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Sd is angry (can I blame her? )

nunya1983's picture

Sd isn't going to want to come around much longer, and dh isn't gonna know what hit him. But in his eyes he hasn't done anything wrong.

He likes to yell. But he doesn't follow through as long as it involves his daughter because that involves actually parenting her. I will never understand what happened. Once we got married his balls slowly began to detach when it came to anything sd related. I think that instead of following through, he decided to stop doing anything.

So now that sd noticed dh has ignored her she is angry. Dh's father wanted to take everyone out to dinner on Friday but I was busy with dds' sporting event so sd, dh and fil went instead. Dh said sd pouted the whole time, she ordered an insane amount of food and over ate. When he told me all this I just say there with a blank expression. Didn't say anything.

Well then Saturday came and we went out to do some errands while we were out we went to a deli for lunch sd ordered a bacon cheddar baked potato I swear it looked like there were 2 potatoes there. I didn't say anything, but neither did dh. She cleared her plate again. My thoughts were "whatever, don't even look" so I didn't. While we were out sd kept shoving me to get to the car first. Amy time I spoke (to anyone) she'd role her eyes and "humph". I said something about planning on going to the pool this weekend (which she had been begging dh to do) and she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

I know that she is angry with dh and taking it out on me. But dh just says I'm sure she didn't mean to "knock into" you (the child shoved me with her hands), and "I didn't see her roll her eyes.", "are you sure she wasn't just breathing?"

nunya1983's picture

He was way behind us, he really should have been able to see it. I was walking with my kids and talking to them, and apparently sd didn't want us to get to the car first. She kept saying "humph, no I bumped into you on accident, "I didn't push you." And dh keeps saying, I'm sure it was an accident sd, it's alright.", I kept telling dh, "it was not an accident dh, and it wasn't a bump, she used her hands and shoved me." He kept Assuring me I was just mistaken.

Whatever I know the difference between bare hands and fingers and chubby clothed shoulders.

More than anything I'm pissed at dh. Yes I'm upset with sd, but I'm trying to understand where this is coming from. I'm upset with her, don't get me wrong, she is capable of keeping her hands to herself and keeping her eyes from rolling around in her head (lol)

omgstop's picture

My ss likes to constantly comment, roll his eyes, etc. It gets old fast. This past weekend, he rolled his eyes at me and I told him, "go ahead and try that one more time and see what happens", he did, and then got to stay home with dh while the sd's and I went to the movies. Finally got dh to realize that ss needs to get right in the house or he can stay home. This kid needs CONSTANT recognition/attention, glad he's only over a couple times a week.

Rags's picture

Next time she assaults you ... pepper spray to the face and call 911 and let the police deal with her. I have zero tolerance for that shit and would jerk a major knot in her tail for that crap were I you.

nunya1983's picture

She's only 10, the police won't do anything, they may have a talk with her, but I think they will be pissed with me for calling.

She may be 10, but she puts her entire 120lbs behind her shove. And I didn't see her coming up behind me. I almost feel over. Dh keeps insisting it was am accident. I felt it, this was no accident. He just doesn't want to do anything about it. And if I pepper spray a10 year old and dh and she say that I pepper sprayed or even pushed my sd for her "accidently knocking into me", I'm sure I'd end up doing time in jail. SM's have it so hard. You know BM will press charges and sd will be there and dh wouldn't be able to say that she shoved me, because well then he'd have to say he lied on the police report and confess that he knew sd shoved me... it would be easier to pretend that sd is innocent of everything, so he can continue to NOT parent his child.

Rags's picture

Okay, she is 10. No pepper spray. Grab her ear, give it a good twist, crouch down and get in her face, and tell her that 10 is not too your or too old for a bare ass whuppin with a paddle and if shoves you again that is exactly what will happen.

Then turn to DH and say "Man up there daddy and deal with this example of your abject failure as a parent and a man."

If it happens again ... paddle her ass.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

nunya1983's picture

I haven't had a chance to have a talk wroth her about it. I would like to have a talk with her away from everyone so that she doesn't feel judged. But I do actually plan on doing this.

nunya1983's picture

So we had "the talk". That didn't go over as smoothly as I'd hoped.

