Should BM be allowed in our home?
I have been with my BF who is also the BioDad for about a year. He has 2 biological kids, 4 and 8 that live with us half the year. A few days on a few off, etc. I have no kids of my own and don't want that to change. Every once and a while the BM will come to our house to pick up the kids. Since she hates me, I have expressed to my BF that I would prefer if she does not come inside the house.
On one recent occasion the SKs asked their mom to come inside to check out some stuff for Christmas and she just followed them inside. I disappeared before she got in the house because I wanted to avoid having any awkward interactions in front of the kids. As they kept trying to show her around my BF said "Ok, we need to get going". He didn't feel like he could tell the kids their mom couldn't come inside in the first place so he was trying to minimize the amount of time she spent.
I later told him I appreciated him trying to make it as brief as possible. He said that it didn't feel good to have to rush her out of the house and that he felt like it upset his kids. After some discussion, he agreed to not have her pick the kids up here to avoid having to keep her out of the house. But I could tell that he was agreeing to comply, not because he felt it was the right thing to do. And I worry that it would eventually build resentment.
I feel I try to do everything that's in the best interest of the kids, but because of certain things in the past and because this woman has a whole lot of negative energy for me (essentially blames me for her marriage ending), I feel as if I should be able to have one place (home) where I don't have to feel uncomfortable. I am trying to see both sides here, and I empathize with the difficulty of the situation for BF and the kids, but they aren't together anymore, and this is not her home and I don't feel she should just be able to waltz right in. Whenever we drop the kids off at her place and they ask me to go look at stuff in her house, I say no out of respect for her. I feel she should do the same.
I don't want BF to resent me for this, what is the right move here?
-in addition to SKs being able to FaceTime BM whenever from inside the house, which also feels violating....