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Religious differences

Irene H.'s picture

We are navigating some dicey waters in our house.

The Skids were raised in church, throughout elementary school. Since the divorce, she’s begun dating women, so I can see why she stopped attending; a lot of churches are unwelcoming. But the Skids are using that as a reason to reject God altogether.

I’m a Christian. Last week, I was gifted with a nice cross to hang on the wall. It seems to have triggered something, because even though the Skids knew I was Christian before they saw that cross on the wall, they’ve since become openly hostile toward my faith.

They’ve begun taking the Lord’s name in vain, loudly and pointedly. When corrected on anything, they start with a wheedling voice saying things like, “Christians don’t act that way,” and “that’s not a Christian thing to do.” For the record, I’ve never done anything other than answer questions about my faith; I don’t push it on them at all.

We had an epic showdown with SD on Friday night. She wanted to watch a couple movies about summoning demons and demonic possession. I  took her dad aside and told him I didn’t want that kind of thing in the house. He hadn’t realized what the movies she wanted to watch were about, so when I told him, he made her shut them off. She hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t really care about that; I want to get along with them, but not at all costs. But combined with the other stuff, I feel a little at a crossroads.

I want to be respectful of their feelings, and I get it if their mom’s lifestyle makes it harder for them to embrace religion. Also, I’ve never believed in forcing my faith on anyone, largely because you’re more likely to drive people away that way. But even doing my best to be unintrusive, I won’t let certain things go on in my house. I have their dad’s support. How do we keep the Skids from going on the offensive over our faith?

fourbrats's picture

one to comment because I don't believe in general censorship. I would let said child watch what she wanted (unless it is porn) as long as no one else was forced to watch it. So a device in her own area or a family room. I also let my kids listen to and read what they want. It has worked for 23 years so I don't see it failing now. I wouldn't restrict them to what you find acceptable based on your faith. It isn't their faith. 

Now, given the above I would tell the kids that you will absolutely not force them to attend church, read religious materials, etc and are open to them exploring other faiths as long as they do not debate Christianity in a rude way or make comments about general items in the home. 

Irene H.'s picture

I hear what you’re saying, but I believe showing an interest in satanism/demons can invite things into your home/life that you don’t want there. If SD were the only one potentially affected by her actions, I’d just warn her and leave her to make her own decision. But she’s not the only one inhabiting this space, and I don’t her opening that door, for all of us.

fourbrats's picture

which you do realize is fiction correct? A movie, with her headphones on in her own space. Do you also take books from her? What if she were to decide to pursue Satanism as a religion? Or Wicca? 

I think you are putting a lot of stock on their mom being a lesbian as the root of these issues when in reality I would say that dad and SM trying to force religion and religious beliefs while claiming not to force religion is the actual issue. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Hey, Irene. As a fellow Christian I couldn’t agree with you more. 

If BM wants to allow them to explore the occult at her home, bravo.

If something offends or assaults your belief system, you as an adult are well within your rights to set limits in your OWN home. 

Whether Christian, Jew, Muslim, Mormon, or Hindu,  in your own home, you are well within your rights to set limits on what u will allow. You don’t expect them to believe as you do, but they should certainly show respect.

You and I know that entertaining elements in our homes that celebrate evil, hate or violence can have a negative impact on our hearts, attitudes and thoughts. 

I would also not be okay with occult films being watched in my home or open disrespect for my faith. Are all my friends Christian? Nope. But I wouldn’t be okay with my Wiccan friends casting spells in my house however well intentioned. 

Neither would I go to a Muslim friends house and demand to cook bacon.

Teenagers are buttheads. Stepchildren are even bigger buttheads. They are doing all this to antagonize you. It is personal. You need to talk to your husband and talk about limits and how his kids may distance themselves if you stand your ground.

Please pray to not worry about their opinion of you and your faith. Their opinions don’t matter so stand strong, practice your faith, protect your home, and maybe even have some of your friends come pray over your home - you are under attack.

 

 

momjeans's picture

I hear what you’re saying, but I believe showing an interest in satanism/demons can invite things into your home/life that you don’t want there. 

I like to watch true crime shows and documentaries. That doesn’t mean I have an interest in incorporating crime into my life.

Do you realize how ridiculous and fragile your comment sounds? 

Survivingstephell's picture

I think the skids are testing you and their father on this topic.  It can't be easy to watch mom do what she did and not have some deep confusion about life.  Has anyone considered taking them to talk to a Priest/Pastor about this?  

I can say that when DH got divorced from BM, she used religion as a weapon to alientate the skids.  One of many that she used btw.  