Sd first acted as though she had no idea what we were talking about. She kept saying, "what? When? No, I didn't do that!" Then she reverted back to "it was an accident!" But with her fall back defense mechanism, tears.... and snot. "I pwomise daddy, it was a accident. I didn't see them." Then she said, "but u was only trying to get to the car first, I didn't want dd10 to steal my spot" so either she didn't see us (which is ridiculous there were 3 of us walking side by side, talking and laughing), or she did see us and ran into us on purpose (so then she admitted that she saw us). I can tell you if you've ever seen this girl run, Even for a few steps, she'd be red in the face and huffing and puffing. She was neither. Also you can hear this child when she runs, she isn't the lightest on her toes when she runs. Don't get me wrong she knows how to be sneaky, but when she runs it's thwomp thwomp thwomp all the way. She was definitely not running.

You can bet every shiny penny you own on the fact that day bought the fire works "even if she did do it, I'm sure she's sorry, look at her face!", I reply with, "ya looks like a pity party to me, and you decided to attend, well I'm not going." Then he goes to tell me that I just don't understand sensitive girls like her. Bull shit,that's not sensitive, that's overly coddled. Maybe not recently. Recently he's been a shitty dad. But for the past few years now he's been the disney dad to her.

Strengthh's picture

YUP. No she knows she can push you hard, as hard as she wants, whenever she wants.......and will not only get out of it with no consequence, but will get positive attention.

This happened to me too. Exact same thing. SD shoved me hard enough to knock me off balance, I barely stayed on my feet. Then denied it, acted liked she didn't remember, acted like it was an accident. Acted hurt. Said about me daddy I just want her to like me why doesn't she like me. My H bought it all.

Well it's your move, I'm curious how you will handle the next shove or other act of physical violence.

nunya1983's picture

I don't know, I was caught so of guard with this, I couldn't even react when it happened. I was just completely dumbfounded that some child had the nerve to shove me, I couldn't even muster a reaction. Also I'm the type to let things cool off a day or two so that I don't react in the heat of the moment and I can have a clear level head when I do something

Strengthh's picture

I handled it the same way. I was so shocked that yes a child was bold enough to come up on an adult like that. I waited a few hours to tell H.

Strengthh's picture

My SD did this to me as well. She is 12, obese, weighs more than me. She was 11 but same thing, weighed more than me. She shoved me, claimed it was an accident, H defended her, that and another issue is why I had to stop visitation in the home.

Because it's either that, or be her punching bag. She is a child, if you defend yourself, she could call CPS on you, and you could possibly be in legal trouble or lose your kids. Or do nothing and be her punching bag.

My SD escalated. She had been pouting non stop almost during visitation, rolling her eyes, giving me dirty looks, not to mention all the horrible things she said to me and my kids. She would also run past me to get somewhere faster or get to her dad. That went on for years. Like your SD. Now she is shoving you. Won't be long before she shoves you again or worse. And your H allowing it........I would say he has no respect for you to allow you to be physically assaulted by his daughter. And he is a complete failure as a father. What the fuck kinda loser allows his kid to get physical with adults. I know my H is the same way. I call it "pretending" to parent.

Ninji's picture

"dh just says I'm sure she didn't mean to "knock into" you "

I would reply. That's fine believe what you want, but the next time she puts her hands on me it isn't going to go well for either of you.

Meaning you either tan her ass or you refuse to have a child abusing you and she doesn't come to your home any longer. How long before her anger at DH causes her to put hands on your children?

nunya1983's picture

My kids already know if anyone lays a hand on them (unless they are much younger) they are aloud to defend themselves in what ever way necessary. My oldest dd is a purple belt in karate. my youngest is a very strong and quick little girl with sharp elbows and knuckles that make really good weapons and tend to find all the tender spots even when your are just trying to get some cuddles, lol.

Aniki's picture

^^Agree. My husband KNOWS I am not a liar so if I told him one of the skids did something, he knows it is true.

And even though PrincASS is 6' tall and PigPen is 5'8", DH has told them both that I can lay them out with BOTH hands tied behind my back and he's okay with me doing it if they are ever stupid enough to think it's okay.

nunya1983's picture

Right, that's what I've been telling dh, too. I don't know where he got the idea that eating a baked potato should count as eating your veggies. But I'm not telling him anymore now that I'm disengaging... but he needs to re engage with sd. It's like he pulled away in an "I'll show her" manner. And sd now doesn't have anyone engaged here... she'll be here today after school, so I'll talk to here then. Once school is over we get her very little during the week, but then we get her a whole month. That's what I'm really worried about, the whole month!

Strengthh's picture

Your H has it made. His kid gets physical with you, he does worse than nothing, he defends her........now he's got you as a free babysitter.

