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Should have listened to you all!

pinklove0015's picture

All of you guys know my situation. I should have listened to you all and I will admit that I was dumb for giving him another chance.

I ended up moving in with my ex because he promised to go get counseling and to get help it never happened he never went to counseling. So we moved in together and his control issues got worse. He would accuse me constantly of talking to men behind his back and I could not have any guy friends, so I blocked all my guy friends and he still accused me he even put a tracker on my phone, yes I know I shouldn't have allowed it. I am the stupid one. He was a gambler he claimed to be a professional poker player but never had any money, his son never had clothes that fit him, and he always made excuses for his son. There were not rules and no boundaries.

The child would hide my sons cell phone on him and he did it multiple times, and my ex would make excuses and say he was only joking, he would lie to get my son in trouble. The kid even threatened to hit me and my ex stuck up for him and said he was joking. I am sorry but you don't threaten to hit an adult. The child could do whatever he wanted. His son who is only ten would try to control my son and be the boss. He would ask my son for high fives and then move his hand away so my son would miss and accidently hit him, then he would go run to his dad saying my son hit him. The kid was so deranged he hid his own xboxone remote and blamed my son, and then admitted he hid his own remote. This is why I did not like the child or want a relationship with him because he was so mean to my son and had not respect for me or adults. 

He would constantly complain that me and my family did not like his child. My family and I gave my ex and his child multiple chances to be good and my mother let them both in her home mulitple times the child was rude and disrespectful. He thought the only person in the house who deserved respect was his child. I am so happy to be rid of him and his toxic son, everyone has issues but his and his sons issues were beyond crazy. I even went and changed my number. What do you guys all think?

pinklove0015's picture

I really tried to work with his insecurity issues because I really cared about him, but he just refused to get help and had trust issues and there were no rules for his child. My mental health was really deteriorating because of him, you said you are right behind me whats going on in your situation?

MrsStepMom's picture

Complete lack of discipline ever. Kid has become physical with me, screamed in my face, called me names, never any punishment or even dad telling him to stop. He does whatever he wants and it doesn't matter. I have tried talking to DH, counseling, etc and at the end of the day he might occasionally make some improvements (the kid is now forced to wash his hands once a day, SMH) but he will not change his parenting and i cannot live with it. I am physically sick from the stress regularly. It is hard because beyond this my DH and I have a lovely relationship but I cannot live with the terrorist in my home and we have him full time with BM barely even taking the times she has per the CO, which is Spring Break and half of summer.

pinklove0015's picture

At least you and your dh have a good relationship! My ex and I have had a horrible relationship since a month into our relationship. I went to a wedding with my handicapped friend that I had planned before my ex was even in the picture. We took a picture together at the wedding and he said that was cheating. If I talked to a male friend without his knowledge he considered that cheating. I don't believe in cheating. I have never cheated on anyone, but according to him that was cheating. I changed everything and blocked all my guy friends even created a new facebook, and it still wasn't good enough. 

He treated me HORRIBLE. He was mad and accused me of running around with men because I did not want to watch his child and babysit. Yes I did not want to babysit because his child was rude, did not know please and thank you threatened to hit me, would lie about my son and hide his stuff and try to boss him around thats why I wanted nothing to do with the kid.

MrsStepMom's picture

Ya his behavior is a form of abuse. Making things up to control and isolate you is a huge sign. I will say though that having a good relationship is making it harder to leave because in that sense no i don’t want to. I almost wish I could just hate him. 

pinklove0015's picture

but you got to remember your husband allows his child to act this way. I know you love him, but the child is going to ruin your life.

MrsStepMom's picture

You are right and I keep reminding myself of that. It gets fuzzy when we are together and it’s so nice. I literally find myself saying it in my head on repeat so I don’t lose focus. 

pinklove0015's picture

My ex and I would have good times he would fight with me and break up with me every three weeks, it was exhausting but I stayed because I loved him and thought he would eventually see that I was a loyal committed gf.

StepUltimate's picture

... but glad you got you & your son out of there. Glad you were honest with yourself.

Welcome to the rest of your life, though!

pinklove0015's picture

I am glad I am out, nothing was ever going to change I would have never been happy.I did everything he asked me to do and it still wasn't enough. 

ndc's picture

I think you did the right thing for yourself and, more importantly, your son.  I hope you're done giving this man chances - he's already shown you that he's not going to change either his controlling behavior or his lousy parenting.. 

pinklove0015's picture

I gave him so many chances I let him control my life. I blocked all my male friends because he did not want me talking to them, he used to hack my phone in the middle of the night to go threw my stuff, he never found anything but still accused. I am not a cheater never have been never will be.

pinklove0015's picture

its still hard though. I mean I made the right decision. But I don't like the idea I got used for a year.

pinklove0015's picture

I learned a lot! not to let anyone control you or change you, and no matter what you do it will never be good enough. 

still learning's picture

The irony is that once he controls you and gets you to change he loses interest.  I stopped doing things because exH was super jealous all the time. He was even jealous if I went out on a walk alone thinking I was meeting someone around the corner.  In the end I lost relationships, my marriage and myself.  I am now very conscious of controlling manipulative people and steer clear!  Live and learn honey.  

Siemprematahari's picture

Good riddance! Keep moving forward without him and his son and NEVER look back.