I do think that DH needs to put a boundary of respect for you in place now.   If they don't want to  respect your faith life, then I really don't think they need to celebrate Christmas.  Why encourage them to be hypocrites???  This could be a really good teaching moment for them if DH takes the time to thoughfully consider what needs to be said and done about it.  It could backfire on them this year and one year without a Christmas would not kill them.  It would definetly give them something to think about  Just remember that the adults in your home should be the leaders and rule the house.  Kids don't get a say in making the rules until they pay for everything and live on thier own.  Your house, your rules.  

futurobrillante99's picture

Excellent idea!! No Christmas for them. Despite its pagan origins, for you, it is a religious holiday in your home and you don’t wish to force your beliefs on them!! Lol

Notup4it's picture

They can believe what they wish, but this is a life lesson for them to be tolerant of all religions and to have respect for opinions other than their own.

Your DH needs to approach it as being about respect and not about religion. And to show respect for your home and your rules and you as an adult they aren’t allowed to mock you. 

Also if dad is Christian than perhaps it is a good idea if they attend church as well- they have the right to decide what they want as adults but they should be able to have informed choices.

Also, there are lots of churches that do welcome everyone of all sexual orientations.

caitlinj's picture

My experience is religion being forced on others only causes problems. It's best if kids are allowed to choose their own religion and decide for themselves once they get older and become adults. This is coming from someone whose parents tried to force religion on her and I not only rebeled against it but grew to resent my parents for it. There are plenty of ways to teach them tolerance and respect without forcing them to go.

Irene H.'s picture

I too experienced a mom who tried to force her religion on me, and it messed up my relationship with God for a long time. I’m not trying to force anyone in any way; I know firsthand that has the opposite, of the desired affect. I just want to practice my own religion in my own home, without them being jerks about it. I also won’t allow Satanism or anything that celebrates it, in my home. That’s a far cry from forcing my beliefs on them.

tog redux's picture

How is that not forcing your beliefs on them? Seems like that's exactly what it is.

Do you have the right, as an adult in your home to do so? Of course. But it's still forcing your beliefs on them.

still learning's picture

Put goats blood around your door and let her watch what she wants in her room. Spritz holy water on her whenever she gets out of line.  For the record all teenagers are borderline demonic!  

Merrywey's picture

burn some sage after she watches these movies.  I think u might be just a touch intolerant & the kids are picking up on that,

tog redux's picture

Agreed. OP, if you believe watching certain movies brings evil spirits, you are more rigid and intolerant than you think you are, because that just sounds silly to non-believers. 

That being said, your DH can tell his kid what she can watch in house - but don’t be surprised if you take the blame for it. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Who cares what skid wants? She’s a child.

I as a homeowner won’t allow any movies that promote racism, misogyny, child abuse, OR satanic/occult etc., in my home/refuge/safe haven.

Doesnt matter who thinks it is stupid. The people who pay the bills are entitled to limit the things that offend them.

Tell a Jew that observing the sabbath and having 2 sets of appliances, dishes, utensils for dairy and meat is stupid. 

Tell a Muslim that eating Halal and praying 5 times a day is stupid.

Tell a Buddhist that being a vegetarian and non violant is stupid. 

Real evil exists in this world. Maybe some of us have seen enough of it to want it to not cross our thresholds.

 

tog redux's picture

Insisting that everyone in your home buy into your religious beliefs is intolerant and rigid. Just what I said.

futurobrillante99's picture

Where you took a wrong turn is assuming anyone expects buy in. Respect is different from buy in.

momjeans's picture

Oh, c’mon. Let’s call it what it is.

OP wants respect in her home in the biblical sense of respect/honor your parents. 

Irene H.'s picture

Actually, no I don’t. I’m not their parent. For the record, they treat their parents far worse than they do me, I think because I won’t put up with it. But I’m not seeking some kind of biblical parental respect. I (a)don’t want to be taunted for my faith, and (b)won’t allow Satanic materials in my home. Neither one of those things comes close to expecting them to honor me, as a parent.

momjeans's picture

But, how are you showing them that you “won’t put up with it”? By engaging in hushed conversations with him, then having him be the “Irene said...” enforcer? Of course these children are going to find humor and mockery in this. 

 

tog redux's picture

Where does that end? Do they have to pray before dinner, too, so they are respectful of her? She seems to believe she follows the Bible, so do they have to do that too? If they are atheists, will they bring a pox on their home or some such thing? Why is it just this ONE area that's OK to force on them?

