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SD is REALY screwing with DH's emotions...

Someoneelse's picture

SD asked if she could start having visitations with DH again (after storming out saying she isn't coming back for a awhile) at the very begining of DH's extended summer visitation. DH said sure, I was hesitant, but I talked to my daughters about it and they said they were fine, but that they wouldn't likely talk to her, PERIOD.

well, DH got a text a few days ago from SD saying something came up, and she wouldn't be here this weekend. that something came up <insert eyeroll> I think she is nervous about showing her face around here. Which I don't mind her not coming, it's DD18's birthday party weekend, and I don't want any drama. Well, DD asked DH about SD coming this weekend (because she knows how much DH is missing SD, and how much he's hurting because of her) he told her she said something came up). DD  told me about their conversation, and she reiterated how she is so sad for DH, and that she is so mad that SD is doing this to him. That she doesn't see her as a sister anymore (she is the one that SD clung to because she saw her as someone strong and pwerful in the family, and it was her way of feeling like she had power, one of the main reasons I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder, I am not diagnosing, I am merely suggesting that she MAY have it)

fast forward to last night, DH told me about DD and his conversation. He took DD's asking as DD missing SD, and he was so happy, he REALLY wants us to be one big happy family again.... we never were, he just has this illusion that we were, and has an illusion that we can be. but unless SD comes in and apologizes (which has not happened since DH FORCED her to apologize to me 10 years ago), and she gets the help she needs, and she has a COMPLETELY personailty change, then, and only then could things possibly be a big happy family.

Dogmom1321's picture

Pure manipulation. 

SD11 is too. She tells her parents she wants to kill herself because DH won't let her decide which middle school to attend. She pulls the reverse psychology crap on DH all the time. "I know what you're going to say but..." "I know you will be mad at me if I tell you this but..." She totally guilt trips her Dad and manipulates EVERY situation. She is only interested in DH if he is buying her something. Once she gets what she wants, she drops him like a hot potato. It's so sad that she is only 11 and already acts this way.

Usually this type of behavior is reserved for middle aged women that use men. Constantly going in and out of relationships to "get what they want" and using their partners. I guess she is learning it from BM.  I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit if she acts like this as an adult. 

weightedworld's picture

"Usually this type of behavior is reserved for middle aged women that use men"

Actually... where do you think those middle aged women learn this type of behavior?  By the time they are middle aged women they got it down. 

There are all of those Memes out there regarding fathers and would they be alright with their own behaviors/actions if it was their daughter dating the same person... what about our daughters? 

Would we really be okay with our sons dating the daughters we are raising?!?!! 

 

advice.only2's picture

I would have corrected DH on that, DD feeling sorry for him has no bearing on her feelings for SD. He needs to be corrected when he tries to turn the narrative into "Everybody loves and misses SD." He needs to understand having empathy for him is not an extension of their feelings to SD.