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SD Hand Me Downs - Annoyed

steplife's picture

I recently got rid of a bunch of SD7s old clothes and toys. Major cleanout. DH was bugged that "We could use those for our kids someday"....Ummm sorry but as a first time mother, I think I should get to enjoy getting new things for my child. That may seem superficial, but I don't want to have to reuse SD's old crap for my kid (which is 8yo by that time). I'm sure if I have more than one kid eventually some things will be handed down, but I want NEW stuff, as a NEW mom, for my NEW baby someday!

ksmom14's picture

I'm the same way! I am totally going to want new things when DH and I have our own. My youngest skid is 9 so we don't really have anything young enough to keep, but I'm with you on this one!

Also, DH and I need to add onto our house before we have a baby (we have a 3 bedroom and 3 kids so SS12 gets his own room and SD9 & SD11 share), we're planning on adding two more bedrooms and a bathroom. Well DH has commented that since the baby will be in our room for a while after (s)he is born we could wait to do the addition a bit. I was like, oh hell no! This will be MY first child and I want do all the nesting and decorating and shopping while I'm pregnant, and I want to be able to get the room together and paint it and have a cute adorable baby room BEFORE the baby comes out, even if (s)he won't even use said room for a while.

Teas83's picture

I kept some of SD6's old clothes for DD16-months. I only kept the ones that were in good shape and I only plan on using them to send DD to daycare in, since they'll get stained and stuff. I bought her all new clothes for everything outside of daycare.

I totally understand how you feel. I don't really want DD wearing clothes that BM picked out for SD. It's nice to start fresh with your own kids.

kathc's picture

There's nothing wrong with you wanting new things for your first child.

If SD has anything that you would like to keep then go ahead. If not, don't.

Plus, it's not like you already have a DD to pass things on to. What if you have a DS?

QueenBeau's picture

DH doesn't understand this either. SD has hand me down furniture in her room at our house. It's really nice furniture, but used. She is only here EOWE, some holidays & the summer. I thrift a lot of things, including our bedroom set too so not a big deal.

When I got pregnant DH told me he found a friend with a dresser for sale for the baby. I was like nope, sorry - baby gets brand new furniture. He looked at me like I was crazy & said but SD has hand me down furniture. Yes, well you & BM had SD & you were both broke & stupid. & when we got married she didn't have any furniture at all, so hand me down stuff was an upgrade. We planned and saved for this baby, & he will have all new stuff.

Disneyfan's picture

A few months ago a SM posted about her adult SD not wanting or appreciating a used crib SM purchased for her. Most posters deemed the SD a selfish, entitled bitch for wanted a new crib for her first baby instead of the used one SM paid for.

I just don't understand why SDs are labeled greedy or entitled when they have the same desires as other first time moms.

Lady Sav's picture

I totally understand wanting new things (that being said i have to admit... i didnt actually read the post you refering too) but if SD was living with the SM and couldnt afford new things its a tad different.
Also SM purchased it which means it wasnt technically hand me downs... i purchased a car second hand and is basically new barely used.
So i think its a lil different. But i totally understand what you mean, when i have a baby i'll also want all new stuff and Lord help BM if she tries to send me anything that belongs to SS.

Disneyfan's picture

That SD I'm talking about doesn't live with SM. Hand me down or purchased from a second hand store doesn't matter. Most new mothers want new stuff for their kids. They also want to be the to pick out the items themselves.

Lady Sav's picture

Thats what i was thinking as well. I mean im pretty sure that SM wouldnt spend money trying to be malicious? But like i said, i didnt see the post. was just thinking out loud i guess.

QueenBeau's picture

I kind of remember this... I thought it was a crib SD had picked out & SM went back & got it? Then SD didn't want it because SM bought it?

I'm not positive though.

If you got the money to buy all new, by all means buy all new. I think it's rude to step in & purchase something as big as a crib unless you know EXACTLY what the mom wants. Those things were important to me that I picked them out. My mom gifted me baby furniture, but we went & picked it out together.

z3girl's picture

I hear you!

My SD is 20 years older than my bios. My SIL gives me hand me downs for my boys that are 15 years old that I don't want. The worst was when she gave me a hand me down from SD23!!! They bought SD a fleece jacket, and when she outgrew it, BM sent it to SIL for her kids (younger than SD) and recently she gave it to me. Uh, no.

Now all hand me downs go in a clothing donation box. It's one thing if someone asks if I want clothes (that are not over 10 years old!) and another to just dump them on me. Thankfully I can afford to buy my children their own clothes. Yes, BS2 gets hand me downs from BS3, but not everything. And they're 11 months apart.

I almost ended up with SD's crib as well. There was drama surrounding this crib, so I said to DH that it's bad karma and I want a new crib for our babies.

Disneyfan's picture

I understand both sides. Your husband doesn't get it because both kids are his. So for him it's a no brainer that siblings will get some hand me downs.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

If they kids were a year or two apart I can understand keeping clothes, but I am not keeping a Rubbermaid full of clothes for 5 years to make my kid wear. That is too long to keep things around. I don't do hand me downs either unless it is sports equipment.

My sister in law has clothes from the 80's that she kept and makes my niece wear. That is very weird, and they were not cool 80's clothes either...like Granimals LOL.

AllySkoo's picture

I was never really into the whole "we have to have everything NEW!" mentality. Kids' crap is freaking expensive. My sisters gave me hand me downs, and I was incredibly grateful. (That said, I TOTALLY get not wanting hand me downs from BM. I think that's different - that's more about the source than it is a "newness" thing.)

My SD17 is pulling this though - everything has to be "new" for her baby and she doesn't want her sister's hand me downs. *eye roll* I haven't said anything. I figure a few months of paying for diapers, formula, and clothes that get worn for 12 weeks before being too small should cure her of this desire to spend money she doesn't have to. (Not that SHE has any money. Her BF22 is apparently planning on buying all this crap, which I will believe when I see it. He has a job, but he's an incredibly selfish bastard and I can't see him being the money-train for long.)