They are not her kids. Their religious development is not her concern, nor should they have to follow her religion. Now, they are kids, so the adults can drop the hammer - but I hope she won't be surprised if her skids hate her.

Jcksjj's picture

Should she force them to pray? Absolutley not. Can they sit there quietly for a minute while she prays? Yes. I mean, that's what I do when I go to my grandparents house. But do they ask us all to pray when they come to my house and eat? Nope. I can completely see why the kids are annoyed by it, it is annoying to deal with that stuff when you dont believe in it. But I still think shes within her rights with the things shes asked. I have a suspicion that she does want them to be religious also, which is where I think you're going with your responses. I havent actually seen her say anything that indicates that though, I just dont know anyone personally who is super religious that doesnt get upset or worried that others dont believe.

tog redux's picture

I think bio parents have a right to establish religious rituals in their home,  such as praying before dinner.  I do not think stepparents have the right to do so, they aren't the parent of the children. If she herself wants to pray quietly before dinner, that's her business, but insisting the kids do something like that would be out of line.

The movies are a gray area, because they may or may not be appropriate for a kid that age regardless of religious concerns.

momjeans's picture

But do they ask us all to pray when they come to my house and eat? Nope.

You’ve obviously never met my religious inlaws. 

If I were to sit down to a meal in their home, I’d sit there in silence while they prayed. Maybe close my eyes, but that’s a big maybe.

They tried their darnedest to assert their beliefs in my house in the beginning, and I semi-willingly allowed it, until  I caught on to what horrible family values they try to push.

With that said, they no longer pray out loud in my house, or at my table by holding hands. If my MIL wants to sit for hot a second with her eyes closed and that smug I’m better than y’all smile on her face, like she does in restaurants, by all means she can. 

I used to engage in public handholding prayer in restaurants with them and it always felt icky and so showy. My inlaws got their jollies when others noticed and voiced their admiration for praying in public, too. Still do.

Yeah, no more.

Jcksjj's picture

Oh I definitely wasnt saying that no one would ever do that. "Religion for show" is something I cant stand and I deal with personally with my mom. She insists on telling people I'm religious when she knows I'm not and cant fully accept that my SIL is Muslim and that her grandson is being raised Muslim. Even tried to give him bacon and then pretended to be confused about why he couldn't have it. Cares way too much about her image at her church. I have major issues with that type of thing. I dont have issues with people who are more like my grandparents who are strongly religious but are more concerned about my SIL feeling comfortable with our family then how it makes them look to outsiders and dont try to change her religion even passive aggressively. So for them I have no problem sitting quietly while they pray when I'm at their home because I know they will give that same respect to other people and their religions in other situations even if they wouldn't actually participate themselves.

Irene H.'s picture

How did we get onto praying, or any of the other things in this thread that aren’t indicated, in any way, by anything in my post? 

momjeans's picture

Because someone posed the question to you “What’s next? Forced prayer at the dinner table?”

Mominit's picture

Only when it comes to religion do I see people saying you have no right to set house rules.  Some folks believe children should be allowed to drop the F bomb any time they want.  Others say, only when not being directed AT someone.  And others, never in my presence, but I understand they'll do so when they're older, or when they're out of site.  But most people agree that house rules are house rules, and that children don't get to set them.

Your house rules involve language, and respect.  You and DH are on the same page, so no....the children don't get to decide your rules are "stupid" and ignore them just because they're allowed to take the Lord's name in vain at BMs house or school or where ever.  In your house, that language is not used.  

I also agree that tolerance of religion should be learned at a young age.  You're not asking them to go to church (although DH would not be wrong to raise his children in the way he planned, with an effort to ensure he's teaching love, and not judgment of BM).  But you and DH agree that certain subject matters do not enter your home.  Summoning demons and the like are your line in the sand.  Other parents draw the line at too much foul language, or some nudity.  There is a whole internet full of people who don't allow Disney movies because they don't show strong female characters, or allow goods from certain stores because of their ethical practices toward women or children.  You've made a house rule and when they move out they have the freedom an adult has.  The fact that you believe that watching a movie about summoning demons invites risk to your house, is no more laughable than people who believe that burning herbs cleanses evil from a home.  

For now the children are subject to the rules of the adults in their home.  They don't get to make the rules.  That's how we get so any spoiled CODs.  If they rebel when they're older, they won't be the first teens to find ANY rules made by a parent to be "stupid".

futurobrillante99's picture

Love your post. 

My adult kids are atheist, agnostic and Christian. 

I don’t preach to the non Christians but you bet your butt that in my home, my faith is not assaulted or offended. Their beliefs are also respected and I do not try to change their minds. 

