Seeking advice about allowing biological Mom access to children!
So much backstory here. The just of it is that I blocked her from calling/texting me. She can actually still text me via iMessage but her children told her she can't, so when she has I just ignore it.
2 boys live in my home and visit her Thursday evenings and every other weekend. I am their primary caregiver as their Dad is our breadwinner and I am off for the summer caring for my newborn, their little brother whom they adore=) They are wonderful children.
She had a giant temper tantrum and threatened to call the police claiming I am "denying her access to her children" by blocking her from calling them on my phone. In reality, I just want to wash my hands of her and not have to deal with her. I feel as I have no obligation to her, and she is not my problem; she should have to contact her children through their father, who is at work and not with them during the day.
There is nothing written in their custody agreement about phone calls, communication, etc. and I feel like even if there was, it wouldn't be that she can call 17 times a day when we are pressed for time and wanting to speak with them for 1/2 hour about nothing. If she wants them so bad, then come and get them, and spend real time with them! I am stressed out caring for my newborn and could certainly use a break! She wouldn't even take them when I was giving birth, as to make our lives more difficult.
Am I legally obligated to let her call me at all hours of the day to speak to them on their fathers days because they are her children? I mean, what if I didn't even have a cell phone?!
So why not have DH offer her
So why not have DH offer her the reasonable suggestion of calling during set times. Example, she can call each evening once between 7-9 (or whatever works in your home time wise and DH is home with his phone). Perhaps also allowing the skids to phone her at your households convenience (meaning appropriate times, not during dinner hour, not just every time skids get upset over something and want to play parent against parent).
You, yourself never have to take BM's phone calls or texts. The fact that you are the one home during the day caregiving them is irreverent. You're not the parent and she's not your ex. She can't have you arrested because you blocked her on your personal phone. She could , though, make an a$$ of herself by calling the police and requesting a welfare check. Meaning the police (at least the first time or two she tries this) would come beat on your front door and inquire about the children and if everything is ok.
She could also file to modify the CO to include calling privileges. Just as your DH could use the court the solve this issue. He could request BM can only disrupt household on x and x day during x and x hours. The call length could also be included. But is the court fuss, time and expense really necessary (yes, sometimes it is and only BM/DH can decide if this is worth it to either of them)?
Wow, thank you all for the
Wow, thank you all for the prompt responses! I do hope she takes it to court to make herslf look even crazier. She claims that she has the right to contact whomever is caring for her children. I have set the precedent that she does not make any rules in my home, and will stand my ground.
When the boys are with us, they actually call her every night before bedtime, and that's absolutley fine. Also, if they ever asked me if they could call her, I would absolutley let them call her- that is a completley different situation.
I like the idea of having the court spell out calling privileges, actually. She harasses he and I at work and it stresses us both out.
Another question, anyone know how a court would view that she refuses to take them to sports on her one day she has them during the week? I am having to drag my baby over to her house, and then to practice, where their Dad meets us after work and then he takes them home. Making him not able to be home until 9 pm. It's only one day a week, so it's not too rough, but it's also the only one day a week we get to spend alone as a family of 3.
We do not have a house phone,
We do not have a house phone, no need for it. Wouldn't be a bad idea, though. I told her via email previously that maybe she should get the boys cell phones and that would solve all the problems! Although I can only imagine what she would stir up about that.
I agree, no way we are
I agree, no way we are getting a landline just to appease his ex wife.
In our state, there is a
In our state, there is a statue of limitations on justification for Protective orders. If she were to contest the order, I would have no physical evidence. I blocked her more than 30 days ago, so IDK why this is happening now.
That assessment of her is correct- I should have filed for a protective order when she emailed my boss, but DH pointed out to me that then she wouldn't be able to attend the sporting events, or school functions that I am at, and that might be hurtful to the boys.
"When your baby gets older you will spend your time driving him around to his activities, not your skids. Train BM now to do her part. How do you do that? You stop bailing her out now." This is eye opening, and truly something to consider. She doesn't want them to play sports, and DH and I do. He considers it "more time with the boys" and always takes the time to spend more of his precious time with his family- all of us, unfortunatley.
We are still adjusting to having a baby, so hopefully all of this will work itself out. Maybe that is the reason she is freaking out!
Forgot to mention that I am
Forgot to mention that I am 15 years younger than her, have my masters, and my baby is so beautiful and perfect that he was featured in a Similac commercial. DH always says its not her fault, she can't help but be jealous
Yes, they speak to her every
Yes, they speak to her every single night at 7:30 from their father's phone. That seems reasonable to me! She is not abusive or damaging, she is actually a good parent to them despite the fact that she sees them so little.
I never knew such a thing
I never knew such a thing existed! Looking into a no contact! Well, as soon as I get them fed, showered and in bed
It appears that there is no
It appears that there is no "no contact" order in MD- only peace and protective orders. The grounds for those are pretty serious, none of which have happened:
If you meet the relationship requirement (explained in Who can get a peace order?), you can file for a peace order if one or more of the following acts has happened within 30 days before you file for the order:
An act that causes serious bodily harm;
An act that places you in fear of immediate serious bodily harm;
Assault in any degree;
Attempted or actual rape or sexual offense; (go to MD Statutes, and read sections 3-303 through 3-308 for the definitions);
False imprisonment;
Harassment (read the defintion at MD Statutes section 3-803);
Stalking (read the definition at MD Statutes section 3-802);
Trespass;
Malicious destruction of property (read the definition at MD Statutes section 6-301).*
* MD Code Ann., Cts. & Jud. Proc. ยง 3-1503(a)
I jsut went through the same
I jsut went through the same thing. I blocked BM's calls/texts. She blew up DH's phone going crazy. She said she would call her lawyer. Either it was an empty threat or lawyer told her the court would give her MAX one phone a day and she would have to return the favor. DH works until 7/8pm 4 days a week & I have SD from 5:30 until then. It's 3 hours max (by the time he gets home on the latest days).
DH has her call her every night at bedtime. she still calls him during the day & he ignores it.
She gets SD all riled up & insane. She had SD throwing tamtrums at my in laws house when she visited because she ketp telling her "You can call me ANYTIMEEEEE day or night" & SD would use it as an excuse at bedtime. Even if they just got off the phone she would have a tantrum to call BM just to stay up later. BM loved this.
That shit don't fly at my house. She had 1 tantrum here, DH nipped it in the but & she hasn't had one since.
The kids don't ask to talk to
The kids don't ask to talk to her. They really don't even care, luckily. They are angels, I would really be going crazy if they had tantrums:)
Did Dad talk to Mom about the
Did Dad talk to Mom about the kids doing an activity on her time? If not? Then this is HIS problem. And neither of you should fault her for it. Not here, and certainly not to the kids.
Yes, of course they talked
Yes, of course they talked about it. He has to pay the registration fee ($175 for football, $200 equipment deposit) and she initially is on board. After a while, she is just "too tired" to stay out until 8pm at night, and one of us ends up picking up the slack so our $ isn't going to waste and my stepson is learning to stick with what he committed to.
As far as faulting her, that is def not the case. If you read a previous comment, I even stated that she is a good parent when she actually spends time with the boys. We don't talk badly about her, and my stepsons are smart enough to see through her bullshit. She is their mother, and they love her no matter what, as a son should love his mother. I don't discourage their relationship- I also said in a comment that she should come get them from me!