Really want to strangle DH....
DH gets the step brats 50/50. So there is no shortage of parenting time. The problem is BM loves dumping the kids on us when she wants to go out to parties, date or just wants to sleep in. Oh course DH never says no and 99 percent of the time we get into a huge fight over this as he wants to get his brats whenever she offers. BM is very smart and Presents it in a way that makes it sound like she’s doing it for the kids but it’s not the case. Not ONCE has she ever let DH take the kids extra when HE wanted. It always has to be her bringing it up. The latest is this New Year’s Eve. We get the kids on New Year’s Day in the morning. Well yesterday BM called and asked DH if he wanted to get the kids the night before(New Years eve) so they could “sleep in” the next day. No the real reason is BM wants to go out for New Year’s Eve and not worry about the kids!
Through the years how I’ve dealt with this is when I think BM is going to pull this bullshit I “make plans” with DH well before I think BM will offer parenting extra time. It is NOT fool Proof by any means but I at least have a fighting chance if DH thinks we have plans. This is a pain in the ass because I may not want to go away or go to a concert BUT it’s better than having the step brats. I wish I could just tell DH I want to just relax and not have to deal with screaming, rude Disrespectful kids when BM offers BUT that would never fly. I forgot to plan something for New Years and sure enough I’m stuck with the brats. Do you guys have this problem with DH always willing to take the Stepkids whenever BM throws them at him??
Yeah, BM tried that crap. I
Yeah, BM tried that crap. I had DH talk to her about taking her back to court for full custody since it cost us more to have them and she couldn't make "her time work for her". Any chance of cutting into her support shut that down. I got my life back somewhat. This was early into the blended life and she had to find other ways to mess with us but I didn't have skids being dropped off to interfere with my life and my bios.
Bm does it because 1. DH hasn't stopped her and 2, it interferes with your marriage and its an easy trick to pull on DH. All in the name of dad time. F that crap. Ask the skids in front of BM why she never has time for them???? Make her promise them to spend with them. Then hold her too it LOL Don't for one minute let the skids think she is doing dad a favor with more time. Make them question why she keeps dumping them off on Dad. Critical thinking skills will help the skids figure it out and complain or ask her to move in with dear old dad.
Hmmm, asking to move in with dad, now that might be an idea to send back with the skids. Only if she's in it for the money.
BM is only in it for the money
And would NEVER hand over Custody for that reason. DH is a total Coward when it comes to BM and would never in million years say those things to step kids as BM would flip out!
Leave. Seriously, change up
Leave. Seriously, change up your game and leave your H to cope on his own.
Go enjoy NYE with friends or family. Stop allowing H and BM to arrange your life for you. Your H will either get fed up having to do it all himself or he'll keep taking it in the shorts for his starter wife and you'll eventually move on in search of a man still in posession of his boy bits. Either way, you'll be changing the stalemate and making yourself happy.
This is what I started doing
This is what I started doing and it really worked. It was a pain...but EVERY time I got surprise skids dumped off at my house...I left. And I told DH why I was leaving and that I’d come back when skids were gone.
It didn’t take long for him to decide that he’d rather have me around than cave to his ex-wife...
My DH stood up to BM on this
My DH stood up to BM on this stuff, and she ended up just alienating SS entirely, so it is wise to be cautious if she has those sort of tendencies. This type of ex will mess with your DH one way or the other - either by dumping the kids on him or keeping them away entirely.
Go out with a friend and leave DH with his kids.
Definitely make plans without
Definitely make plans without your DH every time he agrees to take skids on BM's demand. And if no plans just don't participate. It will work!
The same thing used to happen here. And I would let it go and help out. I thought I was supporting my SO.
Not any more I just say no. I can't help. Won't be around. Sure if you want to stay home was always my response. And guess what...it stopped!
If your DH is like my SO - he doesn't want to say yes. He feels obligated. Give him an out and he will run with it. But that out has to be easily seen (men are not very smart - sorry men!) such as him tending to them alone. Or having to stay home, alone.
Problem is if I just go away when steps come over
I won’t have a house to come back too. If something of mine did not get broken something would be stolen. DH suffers from daddy guilt so he would never get sick of step kids no matter how bad they get. Trust me leaving DH alone to deal with the brats would be something he would love
In this case you should be demanding sk and hubby
come to living room or dining table and question the missing and broken things, messy house etc and give them 1 hour to make it spick and span spotless.
then threaten when things are stolen, that there is 30mins to return the missing things or you are reporting to the police.
putting them all on the spot together might shocj daddy into embarrassment like “shit this is just an embarrassment, my kids are embarassing for me to behave this way.”
so far when we go away and ss20 is home, nothing has been stolen but i know he looks through my things when we aren’t home (total invasion of privacy), because when say his laptop is broken, he will tell dad he’s taking that laptop clearly knowing its not his but mine and thinks dad is man of the house so will order me to give my laptop... HELL NO!!
Oh No!!
i would lose my mind too. The only time my SS’s BM wanted to give us extra time is if it was going to mess with my life. She tried to “give DH extra time” by having the kids come here everyday after school instead of going to after care. (I work from home). DH wouldn’t even be here but she tried to claim it was extra time for him. I ended that quickly but not without a huge battle. Or she would give him extra time with YSS while MSS had ballgames. Only DH would go to so that meant I got YSS. I put a stop to that too.
I’m losing my mind about this
I’m losing my mind about this too, we’ve had this issue ever since we’ve been married, so we barely have alone time, my bio kids are ok staying with my in laws when we need alone time but BM always comes up with something and we end up canceling plans because SD don’t want to be watched by anyone else but dadeee. Last time we tried a vacation away we ended up coming back because SD said she was missing DH , we got back just to find out BM had plans to go away for a few days and needed someone to watch SD .
OMG we could be twins!
Youngest Step brat won’t stay with anyone else either on our time. We even tired putting him in the YMCA camp and he hated it. He Actually hates all camps except the $1000 a week Camp BM puts him in that Caters to the super rich or in our case super spoiled kids. This is the only camp he DOES not refuse to attend. Oh and of course Part of DH custody agreement he hast to pay for half of camps. If he was my kid I would say you are going to a “normal” camp and if you refuse you can stay home with a teenage babysitter like I did when I was a kid