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Question for those who work with kids

Jcksjj's picture

Is it normal for a kid around 7/8 to have a very difficult time recalling details of recent events and/or changing the details of the story the next time said situation gets brought up or discussed? For example one time telling the story they bought an item at target. The next time it was at fleet farm. This isn't an occasional thing, it's with nearly every recalled event in school, with grandparents etc. Wondering if the poor memory is a red flag for anything developmentally or if its typical of kids that age. OR if it's because the details were lies that couldn't be kept straight (there is definitely an issue with lying as well).

Harry's picture

How much do they have to remember?  It just laziness, or is there a problem ?  Something they bought, a few days ago they should remember. It’s not like a date in history that they can not relate to and can’t remember. Is it 1776 o 1667? 

Jcksjj's picture

To me it seems like there is either a problem or its pathological lying...I mean its basic day to day events. What they did at school, who they played with at recess, something another kid said to them that they tell me about and a week later they say they have zero memory of that happening. And when you ask questions for further details she acts really confused and answers really slowly and supposedly doesnt remember anything else. Sometimes things that to a kid are big...a kid wrote something mean about her on a desk and she said the teacher looked at the cameras and it was this kid that did it. A couple weeks later she said they never found out who did it and when I reminded her she had told me that kid did it she stared at me with a blank look on her face and said she had no they never found out who. Other times it's obviously this morning she didnt get out of bed when the light was flipped on and I eventually went up there and woke her and she goes ohhh now it's time to get up - as if she hadnt been doing that every morning the entire school year.

Now what's picture

My daughter (step-daughter) lies and manipulates about little things like this all the time! It's so frustrating because it seems so pointless. She overdramatizes everything to the point that it is hurtful and over the top with some things. Unfortunately, we are also struggling with what to do and how to address this. Nothing that we have tried so far has worked. 

Jcksjj's picture

If she is literally just lying she lies more than she tells the truth...sometimes it's obvious lies and sometimes she just seems to have no clue what's going on. But very possibly she just forgot what lie she told last time.

tog redux's picture

No, it's not normal.  If he doesn't have any short-term memory issues when it comes to school work, (that is, if he seems to be learning at a normal pace), then there's probably another reason behind it.

Jcksjj's picture

Shes a bit of a slow learner and seems to take a little longer to "get" things but once it clicks she does at least in average range and in certain areas (specifically reading fluency) above average. Idk if its necessarily memory issues though, she just doesnt pick up on alot of concepts quickly. 

Chmmy's picture

SD19 (and BM) struggle with keeping details consistent. DH will tell me SD19 told me xyz and I wil say wait I thought she told you 123 and he says yep she is her mother. Lying about NOTHING. Literally things that dont matter but BM does the same... lies for the sake of lying. Cant figure out why

Jcksjj's picture

I usually just walk away at this point and stop listening when I can tell shes obviously lying. It's too stressful mentally to try to sort through the lies. I do wonder sometimes if there is something else wrong but she just seems a little....dull/slow idk. But yeah it doesnt make sense ever. Dh said when he lived with BM he literally thought she had a brain tumor or something because she just made no sense ever.

Germie2's picture

My step daughter does the exact thing and lies  there’s no consistency in her stories, it always comes with many versions. For example one time I told them (SD, BSs , MIL) A story about some videos I watched, few days later she came to tell us the same story saying BM told her about it. Many times she will misplace DH things and DH will blame me (because I like cleaning up stuff)and we end up fighting but  we always finds them in her room , usually she’ll say she don’t remember or she’ll say she’s never seen those things before. 

Jcksjj's picture

So far the only person she takes things from is my son. Sounds like your DH needs to start assuming she took it if something is missing. And "I don't remember that" is the worst lie/excuse...that's one of SDs go tos. She lives playing dumb. Even her teacher has mentioned that.