Should I disconnect completely from he Adult Step Kids?
Just an update from Step son wishes me dead in the gutter post a year ago. About 1.5 months I was diagnosed with Valley Fever a month ago. Tumor in lung and tumors on spine. So you can say I a pretty sick and going through a lot of procedures, scans and taking highly toxic medication. My husbands adult kids are all aware of this, he has mentioned it to them. Never once have they asked how I was doing or wished me get well wishes. Nor have received any phone calls or text messages from any of step kids asking how I was. My birthday was last week. Not one phone call or a text message.. Nothing on Facebook either… Now as I explained to my husband they probably would wish a stranger a happy birthday if the were told it was somebodies birthday. Or if they were told someone or a stranger was ill they was would say oh I hope they feel better…Something along those words… Nothing for me and it hurts me down to my soul. BUT the good news is oldest grand baby age 14 sent me a birthday text late on my birthday. I loved it. Tears of joy… It made me the happiest women in the world. I asked her to please stay in touch. She said she would… I have not seemed the grand kids in almost 2 years. I prayed for the past 2 years that the grandkids as they got older would wonder and start to come around. I am keeping my fingers crossed this is what is happening. Ok ….My question is do I send them all a message on how selfish and hurtful I think they are for ignoring me ? Or message then it is time to cut the rope together. Unfriend then on face book I done being ignored I will not be sending birthday cards, gifts, congrats, etc? Or I am open you anyone else suggestion on what they would write of do….
Don't give them the
Don't give them the satisfaction of letting them know they have hurt you. More than likely, they will just turn that around on you, anyway.
There is not need to communicate your intentions, just do it, then ignore. Engaging them in that conversation just gives them an opening for excuses, blame, and whatever else they can dream up. Cut ties, stop sending gifts, cards, etc., and just be done.
Simple. Block them on FB,
Simple. Block them on FB, your phone, etc. Forget that you ever knew them. Done.
That's what I've done with my SS and his GF. Life is so much better.
Happy belated birthday!
Happy belated birthday! Hearing from your granddaughter on your birthday was great. I missed the call from my DS and GD3 on my birthday...but they left a message and her sweet little voice saying Happy Birthday made my day!
My DH's birthday is three days later than mine and our Anniversary (10years) is the beginning of our birthdays week. My birthday is on a national holiday. None of the three adult step daughters has ever remember my birthday or anniversary.
I am disengaged from them completely for five years. It is the best option with this bunch.
Do not announce your intent to disengage. Just do it. Leave all of your DH's family stuff to him. If he tends to spend too much on gifts out of joint funds then only become involved as much as you need to be. Let him remember their birthdays and such.
If unfriending them on social media will cause a stir then just unfollow them so you do not see their posts unless you go to their page.
Take care of your health now. Release all things that cause you stress. Involve yourself in your own interest, hobbies and passions. Listen to great music. Go see funny movies.
If there are things you cannot get out of your head then write them in a journal. Write how you feel in a letter and then burn it.
Then write all the wonderful dreams you have for your own life and start making the dreams a reality.
Get well soon!
Thank you for writing and
Thank you for writing and suggesting a journal or letter… I have left the door cracked open a bit for those grand kids… Happy birthday to you too.
Thanks for the birthday
Thanks for the birthday greeting! I hope you can reconnect with the grandchildren one day. Bypassing the toxic skids.
Hey. Just spend all the skid inheritance on traveling the world with the grandkids someday. That will get their goats!
Sometimes I need slap in the
Sometimes I need slap in the face. I am always hanging on to hope for the grandkids to come around. I have left the door cracked open for those reasons. Thank you for writing and Yes I will concentrate on me getting healthy..
I agree with all the advice
I agree with all the advice to disengage and no notice is necessary.
I am guessing that there is some small part of you that would hope that they would feel remorse or hurt by knowing you were cutting ties, but in reality, people that have acted as they have towards you are likely to either not care... or take some perverse satisfaction knowing you were hurt.
So, concentrate on yourself and surround yourself with people that love and support you. Life is too short to waste it thinking about those that have done you wrong.
The only person you might need to clue in is your DH.. explain that due to the hurtful history with his children that he can do you the favor of not making you deal with them.. hearing about them etc... that you need to concentrate on positive things in your life.
Disengage
Disengage
Disengage, block, focus only
Disengage, block, focus only on those who are bringing positive energy into your life.
Disengage and block all
Disengage and block all social media connections with these step adults....You need to concentrate on your health and well being now, and not wast another moment thinking about those who intentionally exclude you from your own marriage...It works, you will find more peace.
Thank you for your kind
Thank you for your kind words. Hugs back to you… I will not just try to disengage to I will do it. I need to focus on my health.
sending hugs and healing
sending hugs and healing thoughts your way.
i agree that disengaging is the best with your skids. you dont expect anything.
i do this with in laws and skids. i am happier this way. i dont hear from them and i dont hear about them.