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SD7 Blabs back to BM about everything we say

stepmom1989's picture

Example: The other day, my DH and SD7 went to Wal-Mart to get something for super. When they returned home an hour later from a 20 min trip. I asked DH what took him so long. SD popped off that they ran into her BM getting her nails done and even though SD seen her afew hours earlier, she just had to run over and say hello. *rolls eyes*.

So that pissed me off because here DH and SD are, obviously having a 30+ min convo with BM. DH claims he didn't say anything to her. Umm…aright, well why did it take you an hour to get something to eat for super then? Usually its a simple in and out. I wrote down what we needed. lasagna and garlic bread. WOW... that took you an hour?! And I know DH, he didn’t just stand there and say NOTHING, and I know BM... she had something to say to him that sparked the perfect opportunity because I wasn’t around.

So when I get upset about it and tell DH he is lying about not talking to her, SD is right there the whole time. DH blows up on me, yelling and screaming. I argue back like a dumb ass... Saying he don't need to be having conversations behind my back with the evil conniving s*ut (didn't say it quite like that). Then SD gets involved and takes all the blame saying "its my fault, I am the one that went up to her, I’me one who made them talk" and she started crying.

Whatever... I felt bad for making a big deal over SD and DH talking to BM, even though he don't need to be. Not because I don't exactly trust him, but that I know BM probably conned him into agreeing to SOMETHING (that I will find out later I'm sure).

So now they go to their mother's tonight through Sunday evening and I KNOW SD is going to open her mouth about the whole fight. Then BM is gonna text me and have something smart ass to say, probably like... "me and DH have every right to talk to each other weather you are there or not, get over it!" or maybe "I don't want DH, I've already had him =)" just something smart ass to put her on top yet again and make me out the jealous one. In no way am I jealous but every opportunity she gets, she makes it seem that way or that if she wanted DH back, she could snap her fingers and he would come crawling home. Pisses me off!

So what do I say to SD to make her forget to say anything to BM? Or do I claim I was talking about another women in the store and it has nothing to do with talking to her mom. I know, kinda childish but I dunno, I'm desperate haha! SD would probably believe it, shes pretty gullible!

stepmom1989's picture

Oh this hasn’t been the first time it has happened that he just "ran" into her. With SD or not. You wouldn't mind your DH and Skid's BM talking because im sure she isn't a sneaky little so in so that KNOWS how to con DH into things and has private convos when your not around, that you find out later and have no way of backing out of because DH already agreed! And my DH "says" he hates talking to BM but it seems like every time I turn around he is "running into her". Don't know how to say no to her, and she knows it, so she uses that to her advantage.
Plus that isn't the issue. I got upset because he claimed he didn't talk to her, he didn't say anything to her. Yet SD says they all talked for awhile. Then DH confesses. When he lies, it was obviously something he didn't want me to know about. Why?

bookishworm... yes, thats my DH. The SD I am talking about in this situation, is his.

Disneyfan's picture

He's a grown man. BM can't con him into doing anything. He's agreeing to do what she wants then making the CHOICE to keep it from you. He's the problem not her.

tweetybird74's picture

I believe you were in the wrong on this one as well. BM & DH have a child together SD. SD saw mom and wanted to say hi! I am not sure what is wrong with this. You state that you are not jealous but you complain that he had a conversation with BM behind your back? Like he is sneaking around or something. Unfortunatley DH and BM will have a connection for the rest of their lives because they have a child together and you do not need to be a part of all of their converstations together!

stepmom1989's picture

When the conversations involve me watching the kids while she gets her hair done, or botox or whatever her excuse is... Ya i do need to know about it. The last 3 times he has "ran into her" it involves us taking the kids. Us meaning me, because hes working. Then instead of just texting me or calling me and asking... She cons my DH into a corner that she needs an answer that very second and since for some unknown reason he cant say no unless im with him, he says yes. Then i hear nothing about it till BM is at my door to drop off the kids. Im sorry, but im not in the wrong on that.

Now... Since DH wont tell me what they talked about, ill be the last to know till its already upon me. Thats why it makes me upset when her and DH talk because i get kicked out of the decisions when im almost ALWAYS the one she needs to be asking because hes not the one that gets stuck watching the kids, i am.
Yes, i know its not just BM fault, its mosty DH. Hince the argument at home, hince SD hearing the whole thing bec DH had a fit when i caught him lying.

Orange County Ca's picture

The problem remains with your husband and please make sure you hash these things out when the girl isn't around.

As others have said this woman is in your life forever. Intensively at first and lesser and lesser after the girl is out of high school.

However Dad does need to realize your feelings and limit his contact and conversations to discussions about the child and I agree you need to be in the loop if you're expected to participate.

You can't control what the girl says when she goes home - don't even try - that will get mentioned also.