SD18 is always around
Forums:
how do you get a SD18 in college and working to get the hell out of house every now and then?
She sits on the couch with us every night watching TV on her phone. Like I can’t sit alone with my H and unwind anymore
the Girl is depressed and has major anxiety. She is seeing a therapist but not often enough. I’m so scared she will not thrive and continue to just be alone sitting on my couch!!!
I’ve encouraged to find clubs or activities through the college but nothing.
I'm sorry- this seems a
I'm sorry- this seems a common thing these days. It is typical of someone with depression and is very wearing on the family- when people are depressed everything is focused on them and they become unaware the impact their mood has on others. If she won't go out then why don't you do it? I'm not sayingyou should be forced out of your own home but maybe you and DH have a date night every week and have some together time outside the house?
Even a small amount of exercise can help with depression- so encourage her to get of the couch and move around a bit- do you have pets? Sometimes walking the dog is enough.
Failing this why not try making the lounge a place she really doesn't want to be? Maybe getting frisky with DH? Play some classical music or watch some vintage black and white films- be a bit creative about what will send her back out.
Forcing her to do things won't work- but a bit of gentle coercion may help!
Basically tell her to
Get a J O B. Tell her.she out of the house everyday looking for a job untill she finds one. Get her up at 7 out the door at 9 and tell her she out untill 1 looking for a job. College takes time,she can’t Start until September. Must be too late for February now., So job first and fill out College paperwork in Feb.
So, on the one hand, I feel
So, on the one hand, I feel for you, because it's hard to have someone move in your home and change all of your routines.
On the other hand, this is your husband's daughter. She's not some random foreign exchange student who was forced on you. And she seems to be a decent kid, from what you've said - polite and pleasant, and not a miserable, rotten mini-wife like many on this board describe their SD's to be.
So two things:
1. Build a relationship with this girl. She is your stepdaughter. Engage her in things you might both be interested in.
2. Sit down with your husband and discuss your feelings. HE needs to make clear any expectations that the two of you come up with in regard to jobs, chores, time she will live there, etc.
She's in community college, so her time there is what - 2 years? Can you talk to him about her living on campus after that, wherever she goes?
Have you discussed adult
Have you discussed adult children living in your home and how thay would look?
My advise would be to have that conversation. And make your points heard.
Maybe it is -
If child is an adult and living at home they must be in school full time and have a part time job.
If child is an adult and living at home and not in school they must have a full time job and Co tribute to the household by xyz...
If not a student child has x amount of time to save before having to move out.
Whatever it is you need to set an expectation. Then don't waiver from that. But you all need to be on the same page or it will just continue to escalate.
Maybe you and DH need to
Maybe you and DH need to change things up. I mean if all you do together is watch TV every night then you're becoming a boring stagnant couple. Part of the agreement with SD can be that she stays home and babysits your girls while the two of you go out. You could have alone time at a movie and dinner together away from all of your kids. Also she can watch TV in her room alone. Just tell her that it's you and DH's time to have the living room to yourselves. Ask around and see if there's anyone her age that can come over and take her out, even as friends or in a group.
Speak up, this is your home!