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SD 18 If SD Doesn't talk or have anything to do with us

Tired of being 2nd's picture

... I gave my SD a car last yEAR ... AFTER WE HAD A falling out .. Well it went to get inspected it failed ! So my hubby her dad ...has been financially repairing it . I feel that she has nothing to do with me . Nor really her father Only when car needs something or holiday/ I have mentioned this to my hubby .. that if i am good enough to be helping pay for the vehicle shouldn't she be visiting or AT LEAST ACTING LIKE SHE IS PART OF OUR FAMILY .. It is getting in the middle of our relationship ...

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

You cannot force an 18 year old to do anything. You cannot will her to do it, you cannot want it for her...there is nothing you can do. What you can control is how it affects your relationship. I personally would not let break down my marriage.

Tired of being 2nd's picture

I know it has been eating me up .. I aske dmy hubby ... are me and your daughter ok .. he says oh yeah nothing is wrong . Bullshit .. How can i control it .. when he ignores that it bothers me ... and he allows her to keep ignorning me ... but expect me to pay with him for the car ..

Redsonya's picture

Yep - my SD18 does the same thing. She actually came down for Christmas from college and didn't even tell her dad she would be here or see him for more than 3 minutes when he stopped by to drop off her Xmas gifts, which of course she accepted. This is after he paid for her move to college (on the condition that she take down all the nasty things she had posted on Facebook about he and I) and bought her a new laptop.

I tell DH all the time that we will hear from her as soon as she is ready to marry her loser boyfriend and needs money for the wedding. BM is penniless because she refuses to work full time and has raised the skids to believe that DH is responsiable for anything financial but they don't owe him even common decency. As long as he is fully contributing to our household, I couldn't care less if he wants to be dumb and give her some wedding money, but if he is behind, I promise she isn't getting a cent.

Get separate bank accounts and each pitch into the household a percentage based on income. That way if he wants to do something with the money that you don't agree with, it isn't a huge issue - as long as he is contributing.

Anon2009's picture

Your sd isn't the problem. Dh is. He's enabling her attitude and mindset by paying for the repairs. And I'm not trying to be mean, but I feel that you did to an extent too, by giving her the car after you had the falling out.

Tired of being 2nd's picture

that was on her fathers end .. I didn't want to give it to her . I wanted to sell it .. i honestly didn't think she could keep it .. because the registration came out of my name . but of course her mother reg it .. so I dont' know .. I am just sick of it .. i just don't want me and her dad's relationship but i am having anomosity towards him because of this .

Tired of being 2nd's picture

Thanks ... We already have seperate accts ... but he is taking it our of our bill acct . becaue his funds have dried up .. my thing is i gave her the car . it was just expected ... it went really ugly last year ... because i didn't let her have her way .. grad party .. my house my rules .. lol .... her dad has never told her no .. i think he has guilt because her nother was a loser ...she moved into my home when she was going into 7 th grade because we found out mom was in rehab ... in another state .. I have kept my self from her too .. because i don't trust her she wouldn't evengive me the respect to talk to me last year (grad party) .. I think that she just takes advantage of everyone .. And she can't of me .. because i dcall her out on it ...

Tired of being 2nd's picture

I feel that if We are good enough to help with the repairs . she should be aknowledging myself and him . I know that he just tries to keep the peace . And i know that he knows it bothers me because i tell him ... I guess i just got to stay taking care of me / and learn that it is out of my control and it's her loss .. My own children tell me don't worry mom ... She is selfish and is only for herself . I just don't like is she comes for Holiday gets presents / Car Repair / ETC,, I am grateful that she don't visit alot because it is uncomfortable because I don't know how to react in my own home ... Thanks

Tired of being 2nd's picture

Both .. She doesn't see him either except for Holidays / lately car repairs . she has been home from college for christmas break and we got one day christmas eve since then nothing at all .. Like i said in other blog . I am kind of glad she doesn't visit I can't hold my feelings I speak my mind And i think that is her issue i don't play and act like the world is always shining when she walks in ...I treat her with a hug and kindness . But that's about it . We have no relations Cordial hello ... and we move on I usually leave the room and stay out of what ever room she is in . because i feel she uses us . But it is my hubby i feel bad for . he is stuck in the middle / but he doesn't do anything or say anything I don't think ..

Orange County Ca's picture

End the bill account. This is what I did. I sat down and calculated every mandatory payment we made for a year as a couple. Food, utility, rent, insurances, etc etc.

I took her income and my income and calculated a percentage. I.e. she earned 30% of the total income, I earned 70% of the income. We then split the type of bill to be paid in the future. She buys all the food, gas, electric, gas for her car, etc and I paid the rest. So now when a bill comes in, say for gas, she pays it directly. Whatever money she has left over she spends as she wants. Same for me. When insurance bill comes in I pay it. I keep the rest of my income for me.

No argueing over money.