Rules around the house
So this is how the story goes. I am a rather clean person, I was brought up that if I used dishes, I cleaned them after. If I made a mess in the kitchen, I cleaned it away. If I left rubbish out I would put it in the bin.
This carried onto my adult life, and my ex husband was military so he was also very clean and tidy.
Now everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and my new partner as admitted he is lazy around the house. Bless his heart, he does attempt to do some cleaning, but someone he will start the washing up, get distracted and only do half of it. My partner and his ex wives marriage broke down due to bickering and loaning. So for me, rather then loaning at him, I pretty much crack on and just do it myself. As more then likely he won't do it to my standard anyway. (Sorry OCD kicking in).
Currently both my partner and I, are in the process of selling our houses. To come together and buy a house together.
so I moved into his house while mine is occupied. Now when I moved into his house, it was a lad pad and had not been loved. The toilet was literally black. I have moved in, given it some love.
It's a 3 bed house, and the kids were either sharing bed with him, or sleeping in the middle room that had a double bed in. The house was no way kid friendly. So I sorted the spare rooms out, got bunk beds, toy boxes, decorated and made the home more like a home for us and the kids.
So the current situation is - this is my partners house. He has been used to living like a lad, and when the kids come; they are beautiful children and well mannered. But they are just like their dad....... messy!!!!!!
Often I come home, and find one trainer at the door, one on the kitchen side (how I don't know). They leave sweet wrappers on the sofa, cereal bowls on the side with spilt milk on the sides, the milk is always left out, dirty clothes in the most random places (down the back of the sofa).
My partner hasn't really had nice things at the house, it was all old gifted bits from when he first separated from his ex. Where as my belongings were supposed to be "forever home" bits from my precious marriage.
At the moment, the kids often make mess, break things (just from playing). But my partner is laid back, and accidents happen. My thought process is, it's not my house, they are not my kids to talk too. So if they want to trash and break the items, it's not my house. I have spoken to my partner and said they do need to start cleaning up after themselves a bit. But I also mentioned this about my partner as well (he needs to get the cleaning gloves on too).
I have a beautiful oak desk, that the kids were doing a lovely drawing on (with sharpies (don't ask why)) which came though the paper and was all over the oak desk. It was an accident and at least they were doing it at a table not on the sofa. However it did ruin a very expensive desk. Inside I was crying but outside I cleaned it with partner. There has been a few instances where the kids, are kids but do not really have respect for my belongings. Like kicking a football in the living room at the TV.
Reality is starting to kick in; that soon we could be purchasing our own home. That it will matter if they carry on like this.
I don't know how to approach this with my partner, as I love excel spreadsheets at work. Do I make it a joke rota for him and I to share the cleaning responsibilities? Do I make a pocket money chart for the kids for cleaning responsibilities?
We are 2 years in, and I want to address this before we move into OUR home to make sure the boundaries are set?
HELP! It's all so new to me, I don't want to be moaning and kids are kids. But in our new home, I want to be proud of the house, and my partner openly admitted he was embarrassed of his house, but no one visited so it didn't really matter. Plus the kids situation on top of this. He kids are wonderful, there one fault is there lack of respect for belongings and mess.
we often buy them new things for birthdays, Christmas etc, and they either break it, or lose it. How do I install some kind of ownership but keeping it light and not bossy???
any suggestions would be very much appreciated! I don't want it to be an issue, so want to approach it in the best way!