She is not his daughter...
Hello, new here. My live in boyfriend of 5 years has two small daughters whom I adore. I have an older daughter. His ex wife has a 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My boyfriend still wants to play father figure to this non-bio child and it's really starting to get to me. He was an active part of her life for around four years while they were married. They are now divorced and she is re-married. He still insists on playing supporter and father figure to this non bio child and it's starting to get to me because I don't understand the reasoning why.
whenever he gets his two daughters on an off weekend he gets this other child as well. Instead of the ex calling this non bio's real father she calls on my boyfriend. I don't know if this is because she is manipulative and uses my boyfriend or because my boyfriend feels guilty because he feels responsible for the failure of their marriage even though his ex cheated on him and left him for another man.
when we first met he claimed to have three daughters. This almost deterred me from talking to him at all.
He just seems to have this strange attachment to her and I'm not getting why. She has a real father who is active, a new step father who is active and my boyfriend who still insists on being active every chance he could get. I don't understand. When she is around I've noticed that he gives her more attention then his own two daughters. He has his computer passwords as her name and not his own two daughters. There are times he's walked by and patted her on the butt. There are times he'll walk by her and just give her a random kiss on the cheek. She has sat on his lap, etc. which doesn't seem right to me.
When we first started dating, he told me he was sad because he thought he was "losing" her and I saw a text that he sent to his ex wife the other day saying how much he missed this non bio child and wanted to spend more time with her. I also see random texts that he'll send to non bio child directly telling her how much he loves her and misses her.
I love his children but I'm finding it very difficult with this non bio child. Like I don't want her around. I don't feel comfortable when she is around. He lives with me and our apartment is small. It actually is just a two bedroom for my daughter and I but because I love him when he does have his children I make it work.
I just don't get the attachment to this non bio child and I'm wondering if I should be concerned. Like although I love his children I do find it hard to play step mom at times. Especially not being married. So when it comes to him wanting this other child around us I feel like why should I be responsible? why should he be responsible? She's not his child.
Why can't this non bio's mom call her real father to take her on the off weekends?
Is my boyfriend still in love with the ex and wants to look like a hero? Look good in their eyes? Does he have a weird obsession with this non bio child?
Finally, am I required to accommodate this child anymore? Especially when I don't want to and don't feel comfortable?
I'm trying to figure out a way to let him know how I feel. well, he knows that I'm not happy when this happens but he still continues to allow it. I want him to understand why I feel this way without him being upset.
Again, I'm just at a point where I don't want to have to accommodate this situation anymore and I want him to understand that if he wants to play father figure to this non bio child then he needs to find another place to stay with her because I'm not ok with it. His daughters I love so anytime but I cannot accept this non bio child.
I'm not being a mean person and I've stated some concerns above. Am I picking up on something I haven't pinpointed as of yet?
Any advice is much appreciated. I'm needing help on how to deal right now.
Thanks so much!
Even his sisters, my friends and family don't understand why he is the way he is with her.