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Sd is quite disturbing

Someoneelse's picture

Sd joined her school's wrestling team as a team manager (not reaaaaly sure what that entails, other than her not really being on the team). I jokingly teased her about wanting to see the boys in their uniform... and she said, "yes, one boy in particular"... this is disturbing to me. It reminds me of when my daughter was a swim coach and some boy made a joke (loud enough for her to hear) about her nipples poking out and he can see them through her suit..  she was mortified and brought it up to her boss, the boy was moved to a different schedule that she was not on, so she'd never see him again. I honestly think he should have been fired... but i honestly think sd should not be anywhere near the boys wrestling team... 

Maybe i shouldn't have joke about it, maybe that was wrong too, i just thought she'd say "eww gross, no"... but now that she said yes... now i feel like my joke was wrong, but sd actually doing that to see the boys in their uniforms... that's disturbing...

Survivingstephell's picture

So it's ok for boys to objectify girls but not the other way around?   Your SD is growing up and noticing the opposite sex. Time to explain what that means and how to cope with those feeling instead of clutching your pearls.  

Someoneelse's picture

It's absolutely NOT ok for anyone to objectify ANYONE. Also, SD is 17 and HAS been noticing boys since she was 12...  it's disturbing for anyone to want to see anyone's "bits" in their uniforms/ swimsuits. Could you imagine how disgusting that boy would feel if he knew that sd was only there to see his junk in the uniform?

Survivingstephell's picture

But YOU made the "joke" about seeing the boys in their uniforms knowing full well what they wear.   

Someoneelse's picture

Right, after her response i felt like i shouldn't have made that joke.  But the fact that she was serious about it, that was weird.  

I admit, i feel like i should not have made that joke. I wish i could have taken it back.  I honestly thought her response would have been a joke, or an "eww no" but her response was a real "yea, one boy in particular" not in a joking fashion, but in sincerity.

AgedOut's picture

Singlets... those uniforms are singlets and trust me, she isn't seeing anyone's bits and pieces in their singlets. When they're about to go on the mat they are down to singlets but the rest of the time, including practices they are in sweats or shorts and t-shirts. All she's seeing is how much work it takes to get to the top of your weight class and how disgustingly sweaty, smell and full of boogers a wrestler is. 

I really think her comment was in response to your's. I applaud her for being team manager, it's a smelly, sweaty, yucky job and she isn't just hanging with the wrestling dudes. The wrestling dudes are too busy to be hitting on chicks during practices, meets and tourneys. 


and yes, I was a wrestling mom for over ten years. 

advice.only2's picture

Right I used to have a class with a guy who was a wrestler, the day they were trying to make weight he would wear a "sweat" suit and suck on jolly ranchers and spit in a cup all day...not in the least bit attractive.

AgedOut's picture

I had two sons. 4 years apart. My oldest struggled to make weight his entire HS wrestling career. He ran laps, sucked and spit (sounds dirty but just disgusting) and even had to wrestle up a class when his love of fried foods took over his level of determination. He talked a good talk but never went far in rankings because he didn't put 100% on the mats. The littler one? he struggled in middle school to have anyone to wrestle because he was natually low in weight (middle school had no 60 lb wrestlers believe it or nnot so he wrestled girls or wrestled up about 10 lbs or more). He, however, had determination and some natural talent and we spent 5 years travelling from tourney to camp to club to mats, all year round. It paid off for him and he went to states twice at 98lbs.

But the wrestling world has zero glamour and the team manager gets to enjoy the spit, the smell (it was nasty...n-a-s-t-y), the attitudes and the boredom that comes with sitting for hours on a bleacher and eating concession stand food and being treated like a potted fern by the wrestlers.

la_dulce_vida's picture

In your original post, you did not say that the SD said she was there to "look at their junk" or "bits". You said your "joke" was that she was there to look at them in their uniforms. If the joke was more suggestive, that's on you and doesn't make her weird. I would be grossed out if an adult female was making jokes to a minor female about looking at the junk of minor males.

While you may have good reason to strongly dislike your SD, you seem utterly preoccupied by this young woman. This post in particular is very cringy, but I'm cringing more at how it seems you set your SD up to fit your narrative that she's disturbed. That is disturbing.

Someoneelse's picture

My joke was not indicating that, SD turned it into that by saying that she wanted to see what kinda package he had to offer and motioned and signalled to the nether region.... this boy is not anywhere near interested in sd.  That whole thing is in her head.  This is the same boy that her best friend was dating and broke up with and sd swooped in and wanted to hook up with him, but he rejected her and she went to tiktok and instagram to cry about her rejection.  But now is her chance to sneak a peek at his "package" 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Wrestlers wear cups so she's not going to see anything interesting. You set the joke up - I actually feel like you set her up.

Who cares? This is not a sign that she's disturbed. I do think your preoccupation with her is disturbing however.

I, for one, am thrilled when a movie shows full frontal male nudity (Spartacus anyone?) and I think it's wonderful that SD17 finds the male form (and all its bits) appealing. She's likely going to have a very fulfilling sex life in her future. Bravo.


notarelative's picture

SD is 17. Its age appropriate to be interested in boys. She likes one of the boys on the team. Totally age appropriate.
You made a joke. She joked back. Unless there was ,more to your joke and her reply, I don't see a problem.

Someoneelse's picture

Her response was not a joke though. She sincerely meant it. This is the same boy she went to a party to play spin the bottle with after he broke up with his girlfriend (sd's friend that she was only friends with to get to him) 

Rags's picture

someone they find attractive. Teens included. If the object of their affections aren't married, they are available IMHO.

Even when I was single man whore, if it had a ring on it, it was off limits.  Though I would certainly admire  beauty, ring or not.   I still do.

Though being married to the most incredible, beautiful, brilliant woman on the planet does not leave much time for admiring the beauty of others.  My bride has always made it a point to point out a beautiful woman, or man, that she notics... "Wow, that woman is incredible."  Or .... "Woof, that man is hot!"  I will upon occassion say to her "There you go my dear. A hot young man for your viewing pleasure."  Though I make it a point not to comment on a beautify woman.  She will tease me with "I saw that sideways glance!" or... "The view isn't as good in your rear view mirror is it."  


As for nipple obsessed young men.  When I owned restaurants I had to fire an assistant manager who made it a habit of assigning the braless young women to pull frozen product from the walk in freezers.  While I certainly noticed that a number of my college and high school aged female wait staff made it a habit of going braless on their shifts.  I did not take advantage of that choice on their part by sending them to the freezers. I let the sleeze ball go. In part over his nipple obsession.

Interestingly, the ladies were open about it in staff meetings, the tips where a whole lot better when they were braless Vs wearing a bra.  Austin Tx being an epicenter of college aged women, a significant % of my wait staff were from that demographic.

As an adult man, I lock my eyes on the eyes of the woman I am speaking with when there is  an active braless thing going.  I do not want them to be uncomfortable, nor do I want to be uncomfortable with the situation.

Not that I did not go through my own bral-ess appreciation stage as a teen and into my early 20s.  I certainly did. Many young men do.  The measure of a more mature man, at least on this topic, is recognizing that the comfort of the woman is paramount and far trumps the eye candy.  IMHO of course.



Someoneelse's picture

I think there is a difference though, the women who are purposefully wearing revealing clothing admit they are doing it with the intention of getting attention/better tips. whereas these young boys/my teenage daughter are supposed to wear these uniforms that are skin tight, they don't really have an option to wear baggier clothing, and they are not looking for that type of attention.

My joke was in bad taste... I do get that, especially after SD responded the way she did. I full heartedly didn't think she was ACTUALLY doing it for that reason. but after I found out that she was serious, and that this boy was the SAME boy she was hoping she'd hook up with at a party, after him and his GF (SD's ex bestie) broke up. NOW she's hoping to get a peak at his "junk" in his uniform.

AgedOut's picture

I think you're reading too much into her reply to your statement. She can look for his junk all she wants but in the wrestling world, she won't see much. When they're stripped down to singlets they're either warming up pre-match, on the mat, or w/ their coaches/teammates after their match and back in their sweats.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Indeed. And my brother wrestled. Most people recognize that the sport of wrestling, while a very challenging and demanding sport, can be a bit homoerotic in some eyes. Two sweaty mens (Men on film - lol) writhing around on the floor in compromising positions, etc. Not the kind of thing that usually gets a teen girl all fired up - unless she's wishing she was the one getting pinned. LOL

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I don't understand why you are upset. You joked that she just wanted to see the boys in their uniforms and she agreed with you and indicated she was interested in one boy in particular. She is 17, of course she is intersested in seeing boys in their uniforms! A young girl might have responded, "ew, gross" - but if a 17 year old responded that way I would think it odd.

Someoneelse's picture

My joke was in bad taste... I think I didn't realize it until after SD's response... but her response was out of sincerity... and this is the same boy who she was looking to hook up with at a party, he used to be her ex besties boyfriend. she was only friends with this girl to get close to this boy, as soon as he became "available" she's been trying to hook up with him. even though I made that joke, I believe that oogling people private areas (male or female) without consent is innapropriate for anyone of any age. If someone dressed a certain way with full intention to get oogled, that's one thing. but people who don't really have a choice but to dress in tight clothing (swim suits, wrestling uniforms, etc) who have no interest in getting oogled, is creepy to work yourself onto the team with only intentions IS to get a peek at their "junk" in a uniform. Which if ANYONE did that it WOULD be gross... so yes, the "eewww gross" would be an appropriate response to my "joke"

Winterglow's picture

What makes you think that she wants to ogle his genitals? When I was that age (and I had experimented quite alot), I was way more interested in muscular arms and broad shoulders ... Sheesh, she just wants to be around him, that's all. She's 17 for goodness sake, interest in boys is pretty typical.

