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SD asked Dad if she could come live with us?

sshoho's picture

HELP!!! My insides are screaming NO WAY...but my husband wants this so badly. He has missed most of her childhood since her mother kidnapped her but oh my god, I don't think I could take it.

This is the 14 year old who lives with her mother in Kansas. California is a lot different than Kansas.

sparky's picture

WOW, Life with a 14 year old is very difficult at best. I can't imagine taking in an almost stranger even if she is his daughter. I would slow the train down. Have her stay for several weeks during the holidays and see how that goes.

stacwal's picture

My SD moved in with us a year and 1/2 ago. She is 13. It has been hell. She is very sneaky. At that age, they crave the fathers attention. Especially if they have not been very active in their lives. That is normal, but she likes to undermind me to get it. Whenever I say anything to her, they think I am out to get her. It is not a good situation. Hopefully, yours would be different. But I can say, if I had this to do over, I would not have let her move in.

Kim M's picture

Does she think life will be Disneyland,or vacation from boundries if she live w/ you?Read the post and the unhappy stats first.They speak for themselves.Can the relationship really tolerate the challenge?If you decide to proceed,BE SURE to Make a pact w/ DH that you are backing each other up.NO SIDING OR ALOWWING WEDGING.Establish how things will be and you are women of the house and the wife.

wildlife's picture

I think this is going to be happening to me soon too. We could give each other support if you want. My SD is 15 and her mother is moving away and signing custody over to us. It's supposed to happen over Thanksgiving. I want to give her limits and and real family but I have a feeling that I'll have to bend a little too. Perhaps we could help each other see when we need to bend and when we need to stand firm.


sshoho's picture

Absolutely. I think that is how we get through this situations. Only another step can understand exactly how to get through these difficult situations.

SD is coming Christmas eve (some present) to discuss this with us.

marika's picture

We tried when SD was 12 and again when she was 21. DH might be glad to have his little girl around, but it won't work. SD and I were more like rivals than anything else. She tried to impose her will both times, DH was caught in the middle and I was an absolute wreck - when she was 12 I was on antidepressants and when she was 21 I gained 20 pounds. As the others have said, try a long visit or two.

Sorry to be so negative.

sshoho's picture

I agree. I think for my mental welfare, it's best that she stays where she is -- with her mother.