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SD16 not washing yet again!

lorlors's picture

SD16 yet again and for the millionth time has gotten up for school and got dressed without washing herself or having a shower. I should also mention that she is on her period. 

She has been told a billion times but still flagrantly decides to not do it. We have written her checklists to tick off and follow in the mornings- nothing works.

What would you do next?

lorlors's picture

talking to her, taking her to a counsellor, nothing works. I totally agree with you on the passive aggression. I think it is a manipulative power play. So sick of it. Honestly, it drives me bananas!!

SteppedOut's picture

Seriously?! What is the deal with kids - TEENS - not performing basic hygiene these days?! When I was a teen I wouldn't be caught outside the house without showering [and she is on her period even?!]. Gross at the stench as she walks by, I can only imagine! 

 

Nottakingit's picture

My sd17 (who thankfully lives 4 hours away) just had her older sister shave part of her head bc her hair was so knotted up from not brushing/showering. This is blamed on depression. None of my 3 sd's brush their teeth, either. Teens go through a normal phase of this, but it is short and not this severe. My sd's all have rotted teeth from refusing to go to the dentist and refusing to brush *even as adults*. 

lorlors's picture

No teeth brushing? They won't have any teeth left soon like meth/crack addicts. I just don't get not wanting to have a nice clean mouth and to smell nice!

StepUltimate's picture

Dude, my SS does not brush his teeth. He's still on his same tube of toothpaste from over a year ago (5/1/2017 to be precise) and is blessed with good looks & a big, bright smile. I spent 4 years reminding him to brush, but stopped that this past year. Since he's lived here I think he's had 9 csvities filled (6 the first visit), but still not brushing. 

lorlors's picture

You'd think the weekly trips to the dentist would teach him but apparently not!

SD16 harped on and on about her braces and gave us regular updates after mummykins took her to the orthodentist. I just sit there thinking 'what is even the point? So you have slightly straighter teeth but they will fall out anyway as you don't friggin' brush them!!!'

Cover1W's picture

This is SD14 too.  Her toothbrush and (little kid) toothpaste is in her dresser drawer.  She never brushes her teeth, even after many talks from the dentist.  My idea:  BM and DH never required her to do so when she was a kid, so she didn't get into the habit.

I tried long ago, but she screamed bloody murder that it 'took too long' and DH caved and told me no more.  REALLY?  OK then have fun with her in the future (this was when she was 9/10 yrs).  She also refused to bathe and I've never seen her voluntarily do laundry - don't get me started on the underwear issue (yes, and the stench).

However with SD12, she was 7 at the time and she discovered she liked having clean teeth - "It feels so good!"  Yes!  It does!  She used to only use friut toothpaste but now is using mint.  She is good at showeing and does her own laundry once a week. 

Maria10's picture

If she won't shower she will stink. Nothing will be worse for her than being laughed at by her peers in school for being stinky.(well maybe some things can be worse lol)

If you fear she will blame you to the school take pictures of the chart and other things you have done to ensure she washes. 

Maybe try to make the bathroom into a spa for a day with you and her pampering yourselves.( I know it probably is the furthest thing from what you would want...but it's an idea.)

Lol... My ss12 will ask to take baths.. Yup. . baths

lorlors's picture

You are so sweet Maria10 to think about a spa day. However, the reality is I can't stand the sight or smell of her now. It is sad as I always used to ask if she wanted to go and get her nails done etc. Now I don't bother.

SteppedOut's picture

But he would go to the bathroom right before and NOT USE TOILET PAPER. So gross, how does one get clean marinating in poo water? He would then come and dig in food with his fingers.....

So, I guess at least she is keeping her nastiness to herself?

stepmominhiding's picture

Eww, my sd is like that too, except she only changes her underwear when she showers,  so if she goes a week without bathing, it will be a week before she changes her underwear. 

I just refuse to tell her anymore. If she comes around me, i just leave. If she wants to come with me somewhere, i just tell her, no, you smell too bad. 