Yeah that's the life. Don't parent and have others do the work.

nunya1983's picture

Dh has ignored her toys past week, yes I agree, that's enough for sd to be angry. But it seems add if you ate talking about something else?

nunya1983's picture

Not toys, I'm sorry that's supposed to say THIS in on my phone it was a auto correct

I'm not Sheldon, sorry. I know you really want me to be. But we don't do anything TO sd. Dh has been ignoring her this week, but in the past he's flat out ignored her bad behavior, before I disengaged, I would send her to her room. Then I would have her apologize for her behavior.

Other than anything you think I've done as this "Sheldon" person you can't even say I've done anything TO sd. So this is absolutely ridiculous.

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

All of those kids are going to pop sooner or later.

It's amazing how this guy went from a great dad in your posts , to a disengaged, useless dad. Just a bit ago you were posting about a plot to go to court for full custody of the kid.

nunya1983's picture

Have I yet said that? Not yet, not ever, I have never said that. I don't ever speak about sd like that. I may talk about the bag things sd does, but it all falls on dh and his expecting ME to parent his child. He expects me to fix where he and bm screwed up along the way somewhere

nunya1983's picture

Sorry? I'very said he likes to play super dad... I've always always blamed his lack of patrenting for any of the things that sd has done. I do blame bm more, mostly because she was the main one to raise her for the most formative years (1-3) while dh was over seas. Then from 3-4 dh fought for 50-50 custody. So during the age 3-4 sd has eow with her dad. But yes I do blame dh and bm for the way sd is. Sd eats away at my nerves. But have I blamed sd for her actions? No I blame dh, I always have, as nunya83 and nunya1983. So I'm sorry, I know you guys really want me too be this other person, but I'm not

nunya1983's picture

Now I'm someone else too? How many secret identities do I have now disney? I am going to have trouble keeping up wroth them all. Other than living in a state that borders the coast and bring a stepmom with 2 bios that's where the similarities ended. Didn't you say Sheldon's sd had learning disabilities? Sd doesn’t, she got marked as advanced on one of her standardized tests (just found this out when she was here yesterday) she's making all A's and B's in class. She's got a listening problem (according to the teacher, and a bit of a drama queen also according to the teacher).

Didn't you also say that Sheldon's sd had a speech impediment? Sd only does her baby talk when she's trying to get what she wants. Our when she forgets she isn't at her mother's house, because "her mom thinks it's cute" what she had is not an impediment, unless you count her mom keeping her a baby an impediment.

nunya1983's picture

OK, like I said near the coast how many sea world are there I think there are like 3 or 4? "Within driving distance" is different to everyone, one person might not mind driving 15 minutes to a sea world, where as another person might not mind driving 4 hrs. Sea world happens to be approximately 5 hours Mosquitos carry west nile? Mosquitos are like within every square inch near the coast. West nile was rampant all along the coast a few years back. I knew a few other children in dd's school who had it as well. I also knew a few friends on facebook who got it. All at the same time (within a week or so)

Disneyfan's picture

Nunya, stop it.

You have posted here for years under different names. However, the core details remain the same. You tend to slip up and post about minute things as Nunya, that you posted as one of the other two.

You deleted the Stepmominhidding account after I pointed out that you had included the SD's real name in a post. Sheldonfan was then invented. That one went bye bye when you posted something that outraged many here. Then Nunya 1 and Nunya 2 were invented.

All four names have the same story line. The minute details are too damn similar for it to be just a fluke. You keep slipping up and posting minor details that reveal who you are. Then you throw a mini hiss fit people calling you Sheldon and try to get them point out why they think you are. I think you do that to get posters to point out all of the similarities. That way when you come up with name #5, you will know which details ti change.

Sheldon never said her SD had learning disabilities. However, the things she posted about the child's speech and academic problems (spelling was a big one)lead some to think that something might be wrong. But since neither parent would take the steps needed to have her

nunya1983's picture

What ever I never ask for you to call me anything other than nunya, that's it. I'm sure that with how many people go to sea world every year in sure some of them include blended families. I'm sure some blended families have had a child effected with west nile. And with both of those being coastal things, both are bound to happen to more than just a handful of step families

nunya1983's picture

They keep comparing me too this awful person who hates her step kid and apparently wants her dh to ignore her sd and be her baby's daddy or something like that...

nunya1983's picture

After finding out that the money was hers I wrote that she was a weirdo.

But if someone is awkwardly hiding money trying to sneak it past you, wouldn't you assume that it just might not belong to her? Kids make mistakes, if you catch them at it the first time, they less likely to do that kind of mistake again, not always, but it can help. I wasn't sure, that's why I sent her to her father.

