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SD is a Bridezilla!

Holly008's picture

I am new and this is my first post. I have been reading and happy I have found a place totalk to folks that will understand!
I have an alcoholic DH who's adult bd that started dating a guy in July and is already getting married. When my DH and I married we went alone and she has always resented that. My own adult BS
married and on his own but the sd still lives with BM. She argued with her one time about 2 years ago and lived with us for about 6 weeks. Not one time did she even put her own dishes in the DW much less help me with any chores. She slept on the same sheets for 6 weeks and when she left, they where still dirty and bed not made! You get the picture right?
Well, Her F did come over and had the "marriage discussion" with DH but she did not tell me they where even talking about it. My DH did after they left that day. We found out about the engagement of FB! OK so, being nice, I took the happy couple shopping. Spent $300.00 in 3 stores. 2 days ago, she screams at me on the phone about an issue of her wedding that I offered to help with, I tell her that she can do it herself and I hang up before I get enraged. % minutes later DH calls and says "What did you say to her? she just called me crying?" WTH? He assumed that I was in the wrong?
DH and I have been only co-existing for a long long time. He drives, and I mean a case a day and stops off at his parents EVERY SINGLE day. Doesnt come home before 8PM and by that time, he is plastered. I just do my job and try to stay out of the way of his verbal abuse.
My oldest brother was killed in a freak accident last October, we suffered major flood damage in May and 2 days later, I lost my Dad. When I took vacation last week, he stated he did not have vacation left because he used all of his "burying people" I could go on for an hour of remarks like this. The day of my Dad's memorial he asks me how long is was going to take because he needed to get home to cut his parents yard!
I feel trapped because of a house that will not sale in this market, so short of bankrupsy, I dont know what to do. My BS hates him because while he was only living with a short time before he moved out on his own, he was verbally abusive to him and I feel like a terrible mother for not leaving back then. I love him but thats not enough..........someone please tell me I deserve better like I know I do Sad

LizGrace65's picture

You deserve better.

Your title doesn't tell the half of what your post is actually about.

If you make up your mind to start over on your own, you will find a way to do it, no matter whether it's bankruptcy or taking off for a friend's house or even a shelter. If you have a job, you are in a good place to start.

I know it's not easy. I had nothing when I left exH. You can do it.


Holly008's picture

I know, I honesty feel like my SD brought all of this to the surface that I had been trying to ignore.
Thank you..Hugs back at ya!

skylarksms's picture

I don't have any skids old enough to be married but your post hit home for me too as my DH is also an alcoholic who gets verbally abusive when he drinks too much.

My adult DS also hates him and he refuses to see DS. (long story)

I also wished I would have left him when DS was still young and living at home.

DaizyDuke's picture

You derserve better! and while bankruptcy sucks, it is short term... what 7 years on your credit?? and if you slowly work on your credit during that 7 years (get a couple of credit cards that you pay off every month, etc.) it won't even take that long for you to get your credit score back up. (My hubby actually had to file for bankruptcy back when SS and SD were little and BM's were taking him for every last cent. Before the 7 years was even up, he was able to get a mortgage and now has like an 800 credit score.

It seems to me like a few years with bad credit is WAY better than one more day of living like you are living at the moment!

StepMomJane's picture

"Burying people"?! That's awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Truthfully, something would have stirred the pot eventually...just happened to be SD, which makes it worse.
You DO deserve better!!! Hang in there Sad

Holly008's picture

Yes, he told me that as well as my Dad was a huge collector of horse racing stuff. He had no insurance so I cashed a 401k I owned for his final expenses. When I said I was going to give my youngest brother and my BS some of Dad's collect, he stated "Hell no! we need to sell it to get some money back"
Excuse me? it was my 401k and there was money left over,I think I have the right to do what I want with my Fathers things.
He visits his every day and I told him last night, he will never understand what I have been through until he loses his brother and his parents. He has done NOTHING to help with the flood issues, met no contractors or insurance adjusters. It has been expected that I do all of that. I pay all the bills, do all the cleaning,handle any type of birthday, holiday gift buying. He got mad at me last week because I did not remind him it was his parents anniversary. He was at their house that day, heck you would have thought the subject came up. I am bitter now, just plain bitter

Holly008's picture

Thank you all for your support.
DH had left on Tuesday night and stayed all night at parents (done this 100 times in 6 years) came back last night and I spilled everything that has been building up. He said he wanted to make our marriage something for me to be proud of, that he would limit to 2 a day. I know an alcoholic cannot just have 2. Said SD wanted nothing else do with me and he was not going to her wedding. You know who will get the blame for that, dear old bitch SM, right? }:)
I have started making plans, real plans, have an apt set aside and Saturday, while he is gone, I will move as much as I can into storage, unclutter and put house om market
walking in got to go.....