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SD with behavioral problems

Flowerlily94's picture

This sucks but I feel like me and my 6 year old SD are not going to be able to be close. I posted a few days ago how she doesn’t listen to anything I say. She has put my baby in danger and is a bully to my 5 year old daughter. Family and friends of my BF has told me she never listens and laughs and snickers at anybody who tries to get her to behave. Not just me. But I love my BF and we plan on getting married soon. The SD doesn’t live with us she lives with her grandma. But she comes and stays at our house a few times a month. I love her but I can’t stand the way she acts and I kind of dread when she comes over. How do I go along with this? I just can’t get close to her and affectionate. I know my BF will notice it soon that I am not affectionate towards her. Not really sure what to do.

SteppedOut's picture

Why does she live with her grandmother?

Maybe she us acting out because of jealousy thay her father lives with 2 other kids but not her? Where is her BM?

SteppedOut's picture

Not that bullying and/or hurting others is ok...I left my formerSO because he couldn't manage to discipline or correct bad behavior from his son. I'm just trying to get to the root of why a 6 year old would act like this.

tog redux's picture

Who said you have to love your stepkids, especially if they are poorly behaved.  I don't love my SS.  I like him sometimes, but I have never loved him. Your BF should have no expectation that you love his kid, just that you treat her kindly and respectfully.

Why is she with grandmother? Where is her mom?

Flowerlily94's picture

She lives with her grandmother because he became homeless with her and his mom said she can take care of her until he gets a place and job etc. this was when she was about a year old. My SD’s mom did drugs and not healthy. My BF has changed himself around and is working full time and bettering his life. Once he got established it was to the point where she has separation anxiety from her grandma. I’m not saying this is an easy thing for her at all but it’s unbearable to be around her and I have to stick up for my 5 year old when she is being bullied and I need to protect my 7 month old. We talked about her moving in with us but it needs to be slow to not cause more damage. But at the same time if she lives under our roof she can’t disrespect me

tog redux's picture

She could probably benefit from some therapy - she's had a rough life so far, it sounds like.

Steppedonnomore's picture

SD's behavior problems are due to a lack of parenting. Your BF abdicated his parental responsibility and his mother has been in charge.  No doubt she has allowed the child to get away with everything because "poor little girl has no parent in her life" or because she is older and didn't want to be raising another child herself.  Your BF needs to step up and be the parent, especially if the plan is for the child to move in with you.  If he isn't willing to parent his daughter now, then he probably plans on sticking you with that responsibility once you are married. You should discuss/argue/sort this all out now and make sure you and BF are on the same page (and not just about discipline) before you become legally entangled. 

StayTrue's picture

Some grandparents do have a sympathy card for the child. While they may think they are protecting them it just hurts them. 

DrizzlyHateful's picture

Always stand up for your children. They're your priority, not Sd. That's up to your husband, he needs to step up. She may be jealous but again that's on him and the child's mother.

Rags's picture

I commented on your last post that this kid needs belt to the butt for endangering the baby and your 5yo needs to bust her in the mouth with a fist for bullying.  The why of her crap is irrelevent. Only her behaviors matter.

That so many adults recognize her crap and yet do nothing about it is pathetic.

Anon9876's picture

I agree with the above post. This kid needs some counseling. Her life has been full of trauma at just the age of six.

She has become emotionally attached with her grandma and if I had to guess, has some insecurities since both of her parents failed her early in life and potentially abandonment issues.

I'm sure your SO is a good man now but his past actions definitely affected her and since he was not able to be a role model in her life that instilled discipline front an early age I'm sure she is having a hard time afjusting.

It's normal to have issues bonding with a Stepkid. It's great you love her, but no one ever said you had to like her 

Maybe try to get her counseling, see how that helps her.

This may benefit everyone involved.