School Involvement? Or stay out of it?
So, my step-son was 10, almost 11 when his dad and I got married 6 years ago and I was around in his life for about 2 years before that. He has 3 older siblings from his dad and they are all from the same mother and my husband and I have 2 younger children. Step-son has lived with us mostly. I’ve never been hands on with regards to school and discipline. I’ve done a lot behind the scenes with school up until last year when my husband told me to not do anything with regards to step-son’s school. He barely passed to the next grade and I told myself I would be hands on this year. I told step-son this and that I would reward him for good grades since I can’t discipline for bad ones and he was all for it.
Went to meet the teacher night and tell step-son what he needs to work on and figure out with some of his classes. I tell him to get it done this week or I will have to contact the school myself (for a schedule change). He is staying with his mom this week and I dropped him off after taking him, my 2 little ones and his older sister to the movies and when he got out of the car, he seemed annoyed.
His mom called me and told me, as politely as possible for her, to essentially f*** off. She said to let her be mom and she will worry about his school stuff. She said she hasn’t been getting emails and doesn’t know why she can’t log in to her account to check on his grades and that I should have told her about meet the teacher night. I explained to her that she can be mom, of course and that I saw the info for meet the teacher on the school website and it was a last minute thing that I even went. (My husband would have gone as well but wasn’t feeling good.)
I told her about wanting to help him with ensuring he passes this year and she said he will do that and I don’t have to worry about it but I told her I will still do what I can to help. His mom and my husband are not very proactive when it comes to school and I feel like if I don’t pay attention to his grades and get onto him about missing assignments, then no one will. I feel that the mom feels threatened and like I undermined her by going to meet the teacher but she didn’t, but if she doesn’t want to take any initiative, why should that keep me from doing so?
Step-son called my husband and told him that he doesn’t want me to do anything with his school and to let his mom do it all and that I’m not his mom so I shouldn’t do anything with school. It hurt because that’s the first of the 4 to say “she’s not my mom”. Husband told step-son that if I want to be involved I will be...do I continue to push to keep an eye on step-son’s school and bring up missing assignments, try to figure out tutoring, ask about homework? Or do I leave it alone and let his mom handle it, even if she doesn’t end up doing anything to help and risk him failing this year?