SD makes contact after over 7 months
Hope all is well in step land( is it really ever going well? Haha). So.... SD has responded to my MIL after over 7 months of being estranged. She just said "Hi grandma, I'm still not ready to talk I'm taking baby steps." DH now knows but doesn't seemed to phased he thinks she will get over it and she is just going through a rough phase right now. The thought of her coming back makes my skin crawl. This time with her gone has made me realize how much I dislike her.
I let husband know that if she does come back I will not let her be disrespectful to me anymore and I will tell her off. I had pretty much disengaged before she left but I informed his that I will not be picking her up or watching her. If he has to run errands or work he must take her with him or find a babysitter. I also told him if she starts playing this in and out of our lives game I will leave. We literally packed up her room yesterday because we needed the space and today she decides to finally answer someone in the family.
I know this may come off evil and step monster-ish but I really don't want her back in my life. From all the disgusting, disturbing things she does to her nasty behavior and blatant disrespect. I honestly don't even want her around my daughter after all this.
He can see her outside of
He can see her outside of your home. That's a reasonable boundary for this situation and a popular solution around here. Home is a sanctuary and all effort should be taken to keep it that way. Use COVID as a reason if need be. She can earn her way back in eventually with an authentic apology and true amends made. Forgiveness should never be demanded from either of them, no excuses for bad behavior or rugswerping. You might chose to forgive but that doesn't mean you forget it either. That's far far down the road, for now, he sees her away from the house. That's where he starts. It's all on him.
Is the still texting her? If
Is the still texting her? If that was all I got after seven months, then I would just stop. All of this because he will not go play happy family with her and BM?
All this because we had a
All this because we had a daughter when SD was expecting us to have a boy and because my husband refused to start making family time for BM and SD. My husband sends out an occasional text to SD to let her know he loves her but he isn't begging. It's my MIL who has inserted herself into the equation now. She demanded DH give her SD's new number so she can talk to her and try to fix her. The whole reason BM changed SD's number was because SD got mad that my MIL texted her on her birthday a few months back.
Now, my MIL is basically groveling to SD telling her all these things that really aren't true just to get SD to grace us with her presence again. She told SD that we are all waiting for her to come back and understand why she cut us off (total bullsh*t). Begging her "babygirl" to come back to us.She is also trying to bribe SD with solo vacations and shopping sprees. My MIL is basically telling SD she had her reasons and it was okay that she treated us all like garbage, lied and called the cops on her dad, and completely cut everyone off.
Keep MIL at a distance and
Keep MIL at a distance and don't let her interfere!
Yeah, nothing good will come
Yeah, nothing good will come from this MIL inserting herself into this clusterfk. Another variable in an already unstable situation. She can see SD when SD and DH sort themselves out if that ever happens. But the last thing you or your DH is MIL texting god knows what in the background and have SD latch onto that as a convenient excuse to lash out at DH.
All this is NOT because you
All this is NOT because you had a daughter when SD was expecting another boy. Blame it on crazy BM whispering in her ear, blame it on DH catering to her whims, but you're not to blame for having a girl child especially when it's not even her first half sibling from your side or her only half sister.
I don't blame you for not
I don't blame you for not wanting her to come back, with all the stress and drama she represents. Let MIL do what she wants, just make sure your DH's spine is intact so if SD contacts him, he doesn't start caving to her demands and begging her like MIL does. The only way this will work is if DH keeps up the boundaries with BM and SD.
Baby steps
Just as Christmas is only a couple months away?
Assuming you celebrate the holidays, my vote is she will take baby steps that allow her just enough to walk up to any presents she may be getting - even if you and DH don't go hog wild, MIL sounds like the type to want to buy back the 'love'. After Dec 26 or so (ie presents have been given) she will flee right back in the direction from which she came because it's just too soon to have a relationship.
But maybe I've grown cynical.
That was my initial thought
That was my initial thought at first. However, she got loads of presents for her birthday that were exchanged in a parking lot with BM. No thank you from either of them just a text several days later from BM saying how one of the giftcards was to the wrong store. SD didn't have to even put effort into being fake nice she just got her gifts delivered. My husband couldn't even go drop them at her grandma's house because SD wouldn't allow it.
But she still got presents
Maybe she's thinking if she gets involved just enough, you'll get her gift cards to the correct store?
Why was she being rewarded
Why was she being rewarded for shite behavior with presents?!? Really unbelievable.
My DH is an idiot and thought
My DH is an idiot and thought that would show her that he still cared. He now sees what a huge mistake it was and how she didn't deserve anything. DH said if she isn't back by Christmas he will mail her card but no money or gifts. My MIL is already buying loads of giftcards for SD for Christmas to make her feel "special".
Drop the rope on that one.
Drop the rope on that one. Damn!
I was going to say the samething..why did she get presents
DH took a hard line with GWR...you don't acknowlege us and come etc...NO PRESENTS. Nada...and we wouldn't deliver any presents from Grandma either.
No contact...IS JUST THAT NO CONTACT. That goes both ways and includes presents.
GWR loses out because we have more money than the Beaver clan...and buy presents the kids want not just presents the Beaver wants...oh I mean that she wants the kids to have.