Gucci's picture

I really have no pearls of wisdom, just wanted to tell you I know how it feels (not to the same level, mind you). SS14 is gross. He will go and play baseball and then not shower. We live in Florida, FFS. His mother lets him shower in the morning ‘since he’s so tired after his game.’ He also doesn’t brush his teeth if he’s not at our house. I used to remind him, but I stopped. His mother can pay for the cavities since she enforces that type of lifestyle. She let him take half a 2 liter of Mountain Dew to bed the other night. His teeth are already discolored and fuzzy looking. I am still kinda embarrassed sometimes socially by him, but it’s getting easier. I work at the middle school he went to (just finished 8th grade and now he’s out, THANK GOD), and when the kids would tell me things about him, I’d just say ‘I’ve done all I can, and showed up to the SS party late.’ 

completely overwhelmed's picture

I have the same issue with my SD who will be 17. She won’t shower and doesn’t want to be wet. There’s been many, many awkward emails, phone calls and meetings at school over how badly she smells. My DH can’t bathe her since she’s old enough now that he’s afraid of being accused of being inappropriate. I’m not going to fight with her over it. Her classmates complain they can’t stand being near her and tease her but that doesn’t make her want to bathe. It’s gotten worse since one boy in her special ed class started picking on her about the stench. Rewards, punishments, nothing has worked.  It’s a sensory thing with her according to her therapists.

lorlors's picture

especially at that age. I wonder why she isn’t embarrassed about her classmates and people at school commenting on it? If I was her age and anyone had said I smelled bad it certainly wouldn’t have happened twice. Maybe I am looking at it all wrong but I see it as so selfish of them. Why do the rest of us have to be subject to the grossness?!

completely overwhelmed's picture

I can’t understand it either. She knows her classmates can’t concentrate in class due to her stench and she shrugs it off. She doesn’t like anything on her skin and his hypersensitive about water, soap, deodorant, anything.

I know there’s been several instances when she’d been forced to shower when hospitalized and she acts like it was some sort of huge trauma and being severely abused.

mugglemum's picture

My stepdaughter has always been earthy. She rarely showers and in the 13 years I've known her I've never once seen her brush her hair. She ties it on top of her head. At one point she didn't wear socks with her tennis shoes. The stink was unreal. Her mom asked my hubby to try and get through to her. He bought her Dr. Shoel's (sp?) shoe deodorizer. The last time she visited she brought the clothes on her back for 4 days. She took one shower in four days. She made some excuse that bathing daily is bad for you. Washes away all the antibodies. I did not see any luggage nor change of clothes so one pair of underwear the whole time.Yuck. My husband is mortified but says she's a grown adult and there's nothing he can do. She doesn't go to the dentist often and at the last dental visit she had 7 cavities. She was going overseas and told her dad they mostly use bidets rather than toilet paper. He said you're going to have to get used to that. She said I already am. We often run out of toilet paper and forget to buy it so I just spray off with the shower hose. My husband was so grossed out but didn't say a word. When she left I said remind me never to use the shower nor bathroom at her place. So sick!

lorlors's picture

in mainland Europe where there are bidets they definitely use toilet paper too. What a joke. It must be very difficult to cope with such a disgusting specimen. 

MoominMama's picture

Im in mainland europe and i dont have a bidet, nor do DH's family. They seem to be mostly in hotels. Yes indeed, toilet paper is most certainly used lol.

My Sd was a filthy one too. Also came up with pathetic excuses not to was. Also the 'showering/soap is bad for you' rubbish.

Of course you all know how our story went in the attempt to get her to clean up. I agree that they should be shamed but for us it lead to accusations of psychological and emotional abuse. Now i would just say 'fine, you carry on but dont come here until it changes'.

OP is in that awful time when the dirty skid still lives at home. Again i notice that counselling didnt work. I would definitely agree that this is a passive aggressive personality disorder and she is controlling the situation.