I never had a security anything so I don't get it. The extra trips are unnecessary if you ask me. 11 is time to start growing up.

I don't think its that unusual for the boy to want things that make him feel comfortable with him when he moves between houses. Even if he's 11. I was insistent upon items like that until 15, and would honestly still use them if I could. It's not a dependence thing, its a comfort thing.

However, the transportation of the items between the two households is causing an issue. Your SS is 11, so he's old enough to stop inconveniencing everyone. This is how it should work-

1) Stuffed animals must be transported to school and come with him at exchange, if the exchange point cannot be changed to an out of school location to accommodate the items. He just put them in a bag or a suitcase, nobody has to know what's in there. Maybe even leave it at the front office or in a closet somewhere.

Then add a choice-

1)Ss may pick out new replacement stuffed animals for your house, and leave them there.
2)Ss may choose half the items to leave at your house permanently, and if he needs more replacements they can be purchased for both houses.

There is a reason for a security items, but he doesn't need a caravan of stuff being transported back and forth by the grownups.

I don't think it's bad - at 11, he's probably just about ready to shed the toys. We talk about kids growing up so fast - he's not, and maybe that's not a bad thing.

He seems to be heading in the right direction if he's embarrassed about it. He's conscious what other kids would think. But you're enabling him, giving him a way to keep doing it in the closet, by chauffeuring the damn toys around! One way we late bloomers mature is by necessity - I finally stopped sucking my thumb when I didn't want others to see it at sleepovers. If you can get BM to agree, stop chauffeuring the toys. Tell him you're busy, the car is broken down, whatever you need to say to get out of that dynamic. I bet a million bucks he gets over it really fast if he has to take the toys via school. Don't tell him you won't do it anymore - tell him other things are in the way of you doing it for him. That way you aren't directly forcing it, which might make him cling tighter.

I'll just add that it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but enabling kids begins at an early age. Mom and son will both need to get out of that cycle before she's chauffeuring him to get his heroin fixes. Parents do it all the time and it's an outgrowth of early enabling. It's not a good pattern.

We had a talk about this sort of thing the other night at our house.

SS used to have this nasty 18x18 blanket covered in cigarette burn holes that GBM and BM swore he couldn't be with out. Sprung up out of the blue when he was 3 1/2. We never let him have it at our house. He didn't even act like it was a big deal. It never bothered him.

A few years later when he was about 5 they swore the same thing about this filthy stuffed dog. It was so disgusting that when it came out of the washer and was unrecognizable compared to what had went in. It was THAT dirty. SS never cared much for it so we asked them to stop sending it.

We figured that they just wanted something to make them feel like SS had to have "a piece of them" when he was with us.

Fast forward almost 5 years later. Skids live with us and have little contact with GBM and BM. Neither skid had ever had an emotional attachment to anything since the fabri puppy thing.

DD3 on the other hand... She was a blankie baby. She never had a pacifier or any other soother as an infant. She's slept with a special crocheted baby blanket that my stepmother made her since the day she was born. When she was a baby she dragged it around like Linus van Pelt off Charlie Brown. She'd even get upset if you washed it. She had NEVER slept with out that blankie. As she out grew it she adopted another, bigger, blanket from when she was a baby and started sleeping with both of them. She cuddles the blankie and covers up with the blanket every time she naps or goes to bed.

The other day was the first time she'd ever had to sleep with out them. The nanny LOST them. She had DD out and about while the other 3 children were at school and misplaced them. DD was inconsolable come bed time. We looked every where for them. I've never seen her so upset. We tried anything we could think of to calm her. Nothing worked and she cried herself to sleep with DH and I laying on either side of her.

We had never really thought much about the fact that she still had the blankets as a soother until they were gone. She only used them when she slept and is only 3 years old. Luckily they were recovered the next day at the nanny's parent's house. DD may very well be one of those children that carries them around when she's a preteen.

exMIL cut up exH's security blanket because he brought it everywhere and refused to leave it when starting kindergarten. He found a piece of the blanket would put it in his pocket and would rub it. I heard that story retold several times w/exMIL laughing but I really think it traumatized exH and turned him into the giant @$$ that he grew up to be. There are worse things that ss11 could be into. I would let the situation be and let the parents continue to deal w/it like they are. Time will remedy this issue...hopefully.

Another solution could be to alter drop off/pu times. Perhaps they could take place on a weekend so this isn't an issue.

Why not suggest to your SO that SS keep two of the stuffed animals at your place and two at his dads place? As for the blanket maybe she can have him pick out one for your house and the other to keep at home. This will cut down on all the back and forth and just have SO keep reminding SS "hey buddy you have these here so you don't have to worry about forgetting them."

My SD is 13 and still has a blankie. I hate that thing. it is huge, has holes and stains and stinks no matter how many times you wash it. She hauls that thing to school if she wants to bring it to our house. We started limiting to her bed only. She will lay there and sniff it. I think it is so weird but I was never attached to anything and neither was BS

My 11-year-old stepson has an old stuffed puppy that he holds up
to his mouth while he sucks his thumb. He is 11. And still sucks his thumb.

I had a blanket that I chewed on to go to sleep well past what was socially acceptable. But between my parents' ugly divorce and my mother's quick remarriage to an angry man, it was one of my few comforts. One day my stepdad decided to "break" me of my blanket and it became less of a need for my blanket and more of a power struggle with a man who wanted to rule the house no matter what. I think I would have moved past the need for babyish things way sooner if he had just left it alone.

I don't think it's abnormal necessarily. A friend of mine had a crazy looking doll that had nearly been loved to death that she kept with her until adulthood. Sadly, she left her bag in a taxi one day and the doll was in it, never to be seen again. Her boyfriend called the taxi company and begged them to find it, to no avail. The doll is famous amongst her friends - even those of us who never saw / met the doll - mostly because it was pretty scary looking, but also because she kept it - without shame - into adulthood.

I think that last part is the difference. If your SS feels embarrassed at the thought of his friends seeing his loveys then maybe it's time for him to retire them. Maybe your wife and his dad should have a talk with him about how they can still be kept, but don't need to be carted around - especially if he's not willing to do the carting. At 11, he should be old enough to understand and deal with that.

If the kids don’t really mind if the blanket or stuffed toy comes with them or not then it’s probably the ex making a subtle statement. This is MY child and he is only visiting your home. BM did that for years, sending blankets and pillows with teenagers. It was her way of putting a stamp of ownership on them or her way of stating that our blankets and pillows are not good enough for them. So one weekend I threw them out and the kids didn’t even notice. Now in this boys case it sounds like he truly does have them for comfort and you would feel sorry for him that he is embarrassed at school. He will probably grow out of it, give him another year or two maybe less. Some kids grow up slower than others. But the bio parents should encourage him to grow out of that, for his own sake.

If you can persuade your wife that the visits from her ex are disrupting the household, then you might be able to persuade her to meet her ex somewhere away from the house to exchange the blanket and toys.

Without getting your wife on board there is not much you can do until the child decides he does not need the toys and blanket. You could try just outright asking him when he is going to stop needing them. We asked my sd when she would stop needing a binkie to sleep with and she said when she was 6 (She was 5 at the time) so we kept reminding her and when she was 6 she was happy to give it up and was fine without it. Your SS might surprise you if you just ask him, or he might just say he doesn't know - there is not much to loose giving it a try though.

Let him have his comfort. There’s nothing wrong the child having items to sleep that gives him comfort.

Perhaps the items could get dropped off at the mother’s work place instead of at your home so you don’t have to deal with it.