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Sd got caught sneaking food

stepmominhiding's picture

So we had a dinner party and someone brought cupcakes.  Well there were 4 leftover cupcakes,  the next day we went to the beach. We all had a blast,  built sandcastles,  we came back late at night. I noticed that the cupcakes were still in the container in the kitchen, when i was closing up the house before we went to bed.

The next morning i saw them still there.  I was about to throw them away, but decided to go plant my herbs that were growing in my window sill instead. Dh and dd were watching a movie and sd was all alone playing the SIMS in the other room (right around the corner of the kitchen) come time for lunch i came in and all the cupcakes were gone. I threw away the box.  I asked some i was making myself lunch If anyone wanted me to make them something.  Sd said she just ate breakfast,  but i know she was done eating breakfast before i went out to the garden.

Then after dh had lunch he asked where the cupcakes went. Sd got up from the computer and went to her room.  I told dh that i suspected sd took them.  He turned it around and asked why i didn't think dd took them.  Well,  dd was with him watching movies,  it would have been really difficult for her to have taken any.  I told him that i was outside for a few hours planting and weeding in the garden.  Sd was the only one who had any opportunity to take any without being suspicious.  And when he asked she quickly left the room. 

He called sd back out and questioned her she denied it and denied it.  Finally he watched the video and low and behold,  sd ate all the cupcakes that were left. 

Dh yelled at her,  told her she was stealing, that can end up with her in prison,  that she is a liar. He took her phone.  Im not sure if he told her mom or not.  Of course at this point sd is hysterical.  But not because she feels bad.  But because dh "scared her" because he yelled.  

Later on dh said he felt bad for telling at her but he's just so worried that she's going to end up in juvenile detention. She's stolen money from her mom and her 7yo brother.  She's stolen candy from school fundraisers.  She's eaten her brother's entire birthday cake. 

I know we need up by not throwing them away. So i feel partly responsible.  But at some point she needs to know staying is wrong,  eating 4 cupcakes is wrong,  she needs to know NOT to do that. 

justmakingthebest's picture

HAHA! So the camera worked! I bet DH was mostly embarrassed that he stood up for her and found out that she really is a liar and thief. 

SteppedOut's picture

Lying is a huge issue. Binge eating is a huge issue that should be addressed by a doctor/psychologist. 

Your DH also seems to be an issue; glad you have the cameras installed. It sucks you have to have them tho....

ndc's picture

I have no issue with your DH yelling at her and taking her phone.  That is an appropriate consequence for lying.

However, this is an overweight girl who is sneaking and binging on food.  I would concentrate more on getting her help for a possible eating disorder before it gets out of control than I would on punishing her.

amyburemt's picture

Did anyone specifically say " no one touch these cupcakes"?  I think your dh might have really overreacted. If no one said don't touch these cupcakes, then that information was never put out there to begin with. Also the whole it's stealing, you can go to jail, etc, was pretty strong. Is she not supposed to feel like she can be comfortable in the house? How old is she? If she has an eating problem instead of using threats and further damaging her self esteem why not get her help?

stepmominhiding's picture

Even if nobody said specifically don't touch the cupcakes,  kids are supposed to at least ask for treats. This girl ate not just one but 4 cupcakes.  She's 13. And i agree she needs help.  Dh legally cannot take her to see psychologist. It has to be bm.  And she won't do it

over the rainbow's picture

I personally think the worst thing you can do is overreact about cake. You were going to chuck them. Why didn't she feel she could ask to have cake in the first place? Why would you chuck them rather than offer them to the kids? Taking money is stealing, acting this way over cake is going to increase secret/binge eating. My daughter knows to ask me to have something,but she also knows that she can ask and I will only say no if she's already had too much/dinner is be ready etc. My daughter is 8... At 13, I would be wanting her to be taking more responsibility for her own food choices outside. mealtimes.. If she ate four cupcakes secretly, my real concern would be why she feels the need to eat secretly (what's going.on emotionally) and why does she want four cupcakes.... 

over the rainbow's picture

Should have also said, the reason I feel so strongly about this is that I grew up in a family where you had to always ask and more often than not, the answer would be no. Other times it would be a free for all and the inconsistency around food led me to form a very unhealthy relationship with it. Aas a result, by 15 I was bulimic and this then morphed into anorexia, which was a much bigger problem. Both a fueled by shame, a 'be perfect' driver and involve a lot of lying and secrecy (which then morphs into other parts of life, not just food). We have a snack box open (and rarely touched)... My daughter keeps her chocolate etc in her room... And it's still left from Easter.... Just don't think this one is about the lying... She's got bigger issues that need to be dealt with kindly and without judgement.

stepmominhiding's picture

The children know to ask for treats.  More often than not, the answer here is yes.  The reason (I'm not justifying I'm just clarifying) that dh acted the way he did was that sd began her "sneakily taking things" at bm's with cake.  She ate her brother's entire cake.  A fw wks later she snuck $40 worth of fundraiser candy from the school.  Then she stole $40 from bm.  Then she stole $20 of fundraiser candy from the school,  then took $20 from BM.  Then she stole $20 more fundraiser candy from the school then $20 from her brother's piggy bank.  

Sooooo, dh is afraid the pattern is going to start here as well.  He wanted to nip it in the bud, before it started, so i understand 

marblefawn's picture

If she's really eating entire cakes, you've got a different problem than stealing food.

She might be lying about what she's eating because of shame. And it might also be connected to stealing money, etc. -- like maybe she's buying food with the money she's stealing?

Rainydaze777's picture

Lol- I've done that before- didn't intend to overeat and end up doing it.

I RARELY eat sugar- ever.

My auntie baked a pue and brought it over and I ate the woke thing in 2 days :-/. 

Rainydaze777's picture

I feel for ya.

that would annoy the hell out of me- having to live with someone who can't just act like a normal person.