feel the tension building and he was at the point of saying something to SIL when Mary was released from the hospital, back home, called us and we had a wonderful chat with her
Hopefully we will not hear from SIL again!
Sorry to hear that the PTSD
Sorry to hear that the PTSD associated with SIL is that immediate when she makes contact.
My college BFF is one who continually serves himself up to be taken advantage of by the same toxic people over and over again. His SIL (his DW's sister) is a POS who continually periodically plays the "I need a place to live or I will be homeless." card and my BFF takes her in. He is nearly entirely driven by guilt and it takes decades of abuse for him to gain clarity. Sadly his clarity is only gained one toxic person at a time rather than learning his lessons on the level of recognizing any and all toxic people. It took so many instances of his SIL taking advantage of him over and over and over again for him to gain clarity that I finally had to tell him that if he was going to keep accepting her crap that I did not want to hear about it any longer.
He did finally end the insanity.
IMHO that your SIL contacted your DH to inform him that the close family friend was ill is a good thing. Though it does not absolve her of the long and distinguished toxic abuse of you and your DH. Your reaction is based on her history. Follow your gut on this and make sure DH maintains clarity.
Good luck. I hope SIL's emergence from under her slime covered rock is brief and does not include her usual PITA crap.
Thanks for your insights Rags
Thanks for your insights Rags, as always it is appreciated and valued. Let's hope you are right too LOL