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Is this rude? I’m pretty mad right now and need advice.

Bearhugs33's picture

Hi everyone. I will go straight to the point. My boyfriend's license was suspended because he has been pulled over by the police for drinking. But that was months ago and he hasn't bother to pay the fees to get his license back because he doesn't have a car either and we have both always used my car. Since he has two children, I've let him borrow my car to go see them and to do other important stuff. I have been telling him to get his license back and he just doesn't. I know it's stupid of me to get him drive, and that's why I put a stop to this. Since I don't want to put myself at risk I told him from now on I was going to drive him if he needed to go anywhere and not let him drive my car alone until he had his license back. 

Everything seemed okay at first, but on Friday my boyfriend told me in the evenings that his 19 year old son was on his way to our house. He said: "Since now I don't have a way of going to see my kids, they're going to have to come here. I'm just letting you know". 
But his son didn't just come for the evening, he stayed over for the weekend because he came with his backpack. What really bothers me is that my parents bought me a brand new couch about a month ago because we didn't had one before. The couch is not very big and it's white, so you need to take good care of it so it won't get any stains.  So my boyfriend put his son to sleep in the new sofa, as if I don't exist without even telling me since there isn't a room for him. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but it bothers me. My boyfriend might see it as normal because that's his son, his blood. But to me, he's a complete stranger sleeping on my new couch. Do I have to be okay with it? I take care of my stuff and couches are not beds.

So I feel like my boyfriend is being a jerk because I said I was not going to let him drive my car anymore until he gets his license back. Does that mean I'm going to have to deal with his kids coming and sleeping over as he pleases? Should his kids sleep over? His son is 19 and his daughter 17. He told me that before he started dating his kids will always be with him. Oh lord!!!  Should I be mad and what can I do? Is him not having a car a reason for his kids to stay over or should he work something out to go see them and take them somewhere? 

Gimlet's picture

How old is this guy?? 

Let's review:

*He doesn't have his own car.

*He lost his license because he chose to drink and drive (an incredibly selfish and preventable act, by the way).

*He hasn't bothered to get his license back. I would also assume that his DUI wasn't cheap.

*He feels entitled to drive your car without a license, even after he was driving your car while drinking (it was your car, right?).

*He lives in your home and he feels entitled to have his son come for the weekend (and saying that he has no way to see his kids is ALL ON HIM, do not allow him to displace the responsbility for that on you) and doesn't even bother asking you?

And it seems that he's rude to your father.

What would he do to see his kids if he wasn't living with you?  I'd bet he wasn't much of a provider before he met you either.  Did he not have a place where his kids had a room? 

Tell me again why you haven't kicked him out?

notarelative's picture

Echoing Gimlet and adding: Do not under any circumstances let the unlicensed boyfriend drive your car. Your car insurance most likely will not cover when you knowingly lend your car to unlicensed drivers. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You are asking the wrong question. You should be asking if your SO is continually taking advantage of you. The answer to that, as well as your questions, is yes. Your So is rude and does take advantage of you in many ways. Quit letting him drive your car and quit driving him places and have him move out in 30 days. Then see if he still wants to date you. Then you will know if he wants to see you because he cares about you or because he wants to take advantage of you.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why are you wasting your time on this low rent pos man? There are over seven billion people on this planet, so I know for a fact you can do much better than this loser. 

Don't continue to be a willing victim of this user. You have all the power, so just tell him this isn't working for you and he needs to leave.

Harry's picture

You have the perfect BF.  Who doesn't care about you,  It's all about him.  If BF could figure out how to drink, how to get a DWI.  He can figure out how to see his kids by himself.   And not having his kids destroy your home.  Maybe, just maybe it's time for a new BF.  

Bearhugs33's picture

Thank you!

i just wanted to know if I was right to think he's rude. I mean, if he pretends to make my couch a sleeping bed for his grown up kids, I don't think that's right. And what's worst is that he didn't even bother to ask me first. 

justmakingthebest's picture

This "man" has 0 respect for you. He has nothing to offer you in life. Kick him to the curb! 

Merry's picture

I think it's so telling that you are questioning if his behavior is rude, when all of us reading your story see it so clearly as worse than rude. If a girlfriend came to you with the same scenario, what would you tell her?

You deserve better. Believe that and act on that. Losing yourself to his wants while he ignores yours is no way to live.

Winterglow's picture

 "Since now I don't have a way of going to see my kids, they're going to have to come here. I'm just letting you know"

"I BEG your pardon!!? You will NOT "just let me know, you will damn well ask me if I mind and nobody, but NOBODY is going to sleep on my brand new couch!"

Whose home is it OP? If it's yours, kick him out - he's lazy, he's entitled, he's a drunk, he's inconsiderate, he's self-centred. What do you see in him? If it's his, then take your couch and leave. Don't put up with this crap. Did he at least pay for the meals his so consumed?

How far away do his kids live? Why can't he get a bus? Or eat out with them - he can walk, can't he?