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realization that BM and her new 'family' are going to prevent ANY fixing with sd and i

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

for the past 7 years, i have strongly suspected that BM and anyone associated with her have contributed to sd13's hating me and trying to make my life hell to where i leave and never return. i had gotten a confirmation years ago from sd, which bm denied, and what happened today proves that nothing will ever be fixed, even if i wanted to fix things between sd and i.

on friday night, sd was caught basically in the woods with some boys when she was suppossed to be at the movies with a friend. on saturday when bm, dopey, and dopey's mother came to get sd, i made a comment that sd's new nickname should be 'backwoods(insert last name)'. everyone chuckled and agreed, though we would never say it to her face. sd was locked away on the other side of the house, so she didnt hear me say it. bm even made a comment about how they all know she had sex cause of her track record.

today, sd doesnt want to come home cause "dispirited said i had sex friday night and called me backwoods" she told bf that bm told her i said it.

someone there told her i said it, as bm is denying it. at any rate, i know for a fact she didnt hear me call her backwoods, and i never said she had sex, bm said she probably did. oh,the immaturity is so freakin annoying.

bf told sd to stay with bm another night. he told me that after my class tonight, he and i are going to make up a 'family plan' and then thursday when he has off the three of us will be sitting down and putting the plan into action, letting sd know how its gonna be from now on.

inky2034's picture

I have a SD that's 24 and SS that's 30. My husband the bio dad to the SD and he adopted the SS at 4....The SS has nothing to do with him and doesn't speak. I am guessing a sign of support to the bio mom. The SD does come to our town 1 -2 times a year. basically around the holiday's as she finds time to pick up her Ipod ( gfit this year) and over 1000 dollars worth of clothes. She is overly attached to her Bio mom as I think she feels sorry for her mom and it appears the SS and SD have sided with their Bio mom. I get it. I really do but if I send emails. leave a message or text I get nothing back from the SD. I don't even try to communicate to the SS. I know on some rational level they are siding with their mom as protection and of course she buys them anything they want. Even supporting the son as he is unemployed....I say nothing negative about either of the two kids. I stay out of it. yet it really hurts my feelings that the SD doesn't want to connect with me. Sometimes she is rude to me but lately not. She is coming for the holiday for 4 days...I always try and say "let's go get our nails done" to spent some time together.. amke her favorite foods etc......Need advice on why is it that uncomfortable for her to have any relationship with me? PS Been married almost 5 years and it's getting worst...not better.....thought they would get use to the idea and warm up to me....now the SS has nothing do to with his dad and he's married as well.... I have no kids and never was married till 46 for the first time...was I really that stupid to think it would calm down? HELP

Auteur's picture

"will be sitting down and putting the plan into action, letting sd know how its gonna be from now on"

Good luck with that one. Usually these are flash in the pan, knee jerk reactions on the part of biodad, soon forgotten the second they come in contact with their precious spawn.

Just remember, everything you say in front of the BM or skid(s) can and will be used against you.

hismineandours's picture

Of course they are. The bm is NEVER to be trusted-seriously. At one point, many eons ago I felt that I could rationally discuss things with bm-one mom to another so to speak. Ha! I learned that the best bet is to keep my mouth shut and my head down. I did get my reward for that though a few years ago when bm happened to come to me and say she just didnt know what to do with ss any longer, she didnt know how to get through to him or discipline him. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "gee, I dont know what to tell you"

ThatGirl's picture

After SM called her "backwoods." Big mistake. I would tell SD that I called her that and apologize, but make sure to point out that you were not the one who said she had sex.

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

yes, i called her 'backwoods' in front of bm and her husband dopey and dopey's mother. do i care? nope. as far as apologizing to sd, i wont do that because i truly am not sorry for refering to her as such. she wants to put herself in these situations.

i may be a mean person, but i have been through alot. plus, i didnt say it infront of sd or even with her in earshot. there was plenty of nasty things bm mentioned that day and neither bf or i ran to sd and said "ooooh listen to what mommy said about u'.