Now we do give sd allowance, so she does have money.

nunya1983's picture

She was acting suspicious with the money directly, so I assumed it wasn't hers. But I was letting dh deal with the discipline with her. In glad it wasn't what I thought it was, and I felt bad for assuming the worst, but like I said, kids make mistakes. It might have been out of curiosity. I know when I was her age I took money from my mom (even when I had my own money. More out of curiosity of what it felt like to take something. I've never done it since, my mom found out right away. But I'm also glad that sd didn't take money.

Monchichi's picture

I'm almost sure you've posted about play dough and your SD under a previous name. As well as a dinner out where she ate too much and had the dessert. But the dessert was actually shared by all of you.

nunya1983's picture

My stance on the play dough is that he made my dd (who was 10 at the time) throw play dough away when she was given it as a "prize" for being a star child in her class. Now sd lied to dh about what this stuff was and then dh didn't check the package to see what it was, and when I asked him about it later (after I was in sd's room because she was talking to me about something and dd asked about what that was) and she said what it was and dd looked at me and said she thought we weren't allowed to have play dough. So then away from the children I talked to dh about it. Dh allowed sd to keep the play dough.

nunya1983's picture

At this point? I'm not so sure... he used to. He questioned sd about it. She told him she thought she knew what it was. But then dh said she told him that she said she played it at a friend's house so she would have known (She told dh it was paint). But then decided that she was old enough and should keep the play doh.

nunya1983's picture

Dup

Disneyfan's picture

Then you turned around and posted about your plan to use the kid's eating habits as a reason to take mom to court for custody. When it was pointed out that both parents allowed the kid to eat like a pig, you pretty much said that wasn't the norm for dad.

You were planning to use the difference in how they parent in regards to the child's as a reason to change custody.

If the last food marathon wasn't the norm, why did it cause such a stir?

Strengthh's picture

Whatever led up to it, it is very simple. This is unacceptable. She is violent with an adult. She cannot be in the home. Nunya, the situation has crossed the line. It must stop. She cannot be in the home.

Even if she is justified, or you are at fault, or however else the other posters put it, this situation isn't good for anyone. No matter whose fault it is.

nunya1983's picture

The kids is not abused, sorry tommar. The kid has been neglected to been told no. And when dh does say no, she goes and tries to do it anyway

Yes the week leading up to it dh had been an ass and ignored her. He is a complete ass for that. But she abused me. I never laid a hand on this child, I've never done anything to her

Disneyfan's picture

A 10 ten year old kid abused you???? You really need to stop it.

IF she pushed you, then she should be punished. But to claim you're a victim of abuse is sick.

When you spank your kids, is that abuse?

Strengthh's picture

It's not technically "abuse" but when a ten year old weighs as much or more than you do, and her dad looks the other way/defends her, then you will be subjected to that behavior in the future.

While not "abuse" it is physical violence. And there's no way to defend against it. As CPS can be called. The only way to prevent future violence is to somehow not be around that child.

nunya1983's picture

OK, the word assaulted is more appropriate, you're right, I was searching for a word and couldn't find it, so I used her word... when I remembered the word I was thinking of I couldn't edit my pay because someone already responded

Strengthh's picture

Or something, then nunya and her kids move out, or the H moves out. Or visitation stops in the home. Or nunya and her kids go to a friends or a hotel during the entire visitation.

Whatever. Something must be done to separate .

nunya1983's picture

Again, sd is not abused, she is the one who assaulted me, her hands shoved me. Why do you keep saying she has been abused? What do you get out of this?

nunya1983's picture

You are the one that needs to open your eyes, I'm sorry. I don't need a lesson in parenting. My kids are just fine. That's why dh had no problem pretending to be their daddy. Because it's easy, their isn't much to do. That and I actually do the discipline. So he can go around acting like "yup these are mine" when in fact that's all me. I food that. That's the result of MY patrenting.

That's what happens when you know how to parent. You get good kids. They make mistakes, all kids do. But I don't set them up for failure. I don't put their weaknesses out on the counter for them to look at while they are home alone with no one looking.

nunya1983's picture

Absolutely not, I don't even want him to be like this. I want him to concentrate on sd. At bate minimum get his shit straight with sd then he can start playing happy family again with dds if he wanted to.

AllySkoo's picture

Not "common"... but not unheard of either. There were 2,122 confirmed cases in the US in 2014.

AllySkoo's picture

I'm a math geek, so I'm going to take a wild stab at this.

2,122 total cases. There are only 3 states with a "Sea World" (FL, TX, CA) and the total for those states was 1156. (There were 4 deaths, leaving 1152.)

Let's be REALLY generous and say 40% of those were "blended" families. That's 460 people who are part of a blended family, live in the same state as a Sea World, and had West Nile.

