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Shit really hit the fan (This is a vent post)

TiredStepMom92's picture

So it's emerged that SD(12, nearly 13) has been stealing her mother's bank cards and stole over $500, her good for nothing friends just go into her mother's house and stay there for as long as they want and they end up doing whatever they want, and bio mom does nothing about it. So I asked DH what he was going to do about the little shit bag, and he said nothing since it's not his problem. I've been trying to tell him that her shitty behaviour doesnt and wont stop at the door, just because she comes over here, and she just hasnt gained the confidence to attempt her bullshit over here. 

I do intend to try again and tell him that as he is legally responsible for her, her behaviour is in fact his problem and if he does nothing, that he and his ex are setting her up to fail as an adult. Now, in the same breath, her shitty bullshit has caused him to develop severe depression and on top of that, he has brain damage from his epilepsy which causes him to have hallucinations, during one of those hallucinations he became convinced that I didnt love him and wanted him to off himself.It took ALOT of effort to convince him that he had been hallucinating and none of it had happened. In the time he thought it was real, he began messaging other women and sent them nude photos. After i confronted him about, we established that he'd hallucinated and thought I didnt love him so looked elsewhere for attention. Now even though we've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years, people are telling me that IM the reason his previous marriage failed. We met in 2017, online, he told me that he was legally separated and I believed him. We met in person in 2019, whereby i discovered that he actually HADNT been separated and I packed my bags ready to leave. Then i discovered i was pregnant, and I made an appointment to get an abortion and to never come back. He ended up lying to and manipulating my family into forcing me to keep the baby, which I did. We've been in a relationship ever since, and got engaged last year, but lately people have been telling me that it's my fault that his marriage failed

JRI's picture

I'm glad you have a good place to vent, you have a lot going on.  Your DH, I'm concerned, he sounds like he has some medical and mental issues.  Has he had a thorough physical lately?

TiredStepMom92's picture

He's been reffered to a neurologist and a Psychologist. The pyschologist appointment will come first to rule out Schizophrenia, and if they do, then his hallucination problems can be narrowed down to his epilipsy 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Just curious, but which came first, your discovery of the nude photos he sent, or the story about the hallucinations? Because if you found the texts and the photos, and then he came up with the story about thinking you wanted him to kill himself so he had to look for another woman - I would really question the truth of that story. He lied to you about his marital status when you first met him, what makes you think he is telling you the truth now?

Are you sure this guy is worth it? It sounds like the only reason you stayed is because of family pressure when you got pregnant.

TiredStepMom92's picture

He told me about his hallucinations before I found out about the cheating. But I only have his word to go by that, that is the case and as you can tell, his word doesn't really mean much these days

Survivingstephell's picture

When SD gets arrested and sent to juvy, both parents will be required by the court to pay fees.  Do not marry him. Do not tie yourself up financially with him knowing your SD is a criminal.  As for you being responsible for the failure of his marriage, THEY  were respond for making it work, and he's a liar so..... you found a POS man and you'd be better of getting your ducks in a row, get a therapist and figure out how to be a successful single parent.  Your family sounds worthless too.  You have a tough road ahead of you.  Stick around.  
 

Have you seen medical documentation on his  brain damage?  You've established he's a liar so..... 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

OMG, lace up your Nikes and get the hell away from ALL of this! This man and his baggage are nothing but constant drama. Sure, it's easier to blame BM and his daughter for all the drama they create, but your SO is also a big part of the problem. It's an either or proposition - you can have a peaceful life, OR this sh!t magnet guy with all of his problems and bad behaviors.

Rags's picture

Reread your post and tell yourself what you would tell the person who posted this if you were not that person.

He lies and manipulates repeatedly, and you participate in the bullshit "he hallucinated" fantasy.

Get out now!  Take your child with you and do whatever possible legally to keep your child from that genetic shit show.

This crap is beyond belief. And you know it. Yet you keep buying the bullshit hook, line and sinker.

Why is that?

TiredStepMom92's picture

Only reason is because I left my life, my family and friends and came to NZ. The only family I have in NZ live on the other island at the opposite end, so Im isolated with no friends, no family and no support system. My only viable plan right now is putting aside money each week for my daughter and myself to have a cushion when the time comes

AgedOut's picture

if it's bad now, it won't be better in a year or two or five or ten or ever. is this, are these behaviors the ones you want your little one learning and mimicking?

simifan's picture

As someone who is 0-2 in marriage due to being cheated on, his actions are not your fault. Even if you went in eyes wide open, You made no promises to his ex. Moreover, he lied and manipulated you the same way he did his ex. You feel guilty because you are a good person.

You cannot understand that he is a cake eater because that is not in your nature. He needs/wants as much attention as possible from women. He will lie, cheat, steal to obtain it. He is not a good person. He is selfish & self- centered. He is messaging/sleeping with other women because he wants the attention they have to give. It has nothing to do with you. He will take all you are willing to give as well. Take a good look at chumplady.com. These type of men do not change. 

You deserve better. 

Someoneelse's picture

I'm not going to say that you ruined his marriage, seems that he did that. But you should honestly RUN FOR THE HILLS! Even if he has depression and epilepsy, he conned you into this marriage, and he conned you into keeping a baby that you didn't want... LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE