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Sd is now forcing a a connection with dd17s boyfriend

Someoneelse's picture

While she was her this last week and a half she started talking to DDs boyfriend when he was over (which is basically everyday). She insisted on being joint at the hip with dd and her boyfriend.  Well, dd left to go pick some boba up for everyone, and sd told her to leave boyfriend here... SD FORCED DDs boyfriend to do a tiktok dance with her.  He said no SEVERAL times, she insisted that she wouldn't post it, she kept heading at his arms teething him to come on, it will just take like 30 seconds, he OBVIOUSLY didn't want to do it, but he gave in... anytime dd wanted to go out to target with her boyfriend, or the mall, or to get boba, as inserted herself... she convinced him to follow her on snap chat, then added him to her PRIVATE story, and took dd of her PRIVATE story... then sent out a "bet you can't find my secret tiktok" challenge, and he found it (he told dd about all of this so it's not like she doesn't know, and she encourages him to have some kind of friendship with her so that he feels like part of the ENTIRE family), but now dd is feeling some sort of way about it because she's been removed from her private stuff....

 

Dd and i BOTH are this sounds EXACTLY like what she did with her ex friend and her ex friend's boyfriend.  Dd isn't worried about her boyfriend cheating on her with sd, he's into athletic girls and sd is DEFINITELY not athletic... she just doesn't like sd's intentions. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

SD is obviously trying to insert herself and damage the relationship between your DD and her boyfriend.  Your DH needs to take her aside and tell her that her antics are pretty obvious and she needs to stop as it's damaging and unhealthy behavior.  I believe you mentioned your DH was told SD needs to have a psych eval, and now would be the time for him to bring it up with her. 

You need to sit down and tell your DD that she is to be commended for trying to include SD and treat her "like family" but the fact of the matter is she isn't. I would advise DD to keep her distance since SD is clearly trying to sabotage her relationship with her boyfriend. Doesn't matter whether the boyfriend finds her "his type" or not.  SD has inserted herself in an unhealthy way.  Naturally, your DD's gut is telling her it's wrong ... because it is. 

This may be a learning experience for your DD to realize that having a healthy relationship means communicating with your partner, which is why you may want to encourage her to talk about her feelings with her boyfriend.  If she tells him that she is concerned and unhappy about SD's actions, he should respect DD's feelings and delete SD from his Tiktok and all other social media.

 

Someoneelse's picture

GREAT advice, thank you! most of this has already been communicated with DD,  when she first told me about the way she feels about SD, I agreed that it was weird and not right... I told her I know she's trying to be nice to SD but she needs to tell her that her behavior IS weird,  could be in a nonchalant fashion if that was easier (SD would make comments about how "oh, me and your boyfriend are talking SO much right now" (repeated 3 times) and she showed DD their "conversation", it was literally 2 or three messages that consisted of literal small talk... and when DD expressed no real concern, then SD said, "oh, and well, he 'slid up' on like 3 of my stories", and DD explained to me that she was there when he did, she was showing him her instagram account, so of course he was looking at her posts.

It's not so much the interactions that are happening that bother DD, it's SD's obssession over it that REALLY creeps her out. But yes, DD has expressed to her boyfriend that SD's reactions to his slight attention really makes her uncomfortable, and he agrees, it is uncomfortable for him too.

SteppedOut's picture

When I was in HS people like your SD were called a "skank". 

What a snake. Your dh should definitely talk to her about this behavior... but if he is blind to her bs he will try to gaslight you that this is normal and she is just "trying to make friends".

Someoneelse's picture

DH is blind to her behavior... he always tells everyone that DD says "this" or does "that" to try to impress them, or to make friends, she's just "bad at it"

Winterglow's picture

Please  tell your daughter that when SD tries to solder herself to her couple that she's perfectly within her rights to tell her to bugger off.

As for telling your DD to leave her bf at home - she doesn't have to comply, in fact, the order was a perfect reason not to comply.

Someoneelse's picture

I AGREE! She's used to leaving him here, as he gets along with EVERYONE at the house, and he'll sit and talk to everyone for hours. And she was being friendly with SD at the time...

Before SD came DD agreed with me that SD is a narcissist, but when SD came, she manipulated DD into thinking that she wasn't, and that I was just super hard on SD, but by the end of it, DD remembered why she believed that SD was a narcissist... all the lies, manipulation, gaslighting. I told DD, it's fine to be nice (because DD is a nice person, and has trouble ignore people), but to just not TRUST her and to take EVERYTHING she says with a grain of salt.

stepmomnorth's picture

It's obvious she is trying to move in and to cut DD out, and to cause jealousy. I agree with the comments for everyone to tell her to bugger off next time she tries this nonsense

If I were DD at that age I probably would have tried to embarrass her by telling her to get her own boyfriend lol 

Someoneelse's picture

the sad thing is is that NOBODY wants SD, so many times she has tried to swoop in on people's boyfriends and exes... it's really quite embarrassing on it's own. DD's boyfriend said that he's actually quite creeped out about SD. OH and apparently she has a picture of him in her wallet and called him her "bodyguard".

I agree with everyone that DD should cut SD off, and I thought she was, but when SD got here, she didn't... and told me that I was wrong about SD being a narcissist... but now after the week and a half, she remembers everything about SD, her gaslighting, her lies, her manipulation, how CLINGY she is, how she tries to swoop in on any boys that she thinks are cute, whether they are taken or not, even if they are taken by family or friends.

Survivingstephell's picture

Went through  this in my house.  It's not good.  The best person to put a stop to it is boyfriend.  Why? He can be blunt with SD.  and tell her she doesn't have a chance, his heart and loyalty belongs to DD.  Daddy can then pick up the pieces of her broken heart.  You aren't BF's parents so you can't offer any discipline to him.   

Someoneelse's picture

I agree with this... luckily for dd and bf, they are going off to college in 2 weeks, and sd won't be an issue any more after that. Since sd's obsessive behavior, bf and dd have put a bit of space between them and sd, but yesterday morning they were both laughing at sd's private snap chat stories taking about how all the older men are asking her how old she was in this cruise she's on right now with dh... i think she's reading it wrong... SD looks like a large 13yo who's TRYING to look over than she is. She is wearing these giant white crocs with a bright yellow floral tank top style swim suit reading a book WHILE making a video of herself "reading" the book. She has very long scraggly hair that she never brushes, and yellow teeth that she also never brushes. She makes faces that you'd imagine a 8yo would make.  And she lisps and drools ...  she's a mess that NOBODY could possibly be interested in (hence her never having anyone ask her out no matter HOW hard she throws herself at them.