Really need some advice...
So I posted on here a year ago and got some good advice. Things have changed somewhat but could really use some help. I am in the unique situation that I got married later in life for the first time (at 49) to someone with sole custody of his son. The son was 14 at the time (the step mother has since passed away). When we got married I sold my single person condo and moved into his house in the suburbs with his son. We have now been married 3 years and half of this time he was unemployed. During that time I supported all of us on my salary. it his his house and I am not on the deed (I did ask at some point but he wouldn't add me). I pretty much kept him from losing his house while he was not working. During this time I undertook major debt which I am just barly getting out of 6 months later. I make very good money and have always been financially independent. My husband has found a good job in the past 6 months and his son has gone away to college with the $ left to him by his mother. That money paid for his entire first year of school/tuitition/room/board. My real problem is that my step son doesn't work. I have worked since I was 15 and have always had my own money. In his sophmore year I told my husband I really think he needed to work during the summers to make his own money. Every summer was a new excuse for not working. He would, however, find the time to game morning/noon/night. Last summer I insisted he work to make money for college. He managed to work about 20 hours a week delivering pizza's. He came home for a 5 week break over the holidays where, again, I asked for him to get some type of job to make some money. He picked up a few shifts deliverying pizza. Then he was supposed to get a 10 hour a week job during his 2nd semester. Nothing (or I am still hearing excused on this one). I see summer coming, this kid coming back home and again, doing nothing. My husband claims he gives no money to him but I know his personal credit card is very high (likely from his son's purchases/Amazon, etc). We have kept one joint account and seperate credit cards. I pay 800 a month for both of their health insurance and give my husband part of the mortage as well as pay for all the groceries, vacations (of which there have been many very nice ones on me), resturants, etc. I make more money than my husband and I am honestly OK footing a bit more of the burden. But what I see happening is my future being diminished by this son not working and starting to contribute to anything. I used to go on 2 vacations a year, now we can only afford to go on them if I pay for it. I honestly wouldn't begrudge any of this if I saw any effort on his son's part to work and my husband pushing him harder in this area. When I ask my husband about it he always has either an excuse or he gets angry at me. Am I being unreasonable? Financially I have taken a beating since getting married. I have credit card debt that I never had and my lifestyle is greatly different. I feel like I sould be at the point in my life where I am planning a future with my husband and I don't see ever being able to get ahead. How can this be when I have worked since I was 15?
on the upside the stepson does very well in school with an engineering background. I just don't see any work ethic at all and I don't see my husband even caring how this affects me at all. I see him moving back home (and my husband has offered!) post school to pay off student debt.
I could really use some advice. I have had several very serious conversations with my husband about this and I see nothing changing. I feel like I am being played for a fool by these 2 and that I may be better off leaving... I think I was very naive and didn't think out getting married at the time to someone with a child when I didn't have one.
thanks in advance for any advice.