Spirited debate is welcome but is not allowed to cross over into name calling or nasty comments that insult the intelligence of another person.

momjeans's picture

Symptoms of Biblical Adherence Disorder Syndrome include: black and white thinking; loving the sinner but hating the sin; an inability to see other people’s points of view; private shame and public shaming; delusions of heaven; delusions of hell; a need to always be right; having conversations in your head with God; substituting the word God for I when demanding people respect your opinion; cognitive dissonance and intellectual dishonesty; magical thinking; controlling your loved ones; disbelief in scientific facts; and a strong justification for self-absorbed selfish behavior because, you know, God.

Saying “I don’t watch/listen to/read non-Christian media because what comes in is what comes out.” = “My faith is more fragile than I’m willing to admit and if I slip a tiny bit, the whole thing will come crumbling down and I’m scared of what’s on the other side.”

Irene H.'s picture

You don’t get it at all, and that’s OK. You’re not required to believe what I believe. God gave us all the ability to choose, knowing some people wouldn’t choose Him.

But I do have a right to have my faith respected in my own home, and I am not required to allow things in my home which I believe open my home to anything I think presents a risk.

Believing in God and the Bible means I also believe Satan is real as well. I’m not required to invite him into my home because a 13 year old says so, and that is not the same thing as requiring her to believe as I do. If I said nudity or profanity were a problem, would you react the same way? 

By insulting me (implying I have a disorder), and projecting things onto me which I did not say, you are illuminating YOUR intolerance, not mine.

momjeans's picture

I wasn’t implying that you have a disorder; how something stated on the internet affects you - is on you. Differences of opinion is not some sort of spiritual warfare, it’s simply a difference of opinion. With that said, your response is not surprising, because persecution complex is so heavily ingrained in your beliefs.

momjeans's picture

No, I get it. I let my flavor of religion years ago. I totally get it. But, by all means go on with your assumptions.

futurobrillante99's picture

Irene - no one has to get it. We are not weak because we choose to close the front door on influences that assault our beliefs.

Remember that ours is not meant to be an easy path. Attacking and mocking Christians has been A ok for a long time. Cool. Let it roll off your back.

And talking about it on the Internet is like wearing a KICK ME sign.

Its normal and to be expected. Let it go. Message me if you feel ganged up on and want to talk  ((Hugs))

 

momjeans's picture

No one is trying to take your personal beliefs from you, futuro. Your self-inflicted discomfort is on you. Yes, perhaps it would be best to move this conversation to a private setting, since your emotions are heavily tied to your beliefs. 

No ideology or dogmatic philosophy is above criticism. Intolerance and hypocrisy should be pointed out wherever it is found. Always.

Irene H.'s picture

I was just asking a simple question about how to handle a situation in the least damaging way. And all I’m getting is crap. To me it’s the same as BM enforcing a different bedtime/curfew than we do, or not making them do chores like we do.  But all these people want to have an argument based on whether they (the respondents, not the Skids) value my faith or not. It’s inappropriate and disappointing, to say the least.

momjeans's picture

No, it’s not the same. Curfews, and pulling dad aside, demanding his heathens not watch certain TV shows/movies, or mock your choice in home decor is not the same. 

If you expect everyone you encounter in life, and this includes random people on the internet, to “value” your beliefs, then yeah, you’re probably going to be “disappointed,” like you pointed out.

Major Blunder's picture

Ok couldn't let this slip by, the entire first paragraph , your "diagnosis" comes from a site that finds most if not all COG communities to be dangerous or even just wacky. There is no such diagnosis only the ramblings of another internet know it all. As for not letting in certain elements, it's not their faith that is fragile, life is fragile and evil has a way of finding itself into your life in many ways.

Also it's her house, religious beliefs aside if she doesn't want that stuff in "her house" then it doesn't belong there.

 

 

Mominit's picture

Black and White thinking - also called conviction - the willingness to believe in something regardless of convenience is not a "disorder" or "syndrome" - Murder is wrong, Kindness is preferered, Adults set house rules, children do not

Loving the sinner but hating the sin - the willingness to be kind or loving is not a disorder - I understand that people get hooked on drugs, that does not make them bad, it means they're in a rough spot.  Kids act out - I love them, but not their behaviour.  This is an example of poor behaviour to you?

Delusions of heaven/hell/talking to God - This is what many religions call faith.  You call it "delusions" - who is now showing a demand that people respect your opinion above all others?

Disbelief in scientific fact - As a lettered scientist and a person of faith, I can assure you that they do not contradict each other.  I do not have to sacrifice my knowledge to have faith.

