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Should the kids let the parents know when they have school activities or is that the place of the ex-spouse?

sable89's picture

My husband's ex-wife is always texting when their kids have activities, which is fine. But, I pose the question, is it her place or the kids? They are 9 and 12. Sometimes I feel like it is just an excuse for her to have contact with him.

Amazed's picture

My husband's ex has SD in so many damned activities the poor child can't even remember how to eat and sleep most times. SD is 11 and ALL activity communication takes place between her mother and her father.

SD is kinda ditzy and will pull the spacey, "oooooohhhhh...hey dad...i'm supposed to be at this activity in 5 minutes...i forgot."

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

sable89's picture

I know what you mean. My husband's ex has my SD in everything you can think of. And it only gets worse with summer coming up. My SS doesn't do that much. It seems like every week it is something......

Amazed's picture

Yup TheFrizz lives vicariously through her daughter. Dh barely spends any real time w/SD because during the times that we do have her, she still has to attend her "regularly scheduled activities"

*gag*

But if DH and TheFrizz didn't communicate directly, SD would never get to her activities bc she'd forget to tell her father. She's really smart but I think momma might have been sucking on the bong while preggo or something...who knows. She's just spacey...

I wouldn't get too upset about the contact, as long as it's strictly about the kids, you've got nothing to worry about. Be confident that you rock and BM does NOT.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

Abalyn's picture

Sable, I am the BM of a 9 yo girl and 12 yo boy. They are each in one activity at a time, but there's invariably a school play or something cropping up. I send an email to the grandparents (including ex in-laws), my husband, and my ex and his wife to periodically update them. If they relied on the kids to let them know, they would never attend anything. If she's just texting a "hey, they have a ball game monday at 7" I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it's followed up with a "so what have you been up to" that's a different story.

You'll find plenty of blogs on here from SM's pissed off because the ex doesn't tell them when stuff is and relies on the kids to do it. When it doesn't get relayed, then that is BM's fault. Just saying that if you put your foot down about this, your DH should be prepared to miss out on a lot. Kids are irresponsible like that.

sable89's picture

Thanks everyone! I know now not to over-react.
It is great to be able to get feedback from someone who is in the same boat.

sable89's picture

Yeah, the BM was sending emails till I called her on one of them and I guess when she realized the BF was sending and CC me on the emails she quit. Now she uses text. The BF never responds to her unless he has to.

epgr's picture

well, as bad as this is.. I will check DH email, he will check mine too.. its not a control thing just something that we dont hide from each other.. well if there is an email from BM, I will read it, write up a reply, call him and read each to him and he will say ok.. send it.. BM is so stupid, she was married to the man and dont even realize that it is me talking not him.. I dont even try to use words that he would or put things like he would.. for the most part he would just say nothing.. but nooooo I cant do that.. I have alot to say most of the time (as I am sure you can see from allll of my posts in the past day).
Same with texts.. he will get one and show me.. omg, in the past week she has accidentally sent him 2 texts, one said "I will be home soon hunny, I love you" the other said "lunch is at noon, I love you".. so DH texted back and said, well I am hungry but I dont think my wife or your boyfriend would appriciate that, lol, or are you just hitting on me?
she didnt text back.. lol.. odd how she can send to him on accident, his name starts with a B, her bf starts with S..
We joke about it all the time.. I ask him if he is proud of himself.. she now looks like meth head crack whore.. he will say well everyone has to start somewhere or something smart assed..

sable89's picture

That is hilarious!! I wish BM would move on and find someone, then I don't think she would have time to think of things to text BF. My ex found someone and all of his harrassing stopped as soon as he did.