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SD is 5 BM added me on FB

supermom89's picture

Ok my DH BM never liked me, never will. But she pretends and has these bipolar seasons where she attempts to play nice. She recently added me on fb ( I know she is going to say its to see pics of SD) but still, I feel like she is just being nosy and still holding on a little bit. But maybe its me? What are your thoughts on this? Oh yeah now that we spend more time with SD (5) she ONLY talks about her mom and I handle this graciously by saying 'thats cool' or changing the subject but it drives me nuts!! Anyone else go through this? :jawdrop: :jawdrop: http://www.steptalk.org/images/smileys/jawdrop.gif

christinen's picture

When DH and I first got together, BM tried to add me on fb but then she immediately sent me a message threatening me to stay away from her daughter or she would beat me so bad DH won’t recognize me and a bunch of other craziness! Needless to say, I did not accept that friend request! Freakin nutjob! But yes, she does go through moments where she tries to be “nice” like one time SD cut her own hair (she is also 5) at BM’s house and BM called me to ask if I knew any hairdressers.. Like the hell.. Don’t you have any family or friends you can call? Or what about a hair salon? I don’t know what her deal is but I keep my distance because I don’t trust her. She has tried everything she can think of to come between DH and I in the past and I have no reason to believe she won’t try it again.

supermom89's picture

LMAO yeah she sounds like a nut. DH and I have been married since SD was 18 months old...but BM was livid because she messed up and she thought they would get married at one point. I don't trust her but I feel like maybe seeing my photos and how happy we are will help her get the big picture. She has not made a move at DH or tried recently to come between us so I dont care what she looks at but she told DH she doesnt respect me abt 2 months ago so why she wants to be my 'friend' must be nothing more than nosiness. She'll snap again, she always goes through the motions but for now she seems to be gaining some sanity.

christinen's picture

I think it's probably easier if the BM has moved on from DH. My SD's BM has obviously not moved on (even though she has had 2 more kids after SD- by 2 different men). But my good friend is with a man who has a 4 year old daughter and she is friendly with the BM BUT in that case, BM is married to another man and they have a child together and she is pregnant with another.

I always wonder about BM motives. Like why would they want to friend us on fb?? Is it really to see the kid's pics?? I feel like BM would HATE to see pics of SD on my fb because she doesn't want to accept that DH has moved on and has a new family now. I can't figure them out. She must just be being nosy, or maybe trying to point out the fact that she isn't going anywhere lol

supermom89's picture

i think its the latter just to irritate me, but it doesnt bother me too much, she may not want DH or she may secretly who knows but more than anything she wishes she had a family unit, or real unconditional love, what WE HAVE so it puzzles me that she would all of a sudden want to see that. When she does not have a new husband or serious relationship

supermom89's picture

thanks but i already accepted, its amusing to me. I have never fought with her in person except when I had to defend myself when she got in my face to "talk" at my SD bday party at her house. DH is noncustodial so Im sure shes just as annoyed when SD comes home talking about me.

supermom89's picture

i honestly don't know why she even requested me but hey i hit accept because she obviously wants to stalk us lol

Lalena75's picture

BM has twice tried to add me and I denied her. The first was before SO and I were officially dating and were just getting to know each other. The second when he moved in. Neither was anything more than manipulation, control and plain old nosiness.
She tells people I won't accept because I'm threatened by her, or cause I'm a "difficult person" I just shrug and respond I only friend people I'm friends with.
Never ever have the BM on FB unless you really are great get along irl friends. She will use this to play games.

JillianT82's picture

I had BM as a "friend" on FB at one time. SD15 had displayed some very concerning and disrespectful behavior during one particular visit with DH and I and I had called BM to discuss the matter. BM revealed that SD pulled those little stunts at our house because she felt that we didn't communicate between households (SD knew that BM and I didn't really speak and DH barely spoke to her as well).

Anyway, we wanted SD to get the picture that we can and will communicate when necessarry so we added one another on FB. SD's behavior did mellow out after that and she was much more careful about what she said for quite some time. It has it's advantages in a way I suppose.

However, BM is no longer my friend on FB as I deleted her after seeing one too many innuendos posted about me. Besides, I tried to communicate with BM and be nice and keep the peace...told her Happy Birthday, Happy Mothers Day, Merry Christmas, etc...she NEVER did the same for me in return. When I sent important PM's about SD or visitation times, etc....NEVER replied to me either. Communiation isn't a one way street!

Be prepared though. Social networking (especially with the BM) can lead to drama and hurt feelings.

supermom89's picture

hurt feelings for her though right? For instance, we went on a family outing this past weekend with SD and I took several photos and posted, she liked all of them with SD in them of course but my feelings wont be hurt by anything she has to say on her page. As I said before she has never made a move on DH or hinted that she wishes to rekindle anything ( I have two kids with DH, so I think she knows theres no way to get me out of the way) but we will see I expected her to block or unfriend me by now (shes weird that way) but we've been FB friends for almost a month now. *SHRUGS*

supermom89's picture

ok now this is getting weird...BM just posted a new profile pic with the EXACT pose as me! is this intentional or coincidence??? Not a big deal but just funny and almost annoying!! I wish I hadn't accepted her friend request!

christinen's picture

It's intentional. BM and I are NOT friends on fb or in real life, but even people who are not your fb friends can still see your profile pic.. every time I change mine, she changes hers to try to top mine lol it's so childish

InNeedOfGuidance12's picture

Hell no! The first time BM let her crazy show I searched her on Facebook and blocked her. Blocked SS too. I'm very close to SD and when she's old enough to have Facebook she'll be blocked too. Crazy needs no more access to my life than she already has.

supermom89's picture

lmao I feel like she believes somewhere in that little mind of hers that she's even close to competing with me in some way. lol She is not considered competition she is just mimicking for attention

Just J's picture

Hey Supermom, I'm in California Smile

I would never be friends on FB with the BM, for the primary reason that we are not friends, and I am not the type of person who adds anyone with a computer to FB. I see people with 500+ friends and I think, there is no way they know all of those people! All of my FB friends are people I actually know, not just acquaintances.

The BM and her husband both sent friend requests to my DH when they joined FB. DH thought it would be funny to accept the husband but not BM. I didn't really want him to add either of them because I knew they just wanted to be nosy and also they ARE the "add everyone I've ever met" type. he eventually unfriended the husband, I forget why, but now he's definitely glad he did because he recently found out from his brother what mad shit the BM's husband talked about my DH. I don't want either of them knowing what is going on with us, they are just creepers, they never post anything and I don't like people like that on my FB. I have a steadfast rule when it comes to FB friends: never, under ANY circumstances should you add an ex-spouse or your boss. No good can come of either!

supermom89's picture

thanks but i guarantee once i unfriend that will produce some drama in some form. .BM has been FB friends with DH and he rarely posts but when we have SD I post pictures which is probably her excuse for friending me...

supermom89's picture

well currently there is no drama so should i wait for an incident or cut it out now ??

Step-Volgirl's picture

I'm "friends" with BM, but I've restricted what posts and pictures she can see. Not sure if she's aware of it and I'm sure I don't care. BM can see all photos of SD. She can see any general, day-to-day posts I make. Anything that involved our wedding was blocked. When we get pregnant, all of those posts & pictures will be restricted unless they include SD.