AgedOut's picture

the only time, in my many many way too many, years as a wrestling Mom and member of the Wrestling Boosters that anyone saw anyone's junk was one of the boys who wrestled commando under his singlet, forgot he was in view of the Mom brigade and went to strip off his singlet after he was out of the tourney and a chorus of Moms yelled "Noooooo" 



Someoneelse's picture

Yes! Her exact words were "yea,  a certain someone, i want to see the package he offers"

Winterglow's picture

And, for you, "package" can only mean his genitals? It couldn't possibly mean that she just wants a good look at his hot bod?

AgedOut's picture

if you'd have said it to teenaged me I'd have probably said "yeah, I'd like to see him in his singlet" or "he can pin me any time"  or something similar. Please make sure it's not your dislike of her turning everything she says into something bad.  



Winterglow's picture

So why didn't you say this in your original post... It makes you look as if you're making it up as you go along. I still don't get why this is disturbing... 

Ispofacto's picture

She's 17, right?


I remember being 17.  I was certainly not interesed in packages, but it sounds like a snappy comeback I'd make to someone who overstepped.

You got trolled by sarcasm.


advice.only2's picture

I think you mistitle SD being a normal teenage girl with “being disturbing”.    You made a joke she responded, you didn’t like her response so decided to vilify her as being some sort of creeper staring from the sideline ogling the boys while they wrestle.  Reality is there is probably somebody in the stands who is an adult watching this who is more a creepy perv than your SD. 

ESMOD's picture

I'm also going to be team SD on this one.

You made a joke about her just wanting to see boys in small uniforms.  When she said "one in particular".. her response doesn't indicate to me that she has her eyes out for the beans and frank.. she was saying she has an INTEREST in one of the boys in particular.. and obviously she probably has an attraction for him in pretty much any outfit he wears.. from bundled up in sweats to wearing a swim suit.  It's not creepy to be physically attracted to someone.

I doubt her interest in being in that position is so that she could see boys in their literall underwear.. she is doing it because she is interested in this boy.. and sees it as a way to spend more time in his orbit..  She isn't making comments about him "filling out" his singlet or anything of the sort.. she isn't comenting on his bits and pieces.. shoot.. seeing him in his uniform might be attractive because she sees his broad shoulders.. or muscular arms.. and it's not creepy for a 17 yo girl to think a 17 yo boy is attractive.

It would be creepy to sit in the corner making comments about guesses of their "girth".. but that's not what she appears to be doing.. at all.  

She wasn't even the one that brought up the fact that she might have an ulterior motive.. you were.. your mind was in the gutter.. and took her response that tells you nothing more than she has a crush on one of the team.. that she is lusting after their stinky drawers. 

Now.. there is something to be said for not "chasing" your crush.. and sometimes the girls that seem more available are less desired by the boys. no challenge.. but that's not saying that her interest in him is wrong.  You just seem to be seeing it through your own lens

AlmostGone834's picture

I think one reason you might find it disturbing is that it's your SD, and you are "closer" to her than any of us on here. To us , she's just some normal random teenage girl but you get the EWW factor because you see all the ... less than desirable... traits. Then, thinking of her... thinking of boys in that way... it's just like yuck.

When Little Idiot lived with us I would never bring up the subject of boys, dating etc with her. In fact she was often the one who tried to talk to ME about her numerous crushes while I was making dinner. I would just be standing there, back turned, cutting up vegetables thinking please stop, please stop talking about this. (Eventually she got the hint) In fact, I hardly ever joked with her and the few times I did, I usually regretted it because the reaction I expected is not the one I got. 

justmakingthebest's picture

It sounds normal to me. I can't tell you how many times I have gone to a movie to see particular actors because they are delicious! I didn't go see Auqaman for the acting! Yes, I objectify Jason Momoa. 

A 17 yr old saying that she likes to see a guy in his tight uniform- yep, I get that. I think the problem would be if she was public and loud about it and make him or other team members feel uncomfortable. Telling you in the privacy of her home, makes sense. It was good that she felt comfortable enough to joke back with you. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Does prudish mean wanting to see male genitals is scary or disturbing?

Count me as disturbed!

Someoneelse's picture

I'm not a prude, i just think that if someone is WANTING to be sexualized, cool sexualize them, but if they are just trying to play a sport or do their job, leave them alone... 


You sound like someone who defends rapists saying "boys will be boys"

DPW's picture

"You sound like someone who defends rapists saying "boys will be boys""

Really, now? That's pretty extreme, don't you think?