I don't watch movies that glorify rape or violence - not because my "faith is weak" as you like to mock, but because it is strong.  I will not support them with my time, or money.  And because when you surround yourself with an environment it WILL impact you.  Read the Native American story about two wolves. The winner is always the one you feed.

And at the end - OP wasn't asking for opinions on her faith, or whether we think it's of any value.  She was asking a parenting question about what you do when children don't like the house rules (such as not swearing).  

futurobrillante99's picture

Love your post. A lot of people have been hurt by religion and church people. I have, too, so I understand the often visceral reaction to “religious people.”

I don’t believe in religion - my relationship is with my God. I don’t do religion.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Disengage from those horrible demonspawn. Only tell your husband of their disrespect, rudeness and have him discipline them. Put your decor somewhere safe where the demonspawn can’t “accidentally” break them.

Also, some Christians are tolerant of gays and lesbians.

futurobrillante99's picture

One of my best friends is a tattoo wearing, God fearing, conservative lesbian. Known her since high school.

I love when people try to pigeon hole her as a liberal - and their minds explode when they find out she’s a Christian conservative. Lolol

momjeans's picture

This is no different than saying I’m not racist, because I have black friends.

But, please, go on...

notasm3's picture

No it’s not. She was giving an example of a person she knows. She was not claiming to be tolerant of something because of her friend. 

momjeans's picture

I beg to differ. It’s an attempt to link one's physical appearance to behavior/morals.

Irene H.'s picture

I don’t think anyone said anything of the sort. She was trying to articulate a point about gay people not fitting a stereotype, and some Christian groups accepting them. There wasn’t anything bigoted about it. I’m lost as to where you got that.

futurobrillante99's picture

It doesn’t bother me, Irene. I’m used to running up against the exact type of arguments made in this very thread. If it goes much longer, Godwin’s Law will occur and someone will be called Hitler. LMAO

It doesn’t bother me because I’ve known too many people who have been hurt by churches and religious people. Sadly, they will pin on most Christians a stereotype that reflects their unpleasant experiences in the past.

I’m not their stereotype. I don’t fit into any neat set of characteristics.

i have more than one gay friend. I have pagan friends. I have Jewish friends. I have friends of all colors and nationalities. And I have friends of all political and religious leanings. 

And the reason we are friends is we would never DREAM of treating each other so disrespectfully as to call another person’s values or beliefs ridiculous. We would never label each other as pushing their faith onto others when asking for simple respect for their beliefs in their homes.

I would never refer to any of them as misgided or fragile because they take their beliefs seriously. 

I love my friends and being invited into their homes is an honor. And I demonstrate my appreciation for that honor by respecting their values and beliefs while in their homes and never imposing my beliefs on them.

Hang in there and let it roll off your back.

 

 

 

Jcksjj's picture

I'm going to preface this by saying that I am not religious and to be honest I think your beliefs are ridiculous, so I'm definitely not siding with you because I share a Christian point of view. However I think being tolerant to others beliefs is important. Not necessarily accommodating them in every situation, but since this is happening in your home you can make the rules regarding what does and doesnt make you comfortable as long as you're not infringing on any of their rights.

I dont think your stepkids have the right to be blatantly disrespectful to you based on religious. The snarky comments are rude and inappropriate for any topic or reason. I think it's fairly typical teen behavior but that doesnt make it appropriate and it needs to be corrected.

I do think you are within your rights to ask them not to use the Lords name in vain in your house, I dont think you have the right to tell them to never use it or to lecture them on using it (I dont know that you do, just saying). But you can tell them that language makes me uncomfortable please dont use it in my home. Same with the movies. I personally think its ridiculous but again it's your home and if it makes you uncomfortable they can watch it somewhere else. Like moms house. Or a friends house. Or when they turn 18 and move out. It's not hurting them to not be able to watch their movies, but it does bother you and you are the adult. Its not any different than a parent saying no to watching a Rated R movie (which they probably are anyway). 

Does your husband share your religious views? To me the bottom line is that you can ask your views to be respected in your own home but it needs to be coming from that point of view and not any attempt or hope that they will follow your religious beliefs. Again I dont know that you are doing that, but it seems to be a common thing that religious people have trouble accepting when others are not (my family is like this) so I'm just throwing that out there.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I think it's fully reasonable for you to set this standard. My Dh and I set limits for the skids and what is and is not allows in our home. We're not smashing their choices, we don't force religion on them, but we have things we don't tolerate from them. Disrespect, swearing from them (bad habit to start now), etc. We don't allow them to watch certain movies and we have a rule that for now, they have to remain on kid's YouTube.

