It depends. Do you enjoy getting divorced? If so, center the marriage around the kids, forget about anything that brought you together as a couple in the first place, and wait for the resentment to crush all the life out of the relationship. Fun times!
That whole "forsaking all others" thing includes the kids! Sorry not sorry.
Kids grow up, kids move out (We HOPE!!), what happens when they are gone and you don't know your spouse? You have no connections to them anymore. Biblically speaking, your marriage has to come first in everything.
Your boyfriend's life is centered around everybody EXCEPT you. His kids, his mother, his ex, himself. That is unacceptable, I don't know why you are still with him.
Maybe sometimes for short periods, like when there's a brand new baby or a kid-related crisis. The rest of the time, no. My SO and I spend a LOT of time with his kids. We have them half the time. We do a lot of kid-related things. We see more G movies than R movies. I make kid-friendly meals. My house sometimes resembles a toy store. But the kids, although a big focus, are not the center of our relationship.
Caitlin, you are simply not a priority for your BF. If it wasn't his kids, it would be something else.
child-centered. My kids needs come first 99% of the time. Their wants are prioritized by the wants of the rest of us. If my kids have a school event and we have a planned date night...the school event will come first and the date night will be arranged for another time. That being said, DH and I spend a lot of time together without the kids and always have even if that means date nights at home. But we also know that there are no do-overs when it comes to kid things. There isn't a do-over for that special choir concert or that championship football game. Unfortunately my ex husband believes there are always do-overs. Hell, he skipped our son's wedding and then tried to make up for it with a dinner out. There is no do-over for that. He missed it. He wasn't in a photograph and he didn't see our son get married. He has no relationship with our grandchildren because he believes there is always later and then freaks out when the grandkids call my husband "pop" and see DH as their only grandpa.
Despite all of that our world doesn't revolve around the kids and never has. Our marriage is important to us and we work to keep it on top.
Hell no. That’s why I’m sick of DH. He wanted me to spend all my money and resources on his brats and got jealous when I spoiled my own child. Well after a few months of realizing that his daughter is horribly mean and petty he gave up on wanting me to be their mother. Now everything I do is for me, DH and DD. Skids have a mother. DH has accepted it.
As I have found out to my peril, no good deed goes unpunished where skids are concerned. They are like massive black holes and the more lovely things you do for them, the more the black holes want fed and the bigger and more entitled they get. When I first joined this site, I saw all these people talking about 'disengagement' and thought 'that can never work in practice'. Oh how times have changed. It is the only coping mechanism some of us have!
If a marriage has the stepkids at the centre, it is on really rocky ground. As a stepmother, I couldn't stand it. It is the wrong way to go. No wonder some of us stepmothers blow like volcanoes.
It depends
It depends. Do you enjoy getting divorced? If so, center the marriage around the kids, forget about anything that brought you together as a couple in the first place, and wait for the resentment to crush all the life out of the relationship. Fun times!
That whole "forsaking all
That whole "forsaking all others" thing includes the kids! Sorry not sorry.
Kids grow up, kids move out (We HOPE!!), what happens when they are gone and you don't know your spouse? You have no connections to them anymore. Biblically speaking, your marriage has to come first in everything.
Your boyfriend's life is
Your boyfriend's life is centered around everybody EXCEPT you. His kids, his mother, his ex, himself. That is unacceptable, I don't know why you are still with him.
No. Not. Ever. Even. If. You.
No. Not. Ever. Even. If. You. Like. Said. Kid.
Maybe sometimes for short
Maybe sometimes for short periods, like when there's a brand new baby or a kid-related crisis. The rest of the time, no. My SO and I spend a LOT of time with his kids. We have them half the time. We do a lot of kid-related things. We see more G movies than R movies. I make kid-friendly meals. My house sometimes resembles a toy store. But the kids, although a big focus, are not the center of our relationship.
Caitlin, you are simply not a priority for your BF. If it wasn't his kids, it would be something else.
I think it depends on what you mean by
child-centered. My kids needs come first 99% of the time. Their wants are prioritized by the wants of the rest of us. If my kids have a school event and we have a planned date night...the school event will come first and the date night will be arranged for another time. That being said, DH and I spend a lot of time together without the kids and always have even if that means date nights at home. But we also know that there are no do-overs when it comes to kid things. There isn't a do-over for that special choir concert or that championship football game. Unfortunately my ex husband believes there are always do-overs. Hell, he skipped our son's wedding and then tried to make up for it with a dinner out. There is no do-over for that. He missed it. He wasn't in a photograph and he didn't see our son get married. He has no relationship with our grandchildren because he believes there is always later and then freaks out when the grandkids call my husband "pop" and see DH as their only grandpa.
Despite all of that our world doesn't revolve around the kids and never has. Our marriage is important to us and we work to keep it on top.
Hell no. That’s why I’m sick
Hell no. That’s why I’m sick of DH. He wanted me to spend all my money and resources on his brats and got jealous when I spoiled my own child. Well after a few months of realizing that his daughter is horribly mean and petty he gave up on wanting me to be their mother. Now everything I do is for me, DH and DD. Skids have a mother. DH has accepted it.
No way, unless you want to
No way, unless you want to raise a bunch of entitled, spoiled jerks.
Absolutely not
As I have found out to my peril, no good deed goes unpunished where skids are concerned. They are like massive black holes and the more lovely things you do for them, the more the black holes want fed and the bigger and more entitled they get. When I first joined this site, I saw all these people talking about 'disengagement' and thought 'that can never work in practice'. Oh how times have changed. It is the only coping mechanism some of us have!
If a marriage has the stepkids at the centre, it is on really rocky ground. As a stepmother, I couldn't stand it. It is the wrong way to go. No wonder some of us stepmothers blow like volcanoes.