My situation is definitely CRAZEEEE

Thank you for telling me I am not!

I feel like I might be going nuts, though.
I am 45 and staring down the barrel of another move.
Boxes, Moving truck, Deposits, Applications, UGH

The last boyfriend I lived with left a mess, the account got sent to collections, and I was not taken off the lease when I moved out before him.

My fault, My lesson...

I have recently learned my dad has prostate cancer and I am seriously considering moving back to my home state. I don't want to leave where I live now(WA- I LOVE IT HERE!) but feel like if I don't connect with some family, even if it's my mostly dysfunctional family, I will go completely mad. I've been trying to build a family with current SO for 6+ years and it's not working.
I may have a serious problem that I have not been willing to address(but I am not ready to say YES< its all me! )
My son (23) lives on his own and doesn't really communicate with me. Not out of meanness or any falling out(that I know of) he just likes to be left alone.

I feel like I'm sinking and that if I don't yell a lot louder, I may drown. I do sometimes wonder if people can hear me but choose to not reach out.
I feel so ... unworthy ... in this relationship and overall.
I know it's all the putdowns and being told that I am the wrong one, but man, it's starting to wear on me