Ultimately it's your home. So long as you're beling tolerant of their beliefs, I think it's fully reasonable for you to keep those things from your home. For me those movies aren't religious based, they're just horror movies, but if you have a strong belief against them, then I don't see why they shiould be in your home. This isn't a religious issue in my eyes, but instead it's a household rule. I think that your DH should enforce and that religion needs to be taken fully out of this one. If it's simply something not allowe din the home, regardless of reason, then it's a household rule, not a religious rule.

I do think all your skids could use a lesson on religious tolerance though. Have your DH handle that and have a set consequence. Regardless of their beliefs, you shouldn't mock others for theirs.

Major Blunder's picture

It always is both saddening and upsetting to me when others attack a person of Faith, we knew it would happen, we were told it would happen but still it is upsetting.

The really sad part is that this wasn’t about Faith, this was about house rules and not giving in to what Skids want. The entire situation could be reworded from a Vegetarian whose Skid wanted to eat meat in their house or a Fitness Enthusiast whose Skid wanted to eat junk food and smoke in their house, the attackers here totally missed the point of the bloggers problem or actually over looked it to take the chance to poke at someone they deemed below them due to their beliefs, and that again is sad.

I realize this is an open forum but one can make the choice not to speak as well, what did you accomplish except to be rude and disrespectful to another human being, way to go, you’re the best, feel proud for stomping on someone today, hope that made your day a better one.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

When I was growing up scary / horror movies were banned from our home. My parents had every right to do it because of whatever reason they want. As an adult you have every right to control the content viewed in your home. You don’t have to go into a religious rant about it and can just leave it at “I don’t feel those movies are appropriate and they are not allowed in my home.”

And believe me I’m far from religious and find your reason for banning them to be “odd” to put it kindly but that doesn’t mean you don’t have that right. My parents’ reason for banning these movies was very odd but they were allowed.

I think all of this is getting twisted because of the focus on religion.

Demanding they not “take the Lord’s name in vain” isn’t forcing you’re religion. It’s setting barriers on what is and isn’t appropriate language. Getting onto them for back talk “When corrected they start with wheedling voices……” again not wrong. Having limits on what media content is in your home? Really people are saying you can't do this?

Really all of these things are just parenting. I don’t think children should be allowed to back talk. I don’t think cursing is acceptable. I don’t think you’re hurting children by demanding they respect your rules.

Jcksjj's picture

I agree with this. Religion is a tough topic because it invokes strong and not always logical emotions in people. And honestly dealing with people of different religious backgrounds is a part of life, it's good for the kids to learn how to do it diplomatically. 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

My super Jew ears perked up when someone brought up meat/ dairy and Shabbat. 

No matter who walks in my home, you are pretty much forced to adhere to some parts of Judaism. My kitchen is kosher and has to stay that way. No pork, no cheese on my meat plates, keep the meat on the correct shelf in the fridge. My pagan-ish best friend, her Buddhist leaning husband, my native dad and Christian stepmom all respect the rules in my home. They are not Jewish but care about me enough as a human to care about what fulfills my soul. I do the same for them.

 

this whole conversation isn't about religion. It's about respect. If you replace Christian or Jewish with any other word -Hispanic, woman, disabled- then the skids' open mocking would be a hate crime. Because it's hateful and rude and nasty. 

Want2's picture

OP didn’t ask whether it was right or wrong. She already knows what she wants to do, she just doesn’t like that the skids are being jerks about it.

And the answer to that is simple. She sets the rules in her home, that’s within her control. What she can’t control is how others feel about it. How they behave is probably up to their father to deal with but at that point she needs to have realistic expectations based on his previous parenting.

If he doesn’t do what she needs him to that’s a marital issue.

Why you all started dogging on her religion is beyond me.

pixielady's picture

I don't understand that, either. OP, you have every right to ban such movies from your home. I have a friend who doesn't allow her kids to watch horror movies either and for her, it has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with bringing negativity into the home via such movies. You're hardly asking a lot. 

futurobrillante99's picture

I cannot do horror movies myself. I actually walked out of Silence of the Lambs because real monsters like Lector exist. 

I like thrillers and suspense movies, but horror movies like SAW, gore feste or movies about the occult or evil have never been my forte.

My kids were also not allowed to play first person shooter video games where humans were killed until everyone was an adult. And you can be sure that never ever would I allow Grand Theft Auto in my home no matter how old they get. Any video games or movies that in any way shape or form glorify something that offends my beliefs or values can be taken elsewhere. Not in my house.

