SD's Wedding Invitations
SD came over tonight and showed me the wedding invitations....
They state the hosts are XXX & XXX XXXXX...in other words my DH and his ex wife. She never changed her name so they look like a couple. SD and her fiance are paying for the wedding and my DH and his ex have never uttered a word to each other about it, yet they're the hosts..?
SD claims that's how the invitations got printed and did her little 'teehee'.
I never said a word and never showed any anger to give her any ammunition to take back to her psycho mother. If so, her mother would be smiling like a chesire.
Am I making too much of this? I'm more hurt than I am mad I think...but is this being overthought? BM feels she and my DH are just the best of friends..and my DH is wanting his daughter to have anything she wants for this wedding.
I swear to God I wish I didn't have to go...I really do.
Thoughts?
As soon as I saw your post I
As soon as I saw your post I thought to myself what would I put on my own invites when we get married. My BF and I are paying for the wedding and not asking for help. If ii put my parents on it I would include my steppfather as him and my ma have been married for 15 years. BF's parents are divorced also, he has no contact with his father, but good relations with stepdad. Then there's my dads fiancee. I get along with her, but don't necessarily like her.. She's evil and fake to us kids. I think what your SD did was wrong, if you've been a part of her life she either should have included you or left the parents off, esp if they're not ppaying for it. I know this is prob hard to do. But don't let it get to you.. Who knows mebbe mom put her up to it, to get a reaction from you.. Go to the wedding, enjoy yourself and have free food and drinks on her dime. Don't let her see you sulk, have a smile and dance the night away!! That way she didn't win with her coniving to be underhandedly mean towards you..
Okay...thanks...lol..I just
Okay...thanks...lol..I just needed to air out how I felt. I actually cried about it for a short while, but feel better that I typed it out.
I really don't want to sit in a crowd of people watching my DH interact with the BM and her family..I know how she is and I know she will use it to her gain..and once AGAIN I will have to be the adult and not try to ruin my SD's day. So I will have to sit thru a few hours of silencing myself so I can be probably ignored and treated like the 2nd fiddle I truly have become to SD. I have been in her life for 2 years now and I know I'm not her mother and I don't expect to be treated as such.
But I guess I am not understanding why the names had to be put together as a couple.
Having the BM shoved down my throat all the time is exhausting. My DH is lucky in the fact that my ex has nothing to do with my daughter and doesn't have to interact with my ex..hell, I don't even want to interact with my ex. I can't stand the man for abandoning our daughter and I hate saying my DH is lucky - I feel like I'm hurting my daughter by saying she's lucky to not have her dad. And I truly don't mean it that way..sorry if it sounds that way too.
I just know that I deal with 2 women that if they could, they'd make me look like a huge nothing at all costs. And I have to sit right thru it like I don't remember how much these 2 women loath me..SD being the drama queen...and the BM acting like a proud mother...a proud mother who sells prescribed narcotics and robs gas stations.
I'm sorry for the rant..was just more hurt than I thought. And if I tell DH, then I look like I'm not the adult..ONCE MORE. And I'll look like I'm trying to throw eggs on his daughter's day. Who wants that on their head?
Aww.. Don't be sorry about
Aww.. Don't be sorry about venting and ranting. I've read this site for a lil bit before I signed up if there's one thing I've noticed is that this is a pretty safe place for ranting or venting and your wiith people that have been there.
Hugs and hearts from afar!!
I used to dread the day that
I used to dread the day that my adult SD gets married,but,i have to agree with Stepaside.Even now,if i am honest,the thought scares me death,but only because i know how much SD and BM loathe me,i am sure they would do everything within their power to let me know how much i am disliked,and for me,i am not very good at dealing with stuff like that,i find them very intimidating,BUT,having said that,i try to think about it from another angle.At the end of the day,if they want to act like spiteful,vicious little witches,they will only cheapen themselves by doing so,and,trust me,other people will notice,you,on the other hand,will handle it with dignity,grace and class which will speak voulmes about the difference between yourself,and them.
I know it's not the greatest of situations to be in,but,short of demanding that we not be so excluded (wouldn't they just love to see how much it hurts us!),there really isn't alot we can do,other than,protect ourselves,and if alot of it is being done with purpose and intent,the best thing we can do is to just rise above it with a big fat smile.
One other thing,that might be worth doing at the event itself,is,instead of surrendering and withdrawing from other guests(which i have thought i might end up doing because i might feel so intimidated),is to grab DH,and, 'arm in arm',work the room 'together',people will then know that not only are 'you' his wife/partner,but also,that,'actually',you are a very nice couple!!-In my mind,i would hope that for every passive aggressive blow from SD and BM,you could try and very discreetly,and smartly counteract this by using abit of good old fashioned charm.
Hugs xxx
Igh,Stepaside,..it sends
Igh,Stepaside,..it sends shivers up my spine reading your post because this is exactly how it is going to be for me when it happens.
Ok, so I have this
Ok, so I have this Ex-Etiquette for Weddings book and it says that when the parents of the bride or groom are divorced, the names of the divorced parents shouldn't be on one line so it should be:
Mrs. Ex-DH
and
Mr. DH
I know this would bother me
I know this would bother me as well. I'm sure when SSs get married, there will be no mention of me and it will probably look like DH and BM are a couple as well. Blah!
When I got married, my parents were divorced and I believe I put their names seprately so there would be no mistake that they were together anymore. I don't think I listed my stepdad on the invite but I did list him on the program with my mom under parents of the bride.
A couple of thoughts. First,
A couple of thoughts. First, as an adult, you don't have to subject yourself to uncomfortable or painful experiences voluntarily. I finally realized that for myself and it was so freeing, rather than feel like I have to pass another test by sticking something out. Is your DH insisting that you attend? If you must go, plan it like a campaign into enemy territory. Figure out your allies and put on all your weapons--beauty, charm, etc. Also remember that you have won the "war." You are DH's wife. Everyone knows that the marriage failed. You are evidence of that. So any efforts to deny that or put you down just make BM look like a delusional loser.
if you don't have to pay for
if you don't have to pay for it, who cares what's on the invite, i would be thrilled i wasn't being drained for it & disrespected. like lizziea says your evidence that 1st little ride around the marriage wheel FAILED for dh & bm!
if you feel obligated to go for dh's sake, then i think you should go HAPPILY..... there has to be some people attending that are on your side, make arrangements to hang with them...
i also agree, put on your weapons... go all out, not to outshine the bride... but do have your makeup done by a professional, fresh hair do, fresh mani-pedi, new dress and strappy sandals... do NOT forget the grace & charm...
i don't think i will be running into this issue with my sd ~~ maybe but i doubt it.... she may be knocked up by end of high school and hopefully shacking up with baby's daddy..... OR her lack of interest in boys may indicate a different preference.
either way, dh & i are NOT paying for shit!