Hi everyone,

So happy to have found this sounding board.  I have been reassured reading so many your posts and blogs, feeling that I am not alone as a stepmom with conflicting feelings about my SD (age 16), exacerbated by this current health crisis we're all suffering through.

By way of background:  My husband and I have been married for almost ten years.  My own bio kids are grown and out, I am a grandmother, and I recently retired from my job (at age 60).  When we first married and SD was six years old, BM and DH had 50/50 custody.   I expected (since this was a legal arrangement) that this would continue until SD went to college.  Over the past few years, however, SD has grown to REALLY dislike her mother (partly due to teenage stuff, partly due to mother's weed habit and general unpleasantness); consequently, SD is now with us about 80% of the time.  DH continues to pay substantial child support and refuses to get it modified, because he hates conflict and admits he is "afraid" of his ex-wife.  This has been really tough for me, particularly, since DH works and it is only me and SD in the house most of the time.

SD is a good kid basically, but quite needy for attention/affection...and since the school shutdown due to Covid-19 (which I just found out has been extended through the rest of this school year, aaaaaaaaaargh), I am getting increasingly resentful with her constant presence.  She is a bright girl, inquisitive and chatty, but very high maintenance.  She finishes her online school assignments in record time (gets A's on everything), leaving her lots of free time to follow me around the house, ask what I'm doing, complain about being hungry/bored, etc..  If I do go out to the grocery store or anywhere without her, she will call or text me and ask where I am and why didn't I take her? At the prospect of the next four months of this until September rolls around, I am depressed and upset.  Truly, I just want to run away -- but unfortunately, there is nowhere to run to now, as the country is still largely shut down, and my family live in another state.  I struggle with my lack of love for SD (I am always kind to her and show affection, but something is missing....) I can't reveal these feelings about SD to my husband, as it would hurt him terribly.  

As to the specific point of this post:  I need some feedback here.  BM's husband works at a local nursing home.  He has a general custodial position there.  As I'm sure you've seen in the news, they are now realizing that nursing homes are breeding grounds for this virus, and this particular one is no different.  There has only been one reported death, but several infections....hard to say for sure, since his nursing home is not being candid about the extent of it.  The "back and forth" of visitation had been continuing per usual up until last week, when I found out about the nursing home death and possible exposure to SD while she was at their home.  I put my foot down and told DH it was crazy to allow her to possibly infect us, even if she's asymptomatic, due to her living with them during this time.  She hasn't been with us for ten days, but tomorrow is coming back to our home.  I have been assured she is healthy and fever-free, and I will insist she wash her clothes and take off shoes immediately upon entering, etc. but I am extremely upset and worried about my own health, given my age.  DH thinks I'm overreacting and making an excuse not to want her here.  I should add that testing for the virus is not happening in my state without a doctor's orders and concerning symptoms.  

Would appreciate any insight/feedback/wisdom here.  Thanks in advance :)