Snakes on a Plane offended me so deeply because I value a good plot, CGI and script, that about 15 minutes in, I shut it off and said it would never be watched in my home because it was crap. Lmao!!

CLove's picture

It seems like there are some issues that the skids have with Christianity. It might be worth discussing them with kiddos, because they seem conflicted.

But, like others are mentioning, this is really mainly about respecting you in your home. Not talking to you all weekend while in the home with you? Well I know how that feels, and it feels horrible. That needs to be addressed pronto. 

Are you certain that the cross initiated all this negative behavior? That it is tied to their mother becoming a non-religious lesbian? Perhaps it is coming from somewhere else... just a thought. I dont know the background of your step parenting experience thus far.

Personally, as a Christian and Catholic, I feel that movies depicting demonic possession are interesting, because they bring religion and God back into the real world. But I also concur that demonic possession and summoning demons as "entertainment" are probably generating some negative energies. I recal that when Toxic Feral Eldest left, it was like the energy somehow became "lighter", and "cleaner". Munchkin noticed the whole energy shift as well. So I do believe that household energies are a thing not to be trivialized.

When Toxic Feral eldest tried to curse in front of us (17 1/2, she almost adult right?) we shut that down. I personally feel that cursing in the right setting is ok, but I also dont like taking Lords name in vain. When cursing, in mixed company, it can be offensive and impolite. These cretins who probably already KNOW its wrong, that you dont appreciate it and do it to push your buttons? Shut that down right away.

Movies being banned - well, its your house and your rules. If its offensive to the person living there who pays the bills and supports the household, you simply dont do it. Do it on your own time and your own "dime".

Ispofacto's picture

Years ago, I banned Nick and The Disney Channel from our home because Killjoy14 watched the shows obsessively, and I find most of the programming to be vapid and morally bankrupt, rotting her brain.  Back then I thought it wasn't too late for Killjoy14 to get a personality.  She threw a fit so I threatened to cancel cable altogether.  She promised to stop, but you know.  Feel free to ignore everything I say...

Then I disengaged.  I came home from work Friday to find Killjoy14 watching trash again, so I mentioned to DH that Killjoy14 was "watching vapid, morally bankrupt programming again".  He said he'd say something to her, but I was like, "nah, don't bother, vapid and morally bankrupt is what she likes, and it's too late to change that now...I just don't want to see or hear it."

I guess what I'm trying to say is you are the adult and you can set limits.  But I don't think what the kids are doing is going to cause the amityville horror to happen in your house, and your faith may be weak if you are really afraid of that.  Letting them know they are pushing your buttons is giving them incentive to continue doing what they are doing moreso than ignoring them.

It reminds me of my neighbor, back when Harry Potter was a craze, her kids came over and watched it at our house with my kids because their mother forbade them to.  They lost a lot of respect for her because it was silly.  I was doing laundry and trying to stay out of it.

 

Irene H.'s picture

There is a big difference between Harry Potter and what I’m talking about. We allow Harry Potter. She wanted to watch The Conjuring and The Nun.

This is not innocent stuff. The first is a movie about summoning evil spirits, and the second is about demonic possession of a convent.

And I don’t object because my faith is weak. I object because I understand what is at stake. I know real, actual people, close to me, who are sane, who have experienced demonic harassment. I will not invite that into my home, and I won’t let anyone else do it either. I really don’t care if you think that’s silly.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I have seen some weird stuff so there are some lines I do not cross. I don’t give a s*** if that bothers others, especially stepbrat. 

I’m a closet Christian but I never mention it in polite company. I know, I’m a bad Christian. I loathe Biohag and her dirtclan family and I don’t like stepbrat. Also, my MIL is an utter POS.

I also f**** swear way too much.

Above all things: your house, your rules!

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

better to be a closet Christian and treat others with kindness than to be a loud mouth, self congratulating Christian with a selfish heart.

futurobrillante99's picture

We are kindred spirits!! I’m not a closet Christian but I am no poster child for the faith. I also curse a blue streak. 

I no longer care what other people think. I know what I’ve seen in my life and I know how my faith has grown me as a person. 

I would argue that those who acknowledge the existence of supernatural forces at work in this world are neither fragile or fearful. I think we’re practical and protective.

 

futurobrillante99's picture

Oh boy. Godwins Law can’t be far off now. Lol

I totally understand you Irene and have had my own experiences that I don’t share with most people because they scoff or dismiss.

Ispofacto's picture

Imagine if I told you I banned Lucky Charms from my house.  Darned leprechauns keep breaking in trying to steal them.

