SD thinks BM is the best mom she could ask for
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I have to admit this is petty but it really burnt me up so I’m going to vent here....
BMs birthday just passed. Very quick recap SD11 lived with us full time for the last 6 years due to BMs drug use, BM came back around last summer and SD has been living with her for about 8 months now.
SD posted on fb a happy birthday to BM, the “best Mom she could ever ask for.” Ummmmm what?!?! She wasn’t even around for the majority of her life! Didn’t know her teachers name or her shoe size, never stepped foot in her school! Went months and months at a time without even speaking to her let alone seeing her!
I don’t know if this kid is brainwashed or if she’s living some kind of fantasy or what the deal is. What.the.hell.
She is living with her
She is living with her druggie mother full time?
Yup. BM came back around last
Yup. BM came back around last summer right after she had another baby and was supposedly clean. SD started spending time with her (BM lives with her mother) and before I knew it she was there all the time. She wants to stay there and DH and BM are both ok with it apparently (I fought DH about it for months but didn’t get anywhere).
Meh, what was she supposed to
Meh, what was she supposed to say?! “Happy Birthday to the worst mom ever.... you are a real disgrace!”.
I’m sure she loves her mom but knows her faults- by nature kids get protective over parents, even bad ones.
ESPECIALLY bad ones. And
ESPECIALLY bad ones. And especially bad ones that they fear losing (again).
She not embarassed, she's clinging to her mom out of fear that mom will take off on her again. It's traumatic to lose your mother.
tog, I think that is why she
tog, I think that is why she doesn't want to leave BM's. I believe she is afraid BM will disappear on her again if she isn't there with her since that is what has happened in the past.
Absolutely. It's terribly
Absolutely. It's terribly traumatic to have your mother abandon you. And human children are hardwired, like all animal babies, to cling to their parents for survival. The more damaged their attachment to that parent, the harder they cling.
On some level, she knows you and DH aren't going anywhere, but BM might.
I totally agree! And will add
I totally agree! And will add that she most likely feels responsible for her mom in a way- if mom is happy she won’t do drugs again, etc
This is more than likely
This is more than likely exactly why... what would stuck is if she took off WITH sd
Oh I know. She's always been
Oh I know. She's always been that way with her mom. Even when she was never around, she would always make excuses for her. It's sad actually. I just wanted to smack both of them when I read that.
I think this is like if you keep saying it
Often enough that you’ll believe it.
same for those parents whose kids are total arseholes and they sing them praises like they’re friggin amazing angels when reality is they’re little shits. But if you say they’re amazing often enough you’ll blind yourself into believing it...
Children, no matter the age,
Children, no matter the age, tend to do a lot of compartmentalization when they have an addict parent.
I agree with someone above.
I agree with someone above. She probably realizes and is ashamed. But she doesn't want the world to know it. For some reason people get it in their heads, that if a parent sucks, it shows poorly on them too. Most likely it was just for show.
It also could be some subconcious projecting. That's what she WANTS her mom to be, so she believes if she says it enough, that makes it true.
That could be. She's always
That could be. She's always had these ideas in her head about her mom. Her mom would go months without seeing her, then she would call and tell her some crazy story about how she's going to take her to Disney or somewhere and we knew it was never going to happen but SD believed her every single time. She's been telling her for YEARS she's going to get her own place (she lives with her mom) and SD will have her own room and bathroom, etc. She tells her how she's going to get these good jobs but it never happens. Just all kinds of stuff like that. I can't believe at SD's age she actually still falls for it but maybe it is just her wanting to believe.
I read something once that
I read something once that stuck with me, in regard to having insane parents: children are the first to realize it and the last to admit it. Makes sense.
That is very true!!
That is very true!!
My ODS 8.5 dad is worthless.
My ODS 8.5 dad is worthless. He hasn't even seen him in nearly 4 years (almost half his life) and he was never involved enough that he is actuall attached to him as a caregiver. Even with all that he says his dad is still a good guy and that he misses him. I'm pretty sure that even at his age he knows the truth, but it's too painful for him to admit it to himself and he isnt equipped to deal with it yet. If I had to guess I'd sayits probably similar for your SD and it's just how she is able to cope with it at this point.
Its so sad for the kids. I
Its so sad for the kids. I never dealt with these issues as a kid so its hard to imagine having such a shitty, uninvolved or drug addicted parent. It must be really hard to admit and deal with.
Consider taking her to Al
Consider taking her to Al Anon. She needs to hear that her mother's happiness is not her responsibility, and she can't control what happens to her.
Nothing keeping her fully
Nothing keeping her fully illuminated with the facts won't take care of. Of course don't adress it on FB. Just have a regular review of BM's druggie crap because you and her dad are concerned that BM stay the course on sobriety and setting a quality example for SD. SD needs to be fully informed in order to protect herself from BM's crap as SD progesses to adulthood.
Also, if I am not mistaken SD is too young to have an FB account. Call FB and report her and they will kill her account. Adults cannot creat an account for an underage user either.