Of course, some of those 460 are adults. Let's be generous again and say 60% of them were kids. That gives us roughly 275 kids who are part of a blended family, live in the same state as a Sea World, and had West Nile.

As I've said, I neither know nor care one iota whether Nunya is Sheldon. I am aggressively disinterested. I do like math though. Smile

AllySkoo's picture

Lol I can't even begin to hazard a guess how many SMs, as a percentage of the whole, have visited STalk! All of 'em, if they've got any sense. Wink

nunya1983's picture

But close to 6,000 in 2012, and also around 2,000 in 2013 so in those 3 years there have been 10,000 cases alone

AllySkoo's picture

Ah, good point! (I really DON'T care if you've had past user names. Lol I may not do quadratic equations for fun, but I will say it's ALWAYS me helping any given kid or skid with math homework. ;))

OK. From 1994 to 2014 (inclusive) there were 7542 reported cases of WNV in those 3 states. (I'm getting this data from the CDC, by the way.) That includes deaths (roughly 4% per year, but let's go with 2) so subtract 151 = 7391.

Now, using my previous calculations. Smile Let's say half came from blended families, that's 3695.

Here's an interesting fact though. Apparently, the older you are, the MORE likely you are to get WNV. Under age 10, the incidence rate is about .05 per 100,000 people, whereas age 70 or older the rate is 1.2. It's a steady climb. The CDC broke out the rate for those 10 years by age group, and between the ages of 0 and 19, the incidence rate was about 1.5 per 100,000 people. Ages 20 and up totaled about 3.5 per 100,000 people. So, only about 30% of the 3695 were under the age of 20. That's 1108 people.

And (I forgot this before), of those 1108 people, roughly half were probably boys. But, let's be generous since it's a small sample size, and say 75% were girls. That leaves 831.

So. The number of people fitting Nunya / Sheldon's description - a step daughter who had West Nile sometime in the last 10 years and who lives in a state with a Sea World is 831. So it's certainly mathematically possible they are two different people, but the odds are against it. Sorry, Nunya. (Again, I aggressively do not care. *lol*)

Oh Margie's picture

I have read things from Nunya and sheldonfan that pretty much confirm that they are the same person, however I have never wanted to "pile on" and point out the similarities because I honestly think it's the right of any poster to change their username whenever they like. I did it msyelf; I used to post under the name Milhouse, but had to delete in December because of issues with my Ex SO who was becoming obsessive, frightening and stalker-y.

Topic? I do think SD can't win for losing in that house. I don't condone shoving but the kid has to have some serious anger brewing.

misSTEP's picture

If a person is misrepresenting their story, that is their loss. They can only get help with their issues if they are truthful. If they aren't, oh freaking well.

SugarSpice's picture

my dh was such a coward when it came to the skids. he still is. they are all adults but when they are around he crawls about like a servant offering coffee and food. its humiliating. when sd was younger she threatened to beat me up. she was also obese and i was a lot slimmer. i came back from running in the park and was wearing my snug running rights and she threatened to beat my ass. i looked her up and down all two tons of her and said her ass was bigger than mine and she could very well beat my ass. the look on her face was priceless. she never again said anything to me like that. she was raised a spoiled brat by her mother and no one ever put her in her place.

twoviewpoints's picture

Ah, come on, Nunya. It doesn't matter how the hell you are or how many other posters you've been here. Why spend post after post refuting who people believe you 'really' are'. Bottomline, you're this particular poster now and along with the previous variation of Nunya. Ok. Got it. That's who you are and who you shall be.

Moving on, having read both Nunya versions of a Sm and her 10yr old SD, I'm not buying the girl ran up and just flat out deliberately assaulted you, abused you and/or anything of the type unto you.

What do I think? I think the girl was left trailing behind once again being isolated and excluded from the merry little trio (SM and two oh so perfect and much more 'likeable' bio-daughters who SD's father plays pretend Daddy to). I think SD ran up to catch up (yeah maybe to assure she gets 'her' seat in the vehicle) and clumsily rammed into the merry little trio who were all giggling, joking and laughing while happily ostracizing the child. She likely put her hands up to try and stop herself once she charged up on you and stepsisters. Oh yeah, she 'pushed' you in the mix. DO you seriously believe the girl just ran up and tried to knock you the hell over for kicks and giggles? What purpose would that serve her? None.

Ok. She's been confronted. She knows you found it unacceptable. You've made her cry her eyes out and I pretty much believe it will not happen again.

So are *we* ready to move on now?