Yeah, that's exactly how this sounds to your stepkids.  You have no idea how ridiculous this stuff sounds to others.

You asked.  Listen.  You are not being persecuted.

We had a local lady that called 911 regularly to tell them her son was possessed by a demon.  Eventually, the mother murdered her son.  She had to, because he was possessed by a demon.  Sane?  No.  This is some seriously crazy stuff.  The Amityville Horror was "based on a true story", as was The Erocist, The Omen, and maybe even The Shining.  Aka, based on someone's psychotic break.  People like this would be banned from my home for safety reasons.  No, I would not have "respect" for their insane beliefs.  This is dangerous.

 

Irene H.'s picture

Are you seriously implying I might nut up and kill people? Because the movies told you I would? *scratch_one-s_head*

I don’t even know what to say.

futurobrillante99's picture

There is nothing to say because it's a huge leap from having standards in your own home based on sincerely held beliefs and having a psychotic break that leads to murdering someone.

If there was any correlation between the two, there would be a LOT more murderers because this country is filled with people who have standards and limits on what happens in their homes based on sincerely held beliefs.

Ispofacto's picture

I object because I understand what is at stake. I know real, actual people, close to me, who are sane, who have experienced demonic harassment. I will not invite that into my home, and I won’t let anyone else do it either.

Lol, no sweetheart.  I'm not the one who believes in demons.  I'm saying the demons YOU belieive in are not real.  YOU need to stop believing what you see in the movies like "The Conjuring and The Nun", Amityville Horror, etc.  Believing in demons, seeing and hearing demons, being "harassed by demons" was cute to pretend about in junior high.  Not so much for adults.  In adults, it is a classic symptom of mental illness. 

So what if demons DO get into your house?  If you believe in demons, what are you gonna do if someone you know becomes "possessed"?  

We had a local lady that called 911 regularly to tell them her son was possessed by a demon.  Eventually, the mother murdered her son.  She had to, because he was possessed by a demon, right??  No doubt this stupid woman had at least one friend or pastor telling her demons are real.  They're not.  Your skids think it is silly, because it is.

 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

There is real evil in this world. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Sad

I believe in good and evil and I don’t screw around with evil sh** just in case.

Rags's picture

IMHO this is little more than BM PASing the Skids in alignment with her own life choices.  She should not have to manipulate her children and marginalize the religion they were raised in, by her I might add, because of her choices in partners.  Her choice ....  which there is nothing wrong with.

Where she is wrong is in manipulating the Skids.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Good grief, what does it matter what the reason is WHY she doesn't want demonic movies in her house? It's her house. Her husband backs her up. End of discussion. Kids don't get to make the rules.

My mother didnt let me cuss around her simply because she didn't want hear it. My SF required me to put my shoes in my room simply because he didn't want to see them in his living room. In neither instance did my cursing or shoes in the living room have any impact on the life of my parents, but it was their house and I was a kid, so I did as I was told. Period. Dot.

OP isn't making the kids go to church or pray over dinner or read the Bible every night. She's saying no one - herself and DH included - will watch Satanic movies in her home. Seems pretty fair.

And for the record, I DESPISE organized religion. But my home is my home. I pay half the mortgage, and my rules carry just as much weight as DH's. If he disagrees with it, then we'll chat. But if it's his kids? Sorry boys, until your name is on the deed, you get ZERO say in the rules, even if you think they're dumb.

theoldredhen's picture

Hey, Irene,

Reading over your past blogs made me shudder. Your stepkids are ungrateful, feral brats, their mother is a Disney mom who refuses to discipline them and you have taken on far more responsibility for their care than necessary. You're burned out.

I can just imagine the fun that the steps are having by baiting and taunting you and suspect that those movies were chosen, specifically, to offend you. As others have stated, it's your house, they are dependents and your rules apply. If I had cursed in my home as a child, I'd have had my mouth soaped. (In fact, I must confess to tasting Ivory a few times) 

No more cursing in your home! I suggest that you place a jar in family room and, every time the little brats curse, they put a dollar in the jar. Any movies that you and your DH consider unsuitable for young teens is just that, unsuitable. You should not have to tolerate disrespect from children!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

If I cussed around my grandparents I would have had my ass whooped and rightly so.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I got cayenne pepper in my mouth if I cussed around my parents growing up. It wasn't a mistake you made more than once or twice.

Harry's picture

Telling SK not to watch something on TV. Is not forcing relision on them.  They can go someplace and watch what they want.  Just you don’t want it in your home.  It’s your home, you paid the bills, it’s your rules.  It’s basically that simple