We are all s*xual beings naturally. At our core, we are animals and programmed accordingly. There is nothing wrong with SD, at age 17, interested in a boy and his goods regardless of what he is wearing or not wearing, doing or not doing. I check out men, even when they don't want to be "s*xualized" by my eyes.... am I a monster? My SO checks out other women, does not bother me. People check out others, conciously and unconciously, at all times. It's part of our nature, our s*xual nature, looking for someone to breed with, marry, etc... If we left each other alone in our "I don't want to be sexualized times", there'd be a lot of single people in the world. 

Someoneelse's picture

I don't think that it is an exaggeration... my problem with sd's situation is that she put herself in a position to sexual this boy that has not consented to it... you see no problem with nonconsent... my problem is not with her sexualizing body parts... it's the lack of consent, and the fact that she's obsessed with this boy, was only friends with her "bestie" last year to get closed to this boy, was hoping to hook up with him at a party when her "bestie" and him broke up just before hand. If she was sexualizing a guy who was consenting,sure, 100% that is consensual and appropriate 

But since you don't care about consent, i think my comment was accurate 

2Tired4Drama's picture, TBH.  You are spending WAAAAY too much time ruminating over a comment your 17-year-old SD made and it doesn't seem mentally healthy.  SD is 17, not 7.  She makes a single comment with a slight undertone (prompted/teased out by you, BTW) and you wrongly ascribe her comment and decry that she "should not be anywhere around the team." 

News flash: Teenagers are sexual beings. They have sexual thoughts and many of them are sexually active. If you want to be truly disturbed, imagine your SD was bringing home a baby for you and DH to raise. BTW, there are many places in the U.S. which will allow a 17-year-old to be legally married and emancipated.  Yet you think your SD is some kind of disturbed person?

Your obsession with a teen girl's casual comment about a boy and the way you have spun this into something indefensible (with you adding questionable details to bolster your position when you've been challenged) is disturbing and way out of the norm.  Perhaps you have something in your own past which has triggered you, or perhaps that is why you are overly obsessed with SD for some reason. You may want to speak to a professional about that. 

Someoneelse's picture

I do realize that sd is 17 and most 17yos are active (my daughters were active at 17. That's not my issue, my issue is that she's literally purposely putting herself in a place where she is nonconsensually sexuality this boy, the same boy she was trying to "swoop up" at a party after her "best friend"and him broke up the week before. This boy is not interested in sd and not looking to be sexualized. If sd wanted to sexualizev someone who was WANTING to be sexualized, then that would be different. If she was oogling a guy in a magazine that was meant to ve secy, sure. 


I agree if my man was looking at a woman who was WANTING to be sexualized (dressed provocatively in a magazine, was in playboy/porn) sure. But I'd be upset with him for oogling a woman at the grocery store who was just minding her own business. It's all about consent, THAT is my issue... has nothing to do with her being "of age", it has more to do with the lack if consent.  If you are part of the population that doesn't agree that consent important, then i guess that has more to do with you being a crappy person. 

DPW's picture

Consent? You are not making any sense. Are we supposed to walk around with a sign that says "I do not  consent to you checking me out" while I walk around the grocery store? You don't sexually assault someone with your eyes so you don't need consent to LOOK at someone, even look at their PACKAGES or BOOBS. OMG! Honestly, the more you write, the more I find this to be so ridiculous.... lol. The only possibility to you continuing to support your initial post is stubborness of your position, not logic of your position. 

Someoneelse's picture

If I'm at the grocery store and someone is literally just oogling my boobs, id feel creeped out and get gross vibes.  If i found out they ONLY went to the grocery store to stare at my boobs, i'd find it even more disturbing. If someone was casually waning around and noticed my boobs, that's normal, but going out of your way to go to the store with only intention to OOGLE my boobs is a whole different story. 

DPW's picture

I highly doubt your SD is going to stare at this kids' crotch endlessly, drooling, unable to function due to the glory of it, for pete's sake. 

You should make a sign then because guess what? People check out your boobs probably all the time. Even women. In fact, I've read a couple of studies that show that women check out other women moreso than men check out women. 

Winterglow's picture

Consent is about actions not thoughts. You don't need consent to fantasize - what goes on in her mind is her business and nobody else's (I can't imagine having to ask people if it's OK to daydream about them - seems like an effective way to become the local creep/weirdo to me). She has a crush on the guy - so what? Has she groped him? Tried to force herself upon him? Tried to kiss him? Stalked him? No. She just fancies the guy.

2Tired4Drama's picture

"I jokingly teased her about wanting to see the boys in their uniform..."  

Someone, I mean this kindly ... if you really believe all that you have written above (and in your previous posts) I suggest you may have a fixation with your 17 year old SD. 

As just about everyone else on here has posted, the most disturbing part is that much of your fixation is on SD's alleged sexual behaviors and thoughts. This is something you should really discuss with a professional.