Should I leave?

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I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he has his girl (8) and boy (10) 2 or 3 nights a week. In the beginning everything went well, but as soon as I met his kids I noticed he was being a really bad father. He regularly yells at them, insults them and their mother, and just explodes for stupid reasons. Used to spank them too but I made him stop. This was one of the reasons his marriage fell apart. Besides, he feeds them crap, co-sleeps with both of them, and with time I gave up on trying to make things better. I do not live with him, but spend a lot of time at his place. I decided to leave because I cannot take witnessing the abuse on the children anymore, the mother knows about it all but apparently can't or won't do anything about it. I am only worried about the kids because I care about them very much and they have always loved them and accepted me from the beginning. Is it normal that I feel responsible for their wellbeing when the biological parents apparently do not? I feel bad disappearing from their lives but what else can I do?

You can not care more than

You can not care more than the bioparents! You CAN'T! I would leave, and in a few weeks I would call child protective services because I guarantee as soon as you leave he's going to spank them again. The only reason he's not spanking them is for you.

I would not stay.. and

I would not stay.. and unfortunately.. you can't "save" his kids from him... sometimes we lose the parent lottery. If you think he is abusive.. you could call CPS?

I would have lost any respect

I would have lost any respect I had for him a long time ago. Leave.

Call CPS if you think it's warranted.

Breakup, go incognito and

Breakup, go incognito and report to CPS.

And then thank yourself you were able to free yourself from this mess.

None of the things you are

None of the things you are complaining about (crap food, yelling, volital temper, etc) would result in removal here. Your profile says Italy. Unless Italian law outlaws corporal punishment in the home even that is not cause. SO's behavior may be a reason his relationship with the children' s mother is no more, but it is probably not enough to deny him visitation/ custody.

This is not the relationship for you. You need to leave. Staying and sacrificing your happiness would not solve anything.

It is the same here in Italy.

It is the same here in Italy. That's what bothers me so much, the fact that someone can do so much damage to young kids without any real consequences. That's one of the reasons why I stayed so long, trying to help this family, but everyone here is right, I need to leave.

Thank you everyone for answering.

He sounds abusive

Since you do not live together, its easy peasy to leave this one.

Go totally no contact, and change your locks if you have given him a key.

Do The break up via phone or text, so he cannot try to hoover his way back in with false promises of change. In fact, dont give him reasons, it gives him ammunition.

Glad you have the sense to leave! So many get trapped because they quit their jobs, leave everything behind to move in with failed POS bio parents. Then, they get pregnant and are super stuck because they dont want to deprive their new child of a parent.

Do not have intimacy with him again also.

Thank you. He never wanted to

Thank you. He never wanted to live together anyways, said he doesn't see a future with me. I guess I have only wasted my time

I'm so sorry for you.

I'm so sorry for you. Especially if you really loved this guy and loved the time you two had together as a couple without the kids. You need to put yourself first and do whats right for yourself. I am sure there are better guys around with whom you don't need to seek support in this forum. (I hope anyway)

Don't consider this wasting

Don't consider this wasting your time. Consider it learning what you find unacceptable in a partner.

I am in the exact same

I am in the exact same situation. He feeds her with ice cream and sweets instead of real food. Doesn't cook or buy real food. He buys take away but now they've learnt that if they say they're full after a couple of bites they can eat sweets and ice cream and chocolate for the rest of the day. We have a normal healthy diet when she's not around. Also cosleeps which makes me mad and thats when we have our biggest fights. No discipline what so ever. she can get all she wants, decide what we do and when, where we go, who we meet, all programme revolves around her. She decides her own bedtime. No chores are expected of her, not even cleaning up after herself. Im supposed to pick dirty clothing off livingroom/kitchen/hallway/her bedroom floors. Zero parenting skills. Gave up on wanting kids after met this guy. Now i am trying to disengage. Sometimes it works. Though he insists on me taking part in all family activities and look cheerful even though I can't stand her behavior and wish i could just be left by myself to do my own thing

I would wash my hands of this

I would wash my hands of this situation. As another poster wrote, you can't care more than the parents. This is an unhealthy dynamic between father/kids, especially the co-sleeping part. I would walk away as this situation is likely to deteriorate and you may find yourself in the middle of it. If you stay, you're signing up for a lifetime of grief, drama and unhappiness. You wrote that these kids have accepted and loved you from the start, but that will likely change as they grow older. Also, kids who are raised in this manner do not grow up to launch and become successful adults. So, you'd likely be living with this kids - forever. Think about that.

Save yourself, leave, block this man and live your life, preferably with someone who doesn't have kids.

I know ...

I don't know about the kids growing up and our relationship changing, but I am sure it's possibile. The 8 year old girl already told me she hates her father, after he ruined Christmas by having an angry fit and throwing dishes on the floor. That was the last straw for me.

Sad I won't see them anymore but I agree this is hopeless. Thank you

What a sad situation. Yes,

What a sad situation. Yes, that would not work for me either.

Please take care of yourself. And know you deserve better than this situation - his kids do too, but there's nothing you can do about that. :( Some people just shouldn't be parents.

*****HUGS*****

So I did leave and he says he

So I did leave and he says he's going to do better. And I don't believe that, because if he wanted to get help he would've gotten it a long time ago.

He shouldn't be a parent. Well said.

Thank you

Hoover

He will turn on the charm, create a mythology, and hoover someone else in. And that someone else is not YOU.

You dodged a bullet there, and thats a wonderful thing!

You GOT This!

Proud of you. I know it's hard, but the worst part is over.

You did it! Please stick around for support & encouragement.

You have to do what's right

You have to do what's right for you. Know that he will make all kinds of promises in the initial aftermath of your departure. My ex started to try to compromise when he saw that I was leaving but I resisted any negotiation to stay in the relationship because I knew my life would not have improved in any way if I stayed.

Please take care of yourself, we are here for you...

Thanks

Thank you. He said he's started seeing a psychologist. I guess I still care a lot...

Thank you.

You don't think people can change, do you? For a while I really hoped so... Never seen it happen though

I don't think people change,

I don't think people change, especially not in this type of situation. I haven't spoken to my ex after I left. He did email me once and I forwarded his email to my divorce attorney, copied my ex in on it so he was aware my attorney had his email. I never responded to his email. At the divorce hearing, he shows up without counsel and tries to contest the divorce and wanted alimony. Judge shut his sh&t down, granted the divorce and he went on his way. Haven't heard from him since but I am sure he is parenting his now 22 yo failure to launch in the same way he did prior to my leaving. And I'm sure he's still just as angry and abusive as he was when I left.

Hang in there. It is rough, especially when you first leave. Things will get better. I would recommend counseling - that helped me a great deal.

Reedle You ROCK!!

OMG I love your update!

Yup, StepUltimate,

You and I are in full agreement as concerns reedle's update! She's a champ, as are you. Both of you gals had the strength to escape horrific environments and have remained on the site to support and encourage those others who are desperately in need of rescue. You deserve a thousand thanks!

Thanks friend!

Thanks StepUltimate and Granny D! Really, I don't know what would've happened to me if I hadn't found support on this site!

If you are asking, the answer far more than likely than not, is

yes. You should leave.

I have not read your original post or any responses. Listen to your